ERs Overwhelmed by Life-Threatening, Wrapping Paper-Related Paper Cuts
EVERYWHERE, UNITED STATES - What should be a Christmas morning filled with celebration and cheer has turned to horror and bloodshed: life-threatening wrapping paper-related...
CDC Issues Strong Recommendation to “Lick a Stranger” to Combat COVID-19
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers’ for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued an unprecedented late-breaking public announcement on the novel COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak:
COVID-19 is a...
CDC Official: I Want You to Think Really Hard as You Personally Battle Ebola
Hi. I work for the CDC and I was assigned to your case I traveled from Atlanta as soon as I heard the news....
Doctor Confused by Record Number of Honest Patients
SACRAMENTO, CA - In a truly unusual streak of luck, Dr. Joy Arbor of Sacramento Family Health had all honest patients on her panel...
Secretary Tom Price Deploys Stryker Drone to Mass Vaccinate America for Flu
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Fresh off ex-fixing the Washington Monument, new Secretary of Health and Human Services and orthopedic surgeon Tom Price has turned his...
ICD-10 Already Being Updated to ICD-10.2 in 2014
WASHINGTON, DC - The much anticipated ICD-10 implementation in October 2014 will have new competition. Even before the official release of ICD-10, the International...
Patients on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Now Required to Have Yellow Cart Outside of...
PHILADELPHIA, PA - A new mandate was recently passed that now requires ALL patients that were in contact precautions in the hospital, must have...
Toddler Goldfish and Ketchup Diet Somehow Working
MASSACHUSETTS - A new study just released last week in the journal Nutrition demonstrated that the toddler goldfish and ketchup diet is somehow working; they just...
CDC Offers to Make Thousands of Flawed Ventilators
ATLANTA, GA - To atone for the release of flawed testing kits for the detection of novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control &...
Chief Resident Regrets Decision to Serve Noodles During Lunchtime PowerPoint on Roundworms
ATLANTA, GA - “I have never seen so many people vomit their brains out at once,” said disappointed chief resident Frank Napoli as he...