Easter Not Recognized as Holiday, Riots Ensue at Catholic Hospital

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HOSPITAL OF THE RESURRECTION - Religion is not a quiet affair at this institution.  Morning and evening prayers are broadcasted over the PA system...
lab test

New Blood Test Measures Serum A**hole Levels

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BETHESDA, MD - Researchers at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) are giddy over a fantastic new blood test that can only be described...

COVID-19: New 10-Foot Stethoscope Allows Exam from Safe Distance

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MAPLEWOOD, MN - 3M has announced plans to ramp up production of a new Littmann COVID-19 stethoscope specially designed with 10 feet of tubing...
crying infant

Crying Baby Really Trying to Say ‘I Hate You!’

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NEW HAVEN, CT – A new study just published in Pediatrics this month demonstrated that countless parent’s suspicions and anxieties were absolutely correct: When infants cry,...
butthurt anal resection

Breaking: Anal Resection Now First-Line Treatment for Butthurt

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CHICAGO, IL - In response to an exponential increase in cases of butthurt over the past several years, the American College of Surgeons (ACS)...

Bob Costas’ Eye Infection Starting to Get Infected

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SOCHI, RUSSIA – Famous sports anchor Bob Costas has been plagued by a recent eye infection.  The infection started in his left eye and has...
Shkreli & Bresch

Breaking: Martin Shkreli & Heather Bresch Are A**holes

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NEW YORK, NY - In a candid interview on CBS News yesterday, Martin Shkreli admitted that "Yes, Heather Bresch and I are a**holes."  Mylan...
vanc Zosyn

ID to Prescribe Way More Vanc & Zosyn in 2020

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ARLINGTON, VA - Gomerblog is thrilled to report that the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) has officially revealed their New Year's Resolution, and...
wheelchair

Surgeon Takes Clinic Patient Home to Avoid 30-Day Readmission

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BOSTON, MA - Dr. Johnny NoSleep, a local vascular surgeon, was sailing his way through his Friday afternoon post-op clinic until he was derailed...
colonoscopy

Gastroenterologists Recommend Daily Screening Colonoscopy

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BETHESDA, MD - In an effort to improve colorectal cancer screening in the United States, where it is the second leading cause of cancer...