Insurance Company to Start Paying Clients in Monopoly Money to Cut Costs

0
NEW YORK, NY - Insurance companies have been struggling to stay afloat over the past 5 years.  Most are financially in the black as the...
Earth Day

Earth Day News: After 4.5 Billion Years, Earth Remains Full Code

0
THIRD PLANET, SOLAR SYSTEM - After a two-hour long meeting with NASA’s palliative care service, Earth has decided to remain Full Code. “Hey now, I’m...

Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine

0
KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in.  Millions of...

CDC Issues Strong Recommendation to “Lick a Stranger” to Combat COVID-19

0
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers’ for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued an unprecedented late-breaking public announcement on the novel COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak:   COVID-19 is a...

Study: Inverse Relationship Between IQ, Reproductive Capacity

0
BATON ROUGE, LA - A prospective, observational study out of Baton Rouge reports intelligence is inversely related to reproductive capacity.  Investigators quote compelling data...
hospital ceo salary

CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys

33
ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case.  A patient with no known Ebola exposures in...

New Journal of Negative Studies Announced

0
BOSTON, MA - The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies.  The journal, which will focus...
pepsi

Coca-Cola Lashes Out, Reveals What Happens 1 Hour After Drinking Pepsi

0
ATLANTA, GA - After a recent infographic caused a stir by revealing what happens to the human body within the first hour of drinking...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against Licking Eyeballs

0
ATLANTA, GA - Say it isn't so!  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has just announced that it cannot and will not...
Nurses must now wear reflective belts

Hospital Mandates Nurses Wear Yellow Safety Belts While Checking Out Pyxis Medications

50
NORFOLK, VA - Hospital administrators want to crack down on medication errors and they are willing to go to any length to do it....