CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed ‘Panniculolithiasis’
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has issued an advisory regarding a new disease being reported sporadically across the country. There have now been over...
Intake Nurse Report: Ex-FBI Director Jim Comey is Really Freakishly Tall
WASHINGTON, D.C. - According to numerous nursing sources who have taken his vital signs and other intake information, recently-fired FBI Director James "Jim" Comey's...
Breaking: New Earwax Impaction Guidelines Released, World Rejoices
ALEXANDRIA, VA - YES!!!! The American-Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery has dropped some serious knowledge on the world with their newly-published and much-anticipated updated...
CDC: “Don’t Forget to Check Human Orifices for Easter Eggs”
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) would like to take this opportunity to wish everybody a "Happy Easter!" and hopes...
Game On: Fitbit Raises Target to 10 Trillion Steps Per Day
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In what they're calling an inevitable but necessary update for our country, Fitbit, the maker of health and fitness activity trackers,...
Doctor to Hand Out Metformin for Halloween
HOUSTON, TX – Local physician Dr. Sharma plans to hand out “Fun-Size” packages of metformin this Halloween.
“Pretty much every child develops diabetes on November...
Doctors and Nurses Fight Back: Proposal to Link Hospital CEO Salaries to Employee Satisfaction...
CHICAGO, IL – State senators in Illinois voted yesterday 45 to 14 in favor of a new proposal put together by physicians, nurses, and other...
Lyrics to the Men’s Health Christmas Carol Favorite: “Check Your Balls”
It is the Season of Giving. Don’t put your d*ck in a box to spread that Christmas cheer; instead, consider performing a testicular self-exam....
Obama Replaces Surgeon General with Nurse Practitioner General
WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a hastily-gathered press conference here today, President Obama announced that effective immediately, Surgeon General Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak,...