CDC Recommends Washing Hands for 30 Minutes Before, After Each Patient Encounter
ATLANTA, GA - Stating that health care professionals can do more to prevent the spread of germs, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention...
Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap
UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak...
Astrological Signs Predict What Kind of Patient You Are
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — An assembly of doctors who keep notes about the behavior of their patients grouped by astrological sign has released its...
New AHA CPR Guidelines Introduce “Sensual” Rescue Breaths
DALLAS, TX - In a change of course from recent guidelines which stressed hands on chest-only CPR for bystanders, the American Heart Association (AHA) has...
Millions of Men are Getting Bactrim for Summer
With summer here a new trend is sweeping the nation among Mediterranean-descent men: Bactrim. When we looked into this odd trend, via google search, we...
One Week Later, Americans Finally Waking Up from Post-Prandial Thanksgiving State
FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA - Though Thanksgiving dinner took place one week ago today, serum tryptophan levels are finally receding and Americans are...
COVID-19 Update: Palliative Care Makes U.S. DNR
ATLANTA, GA - Accepting that COVID-19 is progressing despite all of our best efforts, Palliative has been consulted and has officially made the United...
CDC recommends Dr. Oz wear “Duct Tape Mask” to slow down false information
Atlanta, GA - CDC released new guidelines Thursday which includes a "Duct Tape Mask" for Dr. Oz to wear. "These new guidlines should...