gluten allergy

After Binging on Pizza and Beer, Local Man Claims to Have Gluten Allergy

4
BERKELEY, CA – Local resident Charles Longfellow is no stranger to beer.  “A typical weekend I’ll go through a couple cases,” he told reporters...

Nation Washes Hands for the First Time

0
NASHVILLE, TN - The coronavirus from Wuhan, China is a global pandemic. People are terrified. Hoarding toilet paper, cleaning out grocery stores, and now...
hospital ceo salary

CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys

33
ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case.  A patient with no known Ebola exposures in...
sensual rescue breaths

New AHA CPR Guidelines Introduce “Sensual” Rescue Breaths

0
DALLAS, TX - In a change of course from recent guidelines which stressed hands on chest-only CPR for bystanders, the American Heart Association (AHA) has...

Hospital’s Electronic Health Record to Be Replaced by New, Efficient ‘Paper Chart’ System

96
NEW YORK, NY – Citing slow load times, confusing menu structure, and overall frustration with the user interface, St. Barnaby’s Hospital has announced that the...

Medical Emojis Translated for the Masses

0
Are you new to medicine?  Or born before 1991?  We have all your medical emojis right here with the translation so you can get...
bicarb-only sodium bicarbonate

FDA Studying Bicarb in Treatment of Coronavirus

0
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Desperate times call for desperate measures. Numerous drugs are being studied in the treatment of novel coronavirus, but the Food...

Study: ‘Brilliant Butthole Sign’ Diagnostic of TP Hoarding

0
BOSTON, MA - Clinicians, be alert: A new study in the New England Journal of Coronavirus has found that a physical exam finding known...

CDC Break Room Found to Be Culprit in New Bacterial Outbreak

1
ATLANTA, GA - A recent outbreak of a dangerous enterobacteria, brought the Center for Disease Control (CDC) to their own backyard yesterday to search for a cause.  It...

Physicians Excited to Find Out Bundled Payments Are Literally Just Bundles of Cash

1
BALTIMORE, MD - In breaking news today, the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) reported that they are continuing their push toward bundled payments...