heartbeat pulse

Med Student Figures Out Heart Rate: Count Beats in a Day, Divide by 24...

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CHARLESTON, SC - In a classic case of medical student inefficiency, fourth year Tommy Reinhardt has informed his medicine team that he plans on calculating...
55-hour ENERGY

FDA Approves 55-Hour ENERGY for Incoming July Interns

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a major win for soon-to-be-exhausted incoming July interns at residency programs across the land, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has...
avalanche past medical history chief complaint

Buried Under Avalanche of Past Medical History, Rescue Underway to Save Chief Complaint

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Nascent intern Jesse D'Amato was only part-way through the opening line of his history of present illness (HPI) when supervising Tulane...

PhD Giving Lecture to Med Students Intends to Make Lecture as Convoluted and Clinically...

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BOSTON, MA – Bart Mnart, a PhD in comparative political biology, couldn’t help but wring his hands together gleefully during our interview in his...
new stethoscope

New Littmann Stethoscope Allows You to Hear One’s Thoughts

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ST. PAUL, MN - Manufacturer 3M has released a new Littman Mind-Reading I Stethoscope for health care practitioners to help diagnose someone else’s thoughts,...
fart, CNN, Anderson Cooper

Breaking News: Fart of the Century Kills 50

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ATLANTA, GA - In unsettling news from Atlanta University Hospital today, patient Timothy Flatus unleashed a fart at 9:45 PM last night so powerful...

Medical Student Applicant Gets a 23T for MCAT Score, Stresses the T During Interviews

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MONTPILIER, VT - Nathanial Monson, who goes by Nathanial for pretentious purposes, scored a 23T on the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT). The MCAT...
Landau

Lab Coats Now Available in Brand New Colors

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MEMPHIS, TN - Like the stethoscope, the white lab coat has not only been a magnet for bodily fluids and random food products, but...

Curious Med Student Smells Finger After Digital Rectal Exam

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BOSTON, MA – At the nation’s most prestigious medical school, Harvard Medical School, students were taught how to perform a digital rectal examination (DRE)...

Genetics Professor Uses Students as Examples During Dysmorphology Lecture

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“As future physicians, it’s absolutely essential for you to be able to recognize features of genetic disorders in your patients,” Dr. Lena Lombardo stated,...