Hospitals Now Joining Black Friday Frenzy
NEW YORK, NY - Black Friday is hitting America very soon. Stores are now opening their doors almost immediately after millions of Americans finish off eating...
CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys
ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case. A patient with no known Ebola exposures in...
Game On: Fitbit Raises Target to 10 Trillion Steps Per Day
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In what they're calling an inevitable but necessary update for our country, Fitbit, the maker of health and fitness activity trackers,...
Rand Paul’s Medical Credibility Lowered to Jenny McCarthy’s Level
KENTUCKY - In a shocking statement released today by Rand Paul, a well-respected Kentucky senator and ophthalmologist, he believes vaccines can lead to "mental...
Cardiothoracic Surgeon Dreams of Becoming Hollywood Star
NEW YORK, NY - Prominent cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Dale Enderwood had "an amazing dream" last night and he woke up wishing he could return to that dream.
What’s...
Tragedy: Mr. Potato Head Takes Own Life by Jumping into Fryer
BROOKLYN, NY - Unable to cope any longer after a lifetime of hospitalizations for recurrent organ detachment, beloved spud, 65-year-old Mr. Potato Head, has...
FDA Approves of the Administration of Food & Drugs
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing numerous benefits such as satiating hunger, prolonging life, and treating diseases, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) unanimously approved of...
Millions of Millennials Hospitalized in ICUs with White Claw Withdrawal
CHICAGO, IL - A nationwide shortage of White Claw Hard Seltzer has led to an unprecedented surge in hospitalizations, with millions of millennials being...
Ebola Now Airborne, Nation Prepares
ATLANTA, GA - Ebola, the most deadly disease known to man, was confirmed to be airborne by the CDC after an extensive investigation of...
ID Clinic Handing Out Free Chastity Belts
INDIANAPOLIS, IN - An infectious diseases clinic is thinking outside the box in an effort to promote safe sex practices by passing out free...