influenza C. diff

That Can’t Be Good: Flu Swab Positive for C. Diff

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ATLANTA, GA - In a highly-ominous sign suggesting this year's influenza season may be as bad or even worse than last year's, the Centers...
cerumen impaction earwax

Breaking: New Earwax Impaction Guidelines Released, World Rejoices

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ALEXANDRIA, VA - YES!!!!  The American-Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery has dropped some serious knowledge on the world with their newly-published and much-anticipated updated...
crotch groin testicles

USPSTF Recommends Against Getting Kicked in the Balls Repeatedly

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BOSTON, MA - In an update of their 2006 recommendation statement, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) now recommends against getting kicked, smacked,...

Cinnabon Creates New Insulin Rolls: Insulinabons

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SEATTLE, WA - American purveyor of cinnamon rolls and diabetes, Cinnabon has announced a new tactic to combat the obesity epidemic, not by changing...

With Sanders Out of 2016 Race, CDC Urges Those Still ‘Feeling the Bern’ to...

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ATLANTA, GA – Following the announcement from the Sanders campaign that he has officially withdrawn his candidacy from the 2016 Democratic Presidential Primary Race,...

IDSA Recommends Washing Clothes Before, After Every Patient Encounter

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ARLINGTON, VA - In an aggressive effort to help control the spread of microorganisms, the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) strongly recommends health...
insulin

FDA Bans Insulin Amid Reports of Increased Amputations and Other Life Threatening Diseases

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MEMPHIS, TN – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced on Monday that they are pulling insulin off the shelves across the country.  "We...

Archeologists Discover Ancient Disability Papyrus

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GREECE - Last week on the Greek island of Lesbos, a team of archaeologists unearthed a primitive disability papyrus signed by Hippocrates himself in 405...
noodles that look like roundworms

Chief Resident Regrets Decision to Serve Noodles During Lunchtime PowerPoint on Roundworms

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ATLANTA, GA - “I have never seen so many people vomit their brains out at once,” said disappointed chief resident Frank Napoli as he...

Nursing Student Enters OR Without Shoe Covers: Beatings Commence

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WARWICK, RI - The student nurse stared nervously at the blood-red line bisecting the hallway.  Scrub hat and surgical mask, check.  Full breakfast and...