Nursing

cpr

Code Blue Also Code Brown

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NEW YORK, NY – According to multiple sources in attendance at, or rapidly emerging from, the cardiopulmonary resuscitation currently underway in room 1214, the...
potluck

Top 10 Ways to Get Invited to the Nurses’ Infamous Potluck Dinners

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Physicians, if you haven’t heard of or been to some of the nurses’ break room potluck dinners you probably aren’t doing any of the...
nipple twist above-the-nipples

Study: Titty Twist Better Pain Stimulus Than Sternal Rub

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Citing expert opinion and personal experience, the American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has put forth new recommendations on the pain stimulus...

Vaccines Cause Children to Love Minecraft

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It really couldn’t be more obvious, just look around.  We NEVER saw a child playing Minecraft when I was growing up, never.  Now it’s...
angry patient

Tips: How to Defuse the Angry Patient (or at the Very Least, Make Things...

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Handling the angry patient (or family member) is a very delicate situation, so we should all be grateful that we were never educated on...
notes rounding

Surgeon General Finishes Rounding on 320 Million Americans, Dreads Writing Notes

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WASHINGTON, DC - Late last night a very visibly tired Surgeon General of the United States Vivek Murthy finally finished rounding on every American...
Foley, bloodbath

Patient Can’t Wait to Yank Out Foley, Cause Bloodbath

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ATLANTA, GA - In exciting news today, patient Arnold Starks has announced that later today he will yank out his Foley with "full force...

Boston Scientific Reveals New “Drug-Eluting Bracelet”

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MARLBOROUGH, MA – The role of proper hand hygiene in preventing healthcare-associated infection is well understood, yet the CDC reports that American healthcare workers...
social worker

New Social Worker Way More Social Than She is a Worker

77
NEW YORK, NY - It hasn’t taken long for health care providers at Mount Sinai Hospital to realize that Amanda Johnson, a new social worker...
iv pca infusion pump WiFi

Study: Doctors Can’t Operate an IV Infusion Pump Even If Life Depended On It

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BALDWIN, NY - A new study in the New England Journal of Alaris (NEJA) confirmed something we knew all along: doctors can't operate an IV...