Dermatology Recommends Arctic Winter to Minimize Sun Exposure
ROSEMONT, IL - Continuing its campaign against arch nemesis, the Sun, the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) has issued a new recommendation stating not...
Breaking: Anal Resection Now First-Line Treatment for Butthurt
CHICAGO, IL - In response to an exponential increase in cases of butthurt over the past several years, the American College of Surgeons (ACS)...
Wow, That’s Bold: CDC Says ‘Zero People’ Will Catch the Flu This Year
ATLANTA, GA - Exuding tremendous confidence, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has announced that it plans on pitching a no-hitter this...
Parent Uses Landmark Paper ‘No Difference in Scrape Healing Placebo Vs. Band-Aid’ Without Success
OMAHA, NE - Local resident Amy Shoemaker has tried to inform her children over and over that Band-Aids applied to only superficial wounds make...
Mother of Local Teen Decides to Go For It: Make Physical Exam as Uncomfortable...
WESTCHESTER, NY - Local mother and divorcee Tiffany Smith accompanied her 18 year old daughter Kaycie Smith into the exam room, clinic staff confirmed....
Local Jockeys Hired as Flight Nurses to Save on Fuel Costs
MADISON, WI - Emergency air medical transport & critical care transport company, Lift for Life, has significantly changed their operations. In an unprecedented move...
Colossal coronavirus about to devour New York City
NEW YORK, NY - Currently billions and billions of virus-sized Godzillas are wreaking havoc on New York. The coronavirus is speading like wildfire. Now...
Hospital Safety: Fire Marshall Bill Edition
Fire Marshall Bill Burns taught us valuable lessons in safety for 5 years. This one in the hospital was none other than the best....
CDC: Medical Noncompliance Actually Caused by Virus
ATLANTA, GA - In breaking news, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has discovered a new virus that causes medical noncompliance, thereby...
CDC Recommends IV Dilaudid to Treat Foot Pain Caused by Stepping on a Stray...
ATLANTA, GA - Finally acknowledging it as the most painful thing a human being can ever experience, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)...