No-Show Rates Skyrocket Around Flag Day

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ARLINGTON, VA - Citing elaborate Flag Day celebrations, year after year patients just don't show up at Hamilton & Burr Trauma Hospital near our nation's...

Amazing! Instant Pot Turns Graham Crackers Into Beef Stroganoff

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DALLAS, TX - Score another big win for Instant Pot and its followers: Following a brutal overnight call, second-year internal medicine resident and Instant...

IDSA Recommends Washing Clothes Before, After Every Patient Encounter

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ARLINGTON, VA - In an aggressive effort to help control the spread of microorganisms, the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) strongly recommends health...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Doctor Frantically Considers Options As He Realizes There’s No Toilet Paper Mid-Poop

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EL PASO, TX - Facing a crisis of unheralded proportions, medicine intern Edwin Veracruz is mulling over any and all options as he realizes...
burrito antibiotics

Chipotle to Win Back Customer Trust by Giving Away Free Antibiotics

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DENVER, CO - It’s been a very rough twelve months to say the least for Chipotle, which has seen its reputation severely damaged after...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends 168 Hours of Extreme Exercise Per Week

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ATLANTA, GA - Ready for a sweat, America?  In a long overdue and much anticipated update to its 2008 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans,...
airplane faa npo after midnight

Hospital Administrator Delivers Clutch Performance During In-Flight Cardiac Arrest

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DENVER, CO - Passengers and crew are counting themselves fortunate tonight as their United Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Chicago made an emergency landing...
ebola virus

Ebola Virus: I’m Really Uncomfortable with All This Attention I’m Getting

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Good morning, American citizens.  Let me introduce myself: I'm the Ebola virus. PLEASE!  Calm down, calm down and please allow me a few words.  I...

Oh No! ZDoggMD was Attacked by a Lion on Live Stream

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LAS VEGAS, NV - Looks like Healthcare 3.0 will have to wait.  ZDoggMD was attacked by a lion on his live stream today.  ZDogg...
CDC The Cure Friday I'm in Love

CDC Announces “It’s Friday, I’m in Love!!”

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ATLANTA, GA - After informing Thursday that it didn't care about it, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has happily announced that...