Beef Rib Named Official State Fruit of Texas
LOCKHART, TX - Say goodbye to the Texas red grapefruit as the official state fruit of Texas. Texas legislators will meet later tomorrow in...
CDC: Medical Noncompliance Actually Caused by Virus
ATLANTA, GA - In breaking news, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has discovered a new virus that causes medical noncompliance, thereby...
Standardized Patient Suing Medical School After No One Detected Prostate Cancer
TAMPA BAY, FL - 56-year-old Michael Finnerly has been volunteering his services to the local medical school's standardized patient program for several years. Last week he was...
Obama Replaces Surgeon General with Nurse Practitioner General
WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a hastily-gathered press conference here today, President Obama announced that effective immediately, Surgeon General Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak,...
Orthopedic Surgeon General Declares Today “National Bone Day”
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Orthopedic Surgeon General of the United States Dr. Brock Hammersley has announced he will declare today a national holiday honoring all...
COVID-19: Thankful On-Call ID Doc Paged Only 43,589 Times Today
BOSTON, MA - Despite America coming to a screeching halt at the hands of a pandemic caused by novel coronavirus COVID-19, a very thankful...
Local Hospital Has New Policy: Ask for Dilaudid, Get Dilaudid, No Questions Asked
COLUMBUS, OH - A local hospital is trying a new, controversial but more efficient approach to medical care. “We have changed our guidelines, if you...
Commentary: I Wish Someone Would Tell Me Why My Vagina Keeps Bleeding
My name is Valerie. I'm thirty-five years old and I've been blessed with good health my entire life. I'm happily married and have two...
Doctor Frantically Considers Options As He Realizes There’s No Toilet Paper Mid-Poop
EL PASO, TX - Facing a crisis of unheralded proportions, medicine intern Edwin Veracruz is mulling over any and all options as he realizes...
Daenerys Still Waiting on Prior Authorization to Conquer Westeros
DRAGONSTONE, WESTEROS - Daenerys Targaryen, or the Queen of Dragons, is still waiting on prior authorization to conquer Westeros and rule the Seven Kingdoms. "I put...