Luke(s), I Am Your Father
MODESTO, CA - A sperm bank in Modesto has confirmed what millions suspected.
Before he was Darth Vader, the leader of the dark side, Anakin was...
Run-4-the-Cure 5k Fun Run, 3 Runners Shy of Cure
ATLANTA, GA - The 23rd annual "Race-4-the-Cure Fun Run & Walk" released a statement Monday: "Our annual Fun Run & Walk fell 3 runners short...
Food Truck Entrepreneur Now Providing Endoscopies
OUTSIDE METROPOLITAN HEALTH SYSTEM - Let's face it, hospital cafeteria food is hideous, even when it's labeled correctly. That's why people in scrubs line up...
Sexy Ebola Nurses Released from 45-Day Quarantine
MOBRIDGE, SD - The nation breathed a sigh of relief today as hordes of sexy Ebola nurses were released from the place of quarantine...
Big Pharma Admits They’re Just Trying to Kill Everybody with Vaccines
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In what is being hailed as a huge victory for the anti-vaccine movement, Big Pharma announced to the world today that they've...
COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) says they're not trying to be curt but if we can't deal with...
Doctor Excited to Get New, Last Year’s People Magazine for Waiting Room
NAPERVILLE, IL - Dr. Nyugen's waiting room will be packed when word gets out they have the country's most-recent People magazine. "I'm trying it...
Bitcoin Users Infected with Cryptocurrency Meningitis
ATLANTA, GA - Over the past month, volatile swings in bitcoin have led to an ominous halving of its value, which has thrown investors...
‘Butthurt by ZDoggMD’ Added as New ICD-10 Diagnosis
LAS VEGAS, NV - Emergency departments everywhere have been experiencing a new epidemic sweeping into their triage rooms recently. Diagnosis: Butthurt. That’s right, butthurt...
Texting While Operating Now Illegal in 5 states
SACRAMENTO, CA – On Monday California became the 5th state to ban texting while operating. This new legislation came after Dr. Kenneth Fellet texted...