Saturday, September 26, 2020
medical students

New Personal Statement Formula Wows Medical Residency Program Directors

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NEW YORK, NY - A new U.S. News and World Report survey has projected that the 2015 Medical Residency Match rate will likely hit 100% with nearly all applicants matching into their first choice program.  Preliminary survey...
white coat

Super-Aerodynamic White Coat to Shave Seconds Off Rounds

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WASHINGTON, DC - With the completion of the Sochi Olympics and the success of their “Mach 39” high-tech aerodynamic suits in propelling U.S. speedskaters to glory, Lockheed Martin and Under Armour teamed up once...
medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire infectious enthusiasm

Medical Student Spotted at Undergraduate Library, Again

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BURLINGTON, VT – University of Vermont first-year medical student, Eugene Simmond, was seen again trolling the halls of the undergraduate library on Thursday afternoon.  This was the fifth spotting in just a week, and to...

‘Real World Medical School’ Canceled After One Episode

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SAN JOSE, CA - The Real World Medical School was immediately canceled by NBC after the first episode last night.  "Absolutely nothing exciting happened," said viewer Stacy Henderson. John went to the library and studied for...

Local Nurse and Intern Declare EMR Documentation War‏

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COOPERSTOWN, NY - Citing a "clearly aggressive nursing note" which was felt to be "the absolute last straw," medical intern Edward Costa formally declared a documentation war on nurse Catherine Ragaz at 12:03 this morning. Costa reports...

Breaking: Medical Student Cuts Surgical Knot Too Short

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - Medical student Dan Richards was disciplined Thursday for cutting a surgical knot "too short" during a skin closure. "The surgeon told me to cut the knot, but not on the knot.  He...
er medical charts

Med Student Rotating in ER Always Seems to Pick Up a Chart Requiring a...

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DETROIT, MI - Third-year medical student Ronny Wilkerson can’t believe the number of pelvic exams that he is performing on his clinical rotation in the ER. As in many ERs, the patient’s charts are placed...

Newly Promoted General Surgeon’s Business Cards, A Little Too True

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LOS ANGELES, CA – UCLA’s newly promoted general surgeon, Assistant Professor William Heffner, just received his updated business cards today.  An unfortunate error in spacing caused much controversy.  Due to the lack of room...

Medical Student Applicant Gets a 23T for MCAT Score, Stresses the T During Interviews

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MONTPILIER, VT - Nathanial Monson, who goes by Nathanial for pretentious purposes, scored a 23T on the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT). The MCAT is a four-part test designed to thin the heard of...

Medical Students Horrified to Learn That All Patients Die, Eventually

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PHARMA, OH - A lone tear splashed to the floor, followed by a steady trickle as the residents tried to console the sobbing medical students.  "We saved his life," whimpered one snot-faced student.  "By the end...
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