Ebola Now Airborne, Nation Prepares
ATLANTA, GA - Ebola, the most deadly disease known to man, was confirmed to be airborne by the CDC after an extensive investigation of...
ACEP Renames Black Friday ‘Black & Blue Friday’
IRVING, TX - Recognizing Black Friday not as the first day of the holiday shopping season but as a day to "kill each other...
Clinic Handing Out Free Organ Samples
OXFORD, MS - Remember the good old days when you could get free drug samples from your doctor? Well, clinicians at Mississippi Health do. ...
COVID-19: Congress to Send 1,000 Pills of Xanax to Every American
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Trump is expected to approve a new bill sent from Congress that will provide every American citizen 1,000 pills of...
CDC Recommends Against Any Advice to “Eat Sh*t and Die”
ATLANTA, GA - Contrary to what that angry dude might have just screamed at you, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention recommends against...
New Blood Test Measures Serum A**hole Levels
BETHESDA, MD - Researchers at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) are giddy over a fantastic new blood test that can only be described...
Local Veterans Affairs Hospital to Merge with DMV
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to improve efficiency and patient satisfaction, a local Veteran's Affairs (VA) Hospital has announced it will merge with...
Family Cancels Vacation after EpiPen Use
INDIANAPOLIS, IN - Bad news from the Carson family house yesterday, Chris and Jenny had to tell their kids that their recent use of...
Sexy Ebola Nurses Released from 45-Day Quarantine
MOBRIDGE, SD - The nation breathed a sigh of relief today as hordes of sexy Ebola nurses were released from the place of quarantine...
Study: Inverse Relationship Between IQ, Reproductive Capacity
BATON ROUGE, LA - A prospective, observational study out of Baton Rouge reports intelligence is inversely related to reproductive capacity. Investigators quote compelling data...