Breaking News: Doctor Cycles Blood Pressure Cuff By Himself
JANESVILLE, MI - In an unprecedented occurrence Dr. Fern noticed the absence of a morning blood pressure. Starting to walk out of the room to look for the nurse, he had an epiphany: "If...
Trojan Develops New Magnum Size Foley Catheters; ‘It’s About Time,’ Say 100% of Surveyed...
HOUSTON, TX - America’s number one trusted brand for contraception made a bold leap into the medical field today with the launch of Foley Magnum for men. As most people know, the Magnum style...
Schizophrenics’ Voices Get To Fill Out Patient Satisfaction Forms
MADISON, WI — When RN Tara Noluck got summoned to see her nursing supervisor about a low patient satisfaction score, she didn’t worry too much. She usually got excellent feedback, so one lousy report...
Flint’s Water is Corrosive and Full of Lead: What Do You Think?
Flint Michigan's water has been full of lead since 2014, just recently they declared it to be a national emergency. What are the medical health professionals saying?
We asked around the hospital to see what...
Inventor of “Dimaudid” Takes Company Public, Makes Billions
NEW YORK, NY - An attending physician of emergency medicine at New York City Hospital recently took her private pharmaceutical company public, making a personal profit of two billion dollars in a single day,...
Patient Placed on “Crazy Precautions”
MANHASSET, NY - In a concern for a serious outbreak of crazy, Near Shore-Middle Island Jewish Medical Center went on high alert and placed a clown admitted with pseudoseizures on crazy precautions. After the...
Nurse Pages On-Call Masseuse for Stat Massage
ATLANTA, GA - “I’m going to do it and you’re not going to stop me!” This is what nurse Adele Ryans said with stern conviction to her charge nurse at shift change last night...
Massachusetts ICU Nurse Wins Powerball, Uses Patient’s Vital Signs as Lucky Numbers
CAMBRIDGE, MA - Local ICU nurse Debbie Watson called in rich this morning after winning the historic Powerball.
When nobody claimed a the Powerball winnings of over $900 million, Debbie knew how to beat the...
The Joint Commission Now Encourages Coffee At Nursing Stations, Mortality Rates Plummet
The Joint Commission (JC) has abruptly reversed their ban on caffeinated drinks at physician and nursing workstations in light of new evidence that caffeine prevents doctors and nurses from inadvertently harming their patients.
Statisticians were...
Updated 2016 Hospital Crash Cart Recommendations
ATLANTA, GA - The crash cart is indispensable during cardiopulmonary arrest. However, their contents are not standardized. In a much needed remedy to this situation, the American Board of Crash Carts (ABCC) released updated...