Scientists Perfect the No-Wipe Poop
BLOOMINGTON, IL – Scientists at Fermi-Labs have discovered something more remarkable and useful to the human race than the God Particle: no-wipe poops. Dan...
U.S. on COVID-19: “Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re My Only Hope”
TATOOINE - While cleaning his new R2-D2 droid after purchasing them from the Jawas, Luke Skywalker accidentally triggered a holographic recording of a desperate...
CDC Recommends Against Loaning Out Your Pen if Someone Asks for It
ATLANTA, GA - Lost amidst the opioid and obesity crises over the past few years, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has...
Luke(s), I Am Your Father
MODESTO, CA - A sperm bank in Modesto has confirmed what millions suspected.
Before he was Darth Vader, the leader of the dark side, Anakin was...
Health Experts Amazed at Diagnostic Ability of New WebMD Kiosks
CHICAGO, IL - A new plan unveiled by WebMD plans to take strain off of primary care physicians.
"This is undoubtedly the next step in...
Mars Probe Discovers River of Essential Oils
WASHINGTON: Surprising revelations keep coming from the red planet, as NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (MRO) was able to direct one of the Mars surface...
Why I Became a Hospital Administrator
After carefully surveying the shifting American healthcare landscape for the past decade, I retired from my increasingly headache filled private practice and said to...
Atlanta Uses Heparin Bridge for Collapsed, Subtherapeutic Part of I-85
ATLANTA, GA - Nearly 24 hours after a massive fire engulfed and collapsed a section of I-85 Northbound near Piedmont Road, rendering it subtherapeutic and...
Entrance of New Children’s Hospital to Feature Adorable Animal Footprints Leading Families Directly to...
DALLAS, TX - As construction continues on the new 300-bed children’s hospital here, officials today announced some exciting design details to the general public. According...