CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

To Reduce Carbon Dioxide, CDC Recommends Against Exhalation

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ATLANTA, GA - In an effort to help reduce atmospheric carbon dioxide (CO2) levels, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued...
genital exam, Halloween

GU’s Halloweiner Special: Wear Costume, Free Genital Exam

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LINTHICUM, MD - The American Urological Association (AUA) is promoting men's health this October 31st by offering a one-day Halloweiner special: visit your urologist...

TV Show “Doctor Who” Changes Name to “Nurse Who” After Realizing There Are No...

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LONDON, ENGLAND - The producers of Doctor Who made a huge mistake: they cast a woman to be the next Doctor Who.  After Jodie Whittaker's...

Easter Not Recognized as Holiday, Riots Ensue at Catholic Hospital

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HOSPITAL OF THE RESURRECTION - Religion is not a quiet affair at this institution.  Morning and evening prayers are broadcasted over the PA system...

Placebo Gene Discovered, Thousands of Studies Invalid

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CLEVELAND, OH – In what many are describing as the biggest biology discovery since DNA’s double helix, researchers have discovered the placebo gene. A team...
davinci robot

COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day

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BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Plans to Move and Quarantine Unvaccinated Families

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ATLANTA, GA - In a move that is sure to spark controversy and protest, the CDC released Proposition 23.4 yesterday which grants state governments the...
blue hospital sign hospital signs

U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19

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CHICAGO, IL - The NBA suspended its season when its first player tested positive for COVID. American public schools closed when its first...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against All Human Interaction

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ATLANTA, GA - Citing people as a major cause of epidemics, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) hopes to eliminate infections once and...

COVID-19 Study: Bandanas Superior to N95s, Surgical Masks for PPE

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BOSTON, MA - Good news, healthcare workers: A study published in the New England Journal of PPE has found that bandanas are superior to...