Dr. Fauci Implores We All Watch Bob Ross on Infinite Loop Immediately
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Addressing a restless and concerned American public over COVID-19, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious...
Breaking: Mr. Peanut Allergic to Himself
PITTSBURGH, PA - Unfortunate news today as the Kraft Heinz Company announced that one of its most beloved mascots, Planters' Mr. Peanut, has been...
Michael Phelps Has a Few Too Many Cupping Marks Near Genitals
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - Although Michael Phelps has already drawn attention to the healing technique known as cupping with multiple circular bruises spotted...
Breaking: Anal Resection Now First-Line Treatment for Butthurt
CHICAGO, IL - In response to an exponential increase in cases of butthurt over the past several years, the American College of Surgeons (ACS)...
Surgeon General Turfs Public Health to Hospitalist General
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the complex medical comorbidity of our country's citizens, Surgeon General Jerome Adams has turfed the public health to Hospitalist General...
GU’s Halloweiner Special: Wear Costume, Free Genital Exam
LINTHICUM, MD - The American Urological Association (AUA) is promoting men's health this October 31st by offering a one-day Halloweiner special: visit your urologist...
Nursing Student Enters OR Without Shoe Covers: Beatings Commence
WARWICK, RI - The student nurse stared nervously at the blood-red line bisecting the hallway. Scrub hat and surgical mask, check. Full breakfast and...
Report: Medical School Limiting the Number of Creepy Applicants to Cut Down on Creepy...
OMAHA, NE – Creighton University led the nation last year in normal to above normal applicants. "We have a pretty good applicant pool when...
To Reduce Carbon Dioxide, CDC Recommends Against Exhalation
ATLANTA, GA - In an effort to help reduce atmospheric carbon dioxide (CO2) levels, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued...
CDC Releases Revised Ebola Management Policy for Healthcare Workers: Just Burn Everything
WASHINGTON, DC – In the wake of the infection by Ebola of Nurse Nina Pham, who had cared for the first victim of that...