paper cuts

ERs Overwhelmed by Life-Threatening, Wrapping Paper-Related Paper Cuts

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EVERYWHERE, UNITED STATES - What should be a Christmas morning filled with celebration and cheer has turned to horror and bloodshed: life-threatening wrapping paper-related...

Run-4-the-Cure 5k Fun Run, 3 Runners Shy of Cure

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ATLANTA, GA - The 23rd annual "Race-4-the-Cure Fun Run & Walk" released a statement Monday: "Our annual Fun Run & Walk fell 3 runners short...

Hospitals Now Joining Black Friday Frenzy

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NEW YORK, NY - Black Friday is hitting America very soon.  Stores are now opening their doors almost immediately after millions of Americans finish off eating...

Heaven & Hell in Lockdown After Both Test Positive for COVID-19

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HEAVEN ABOVE & HELL BELOW - Bad news for those who think that life after death will finally grant a reprieve from the viciously...

Nurses Excited to Make Their Own PPE

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A national shortage of personal protective equipment or PPE is forcing nurses to get creative. "I'm so happy to live in a country where supplies...

Ronaldo, Neymar Admit Magic Soccer Sprays Contain Dilaudid

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CHICAGO, IL - Two of the world's best soccer players, Cristiano Ronaldo and Neymar, have told Gomerblog the secret ingredient that makes those magic...
astrology

Astrological Signs Predict What Kind of Patient You Are

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA — An assembly of doctors who keep notes about the behavior of their patients grouped by astrological sign has released its...
meatball sub

Search-and-Rescue Spots Man’s Penis Under Fourth Panniculus

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CHICAGO, IL - Gomerblog has some exciting news to report: 59-year-old Fred Turntable is crying tears of joy this morning after he was reunited...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Breaking: CDC Warns of Cooties Outbreak in Children

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ATLANTA, GA - Parents pay close attention: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a new warning to the American public against...
e-cigarette

Responding to E-Cigarette Trend, American College of Medicine Releases Guidelines Recommending Natural Cigarettes

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - The electronic cigarette (e-cigarette) craze has swept the nation, with modest beginnings several years ago leading to annual sales now surpassing $1...