Hospital’s Electronic Health Record to Be Replaced by New, Efficient ‘Paper Chart’ System

96
NEW YORK, NY – Citing slow load times, confusing menu structure, and overall frustration with the user interface, St. Barnaby’s Hospital has announced that the...

Millions of Men are Getting Bactrim for Summer

0
With summer here a new trend is sweeping the nation among Mediterranean-descent men: Bactrim. When we looked into this odd trend, via google search, we...
Doc McStuffins, Lambie

Doc McStuffins Caught Sleeping with Lambie, License Suspended

0
SACRAMENTO, CA - The Medical Board of California suspended the license of Dottie "Doc" McStuffins after allegations arose that she conducted an inappropriate relationship with...

Unattended Orthopedic Surgeon Left in Hot Van

0
PHOENIX, AZ - A tragedy occurred at Sacred Heart Hospital on Tuesday.  A couple of patients discovered an unattended orthopedic surgeon in a scorching hot van...
ketchup packet

Toddler Goldfish and Ketchup Diet Somehow Working

2
MASSACHUSETTS - A new study just released last week in the journal Nutrition demonstrated that the toddler goldfish and ketchup diet is somehow working; they just...
Thanksgiving post-prandial

One Week Later, Americans Finally Waking Up from Post-Prandial Thanksgiving State

0
FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA - Though Thanksgiving dinner took place one week ago today, serum tryptophan levels are finally receding and Americans are...

Patients on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Now Required to Have Yellow Cart Outside of...

0
PHILADELPHIA, PA - A new mandate was recently passed that now requires ALL patients that were in contact precautions in the hospital, must have...

CDC: Medical Noncompliance Actually Caused by Virus

0
ATLANTA, GA - In breaking news, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has discovered a new virus that causes medical noncompliance, thereby...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

10 Out of 10 Providers Annoyed Vaseline & Baseline Don’t Rhyme

0
ATLANTA, GA - Through a series of questionnaires and polls, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has uncovered a secret epidemic in...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Confirms ‘Something Going Around’

0
ATLANTA, GA – In a recent press briefing, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed reports that something has been going around.  Constance Bentley,...