The Joint Commission Now Encourages Coffee At Nursing Stations, Mortality Rates Plummet
The Joint Commission (JC) has abruptly reversed their ban on caffeinated drinks at physician and nursing workstations in light of new evidence that caffeine...
Donald Trump’s Orange Complexion Due To ChloraPrep From Last Plastic Surgery
WASHINGTON, D.C - The U.S. Surgeon General accidentally revealed in a recent interview that President Trump’s skin tone is actually a normal shade of...
New Law Now Requires Nurses to Obtain Hunting License Before Preying on New Interns
SACRAMENTO, CA – The controversial bill which aims to protect new interns from being exploited by hospital staff was signed into law by Governor...
Patient “Starving to Death” After 1 Hour NPO, Actually Starves to Death Another Hour...
NASHVILLE, TN - At midnight, patient Eric Stephens was made "NPO after midnight." After one hour, patient complained to his nurses and physicians, stating...
Joint Commission Cites Itself as a Major Hindrance to Medical Care
CHICAGO, IL - This past Thursday, the Joint Commission officially cited itself as a major obstacle for patient care and safety. The Joint Commission released in...
ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids
ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking...
Charting Suspended, Call Lights Disabled, Bathroom Breaks Okayed for National Nurses Week
SILVER SPRING, MD – To celebrate National Nurses Week from May 6 to May 12 this year, hospitals and clinics across the country are...
Local Drug Seeker Discovers That 8/10 Pain Gets The Same Amount of Pain Meds...
Long-time drug seeker, Kyle Smith, recently discovered that stating his pain is 8/10 instead of the typical 12/10 gets him the same amount of...
New Study: Physician Douche Level Correlates With Number Of Nursing Pages Per Shift
HARTFORD, CT - A new study published in JAMA this week demonstrated a direct correlation between the physician douche level (PDL) and and the number...
New Stone & Chisel Medical Record a Huge Pain in the Ass
LOS ANGELES, CA - A new stone & chisel medical record system implemented by hospital administrators at Cedar-Sinai Medical Center earlier this week is...