Standardized Patient Suing Medical School After No One Detected Prostate Cancer

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TAMPA BAY, FL - 56-year-old Michael Finnerly has been volunteering his services to the local medical school's standardized patient program for several years.  Last week he was...
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Habit, I Guess: OB/GYNs Accidentally Swabbing Vaginas for COVID-19

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ATLANTA, GA - The novel coronavirus hasn't even peaked and emergency room personnel are already overwhelmed. In an act of goodwill, everyone is...
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Intake Nurse Report: Ex-FBI Director Jim Comey is Really Freakishly Tall

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - According to numerous nursing sources who have taken his vital signs and other intake information, recently-fired FBI Director James "Jim" Comey's...

Parent Uses Landmark Paper ‘No Difference in Scrape Healing Placebo Vs. Band-Aid’ Without Success

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OMAHA, NE - Local resident Amy Shoemaker has tried to inform her children over and over that Band-Aids applied to only superficial wounds make...

Discharged Patient on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Spotted at Local Grocery Store

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BALTIMORE, MD – 63-year-old Clarence Deeters was recently discharged from Mercy Hospital after being admitted and treated for urosepsis.  While in the hospital for over...
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Surgeon General Admits: Condoms ‘Kinda Suck’

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WASHINGTON, DC - During a press conference yesterday, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy admitted that, although very important, condoms do in fact “kinda suck.” The...
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VIP Treatment Offers Merlot, Pinot Noir as Surgical Prep

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MILL VALLEY, CA - As hospitals across the country merge into corporate conglomerates, they lose their identity, much like identical Walmarts taking out Mom...
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Pharma on the Search for Second Generation Placebo

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After decades of clinical drug trials involving placebos,Placebo pills now have too many side effects.  We need a second generation placebo pill the pharmaceutical...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Confirms ‘Something Going Around’

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ATLANTA, GA – In a recent press briefing, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed reports that something has been going around.  Constance Bentley,...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against Licking Eyeballs

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ATLANTA, GA - Say it isn't so!  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has just announced that it cannot and will not...