Olympic Hospital Ready to Treat Athletes and Fans From Deadly Brazil
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - The 2016 games are predicted to be the most deadly since the 100 AD games when many Christians lost to...
Bovie Electrocautery Receives FDA Approval for Cutting Red Tape
SILVER SPRING, MD - In an unprecedented move by the Food & Drug Administration (FDA), Bovie electrocautery has been approved for both incisional and excisional...
“Minions” Movie Linked to Rising Rates of Pediatric Hyperkalemia
Emergency departments across the country have been seeing an alarming trend of rising rates of pediatric hyperkalemia since summer of last year. Hyperkalemia, which...
Report: Medical School Limiting the Number of Creepy Applicants to Cut Down on Creepy...
OMAHA, NE – Creighton University led the nation last year in normal to above normal applicants. "We have a pretty good applicant pool when...
CDC Announces “It’s Friday, I’m in Love!!”
ATLANTA, GA - After informing Thursday that it didn't care about it, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has happily announced that...
CDC Recommends Against All Human Interaction
ATLANTA, GA - Citing people as a major cause of epidemics, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) hopes to eliminate infections once and...
Surgeon Takes Clinic Patient Home to Avoid 30-Day Readmission
BOSTON, MA - Dr. Johnny NoSleep, a local vascular surgeon, was sailing his way through his Friday afternoon post-op clinic until he was derailed...
ACEP Renames Black Friday ‘Black & Blue Friday’
IRVING, TX - Recognizing Black Friday not as the first day of the holiday shopping season but as a day to "kill each other...
Major Setback! Scientists Haven’t Worked on Vaccine, Just Been Looking at COVID-19 Memes
ATLANTA, GA - At the CDC the nation has accumulated the world top-notch scientists to work on a Coronavirus Vaccine. After 2 months of...
Preserve Toilet Paper: CDC Strongly Recommends Against Defecation
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has updated its COVID-19 guidelines, stating it recommends strongly against defecation, this in...