Nursing

double portions

No Way, Jose: Patient Request for Double Portions Denied, Made NPO as Punishment

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BALDWIN, NY - In a defiant stance against a patient Rick Moravsky's request for double portions despite his ongoing treatment for CHF (congestive heart failure)...
frustrated nurse

New Nurse Retires After First 12-Hour Shift

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OCEANSIDE, CA - New graduate Betty Jones has decided to retire after her first and only twelve-hour shift of floor nursing.  Said Betty Jones,...
Turlaudidryl, BDT

Patients Love New Turkey Sandwich with Dilaudid & Benadryl: The Turlaudidryl Special

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - In a brilliant new campaign to improve patient satisfaction scores at the expense of appropriate medical care, hospital administrators and...
notes rounding

Surgeon General Finishes Rounding on 320 Million Americans, Dreads Writing Notes

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WASHINGTON, DC - Late last night a very visibly tired Surgeon General of the United States Vivek Murthy finally finished rounding on every American...
resting bitch face

Resting Bitch Face Underdiagnosed in Health Care Providers

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NEW YORK, NY - Despite the numerous advances and medical breakthroughs in 2015, GomerBlog reports that resting bitch face (RBF), a horrible affliction in...
toliet flushing medications

NIH Plans to Study Why Narcotics, Benzos Fall Into Sinks, Toilets Excessively

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BETHESDA, MD - Last week, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) stated that it has $2 million in grant money set aside for a study...
doctor upset

Hospital Administrators Consider Renaming MDs to “Morphine & Dilaudid”

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TAMPA, FL - Following the immense success of renaming registered nurses (RNs) to “Refreshments & Narcotics,” hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital (TMCH)...
new stethoscope

New Littmann Stethoscope Allows You to Hear One’s Thoughts

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ST. PAUL, MN - Manufacturer 3M has released a new Littman Mind-Reading I Stethoscope for health care practitioners to help diagnose someone else’s thoughts,...
nurse float pool

Nurse in Float Pool Petitions for Actual Swimming Pool

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DETROIT, MI - Nurses in a float pool at Henry Ford Hospital, led by Nurse Angela O’Donnell, are taking the lead and petitioning hospital leadership...
patient survey

Nurses, Doctors Fight Back with New Health Care Practitioner Satisfaction Surveys

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NEW YORK, NY - Sick and tired of the unfair nature of patient satisfaction surveys that puts service above disease management, a multidisciplinary team...