After Binging on Pizza and Beer, Local Man Claims to Have Gluten Allergy
BERKELEY, CA – Local resident Charles Longfellow is no stranger to beer. “A typical weekend I’ll go through a couple cases,” he told reporters boastfully.
This 36-year-old male has been living the same weekend for the...
Roger the Resident in Tears, Freed from Medicine Captivity
ST. LOUIS, MO - Roger Springfield, a 28-year-old internal medicine resident at St. Louis University Hospital, was rescued last weekend by conservationists after being abused and held captive for nearly three years. Roger cried...
Archaeologist: Ancient Group Claimed Drinking Clean Water Caused Diarrhea
A landmark discovery in southern France occurred this Saturday: scientists uncovered a series of caves that may have been inhabited by humans over 15,000 years ago.
"The most remarkable thing about this cave are the writings...
Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’
NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest pain “like a human sitting on my chest,” with radiation...