Breaking: CPR Requires Prior Authorization
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In breaking news that will infinitely complicate the already difficult process of attempting to resuscitate a patient, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (or CPR)...
New Patient Satisfaction Initiative Mandates That All Patient Baths Have “Happy Ending”
CARY, NC - In a bold and unprecedented move to increase patient satisfaction scores, administrators at Our Lady of Chronic Narcotic Dependence Hospital outside...
Scrub Romper is Here!
Finally the medical scene is catching up to the male-fashion scene with the scrub romper. You don't have to cover your arms in the...
Medical Records Censor Crucial at Removing Admission and Discharge Summaries for Transfer
MUDVILLE, TN - Jimmy Blake, MBA, MHA, Good Samaritan’s Vice President for Administrative Affairs, speaking on condition of having his full name printed at...
Exhausted RN to Go Home with Home Health Services
FORT MYERS, FL - Deconditioned, weak, and perpetually hypoglycemic from such a prolonged hospital shift, exhausted RN Catherine Weal will be sent home with...
Study Finds No Nurses Station Exists With 1:1 Ratio of Computers to Chairs
BOSTON, MA - A landmark study published in the Just-Like-New England Journal of Medicine has confirmed that no nurses station in any health care...
No-Show Rates Skyrocket Around Flag Day
ARLINGTON, VA - Citing elaborate Flag Day celebrations, year after year patients just don't show up at Hamilton & Burr Trauma Hospital near our nation's...
Hippie Dolphin Has Natural Air Birth
TROPIC OF CANCER, PACIFIC OCEAN - Local dolphin, Current, gave birth to a healthy pup: Nevaeh. Current wanted her baby born at the Tropic of...
Neurologists Recommend Gas-X for Treatment of Brain Farts
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - The American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has updated their guidelines for the diagnosis and management of brain farts, a condition characterized...
Hospital Workers Can’t Think of Any Other Place They’d Rather Be on Thanksgiving Day
EVERY HOSPITAL, USA - Hospital workers eagerly awoke this morning, ready and energized to take on another thrilling work day at their local hospitals. The fact...