That Can’t Be Good: Flu Swab Positive for C. Diff
ATLANTA, GA - In a highly-ominous sign suggesting this year's influenza season may be as bad or even worse than last year's, the Centers...
Michael Phelps Has a Few Too Many Cupping Marks Near Genitals
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - Although Michael Phelps has already drawn attention to the healing technique known as cupping with multiple circular bruises spotted...
COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day
BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have...
To Reduce Carbon Dioxide, CDC Recommends Against Exhalation
ATLANTA, GA - In an effort to help reduce atmospheric carbon dioxide (CO2) levels, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued...
Breaking: Biologists Reclassify Millenials as Fomo Sapiens
WASHINGTON, D.C. - As a result of the known high prevalence of fear of missing out or "FOMO" among millenials, American biologists have undertaken...
Secretary Tom Price Deploys Stryker Drone to Mass Vaccinate America for Flu
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Fresh off ex-fixing the Washington Monument, new Secretary of Health and Human Services and orthopedic surgeon Tom Price has turned his...
CDC Issues Strong Recommendation to “Lick a Stranger” to Combat COVID-19
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers’ for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued an unprecedented late-breaking public announcement on the novel COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak:
COVID-19 is a...
Local Veterans Affairs Hospital to Merge with DMV
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to improve efficiency and patient satisfaction, a local Veteran's Affairs (VA) Hospital has announced it will merge with...
COVID-19: Pretend RNs, MDs Recruited to the Front Line
NEW YORK, NY - In an effort to bolster our nation's supply of health care workers, young pretend nurses and doctors far and wide...
Amazing! Instant Pot Turns Graham Crackers Into Beef Stroganoff
DALLAS, TX - Score another big win for Instant Pot and its followers: Following a brutal overnight call, second-year internal medicine resident and Instant...