CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against Licking Eyeballs

0
ATLANTA, GA - Say it isn't so!  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has just announced that it cannot and will not...

Program Offers Bone Marrow Transplant for Anti-Vaxxers

0
A new program funded by a group of private donors will allow any healthy person who is staunchly opposed to vaccinations to undergo a...

Whole Foods to Offer Free Gluten Sensitivity Tests in Aisles

0
HARTFORD, CT - In an attempt to further push gluten-free foods into the public eye, Whole Foods has added point of care celiac sprue...

Product Review: Mattel’s Resuscitate Me Elmo

30
  Pros / Thanks to his lovable and playful interactions, Resuscitate Me Elmo makes it ridiculously easy and fun to learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). Cons /...
honest patient

Doctor Confused by Record Number of Honest Patients

0
SACRAMENTO, CA - In a truly unusual streak of luck, Dr. Joy Arbor of Sacramento Family Health had all honest patients on her panel...

Disgusting! This Patient’s Cranial Nerves Were Grossly Intact

0
When you didn't think medicine could deliver any more heebie-jeebies, this clinic just received a large, overnight shipment of them.  Last week, per the...
hypertension guidelines

Labile Guidelines: ACC/AHA Hypertension Cutoff Now 180/100

0
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last month, several societies including the American College of Cardiology (ACC) and American Heart Association (AHA) redefined hypertension as greater than...
nutritionist

Nutritionist Confronts Arch Nemesis, The Malnutritionist

0
ATLANTA, GA - Things are tense this morning at Tostitos Medical Center (TMC) as clinical nutritionist and protagonist Alice Dash just ran into her...

Cinnabon Creates New Insulin Rolls: Insulinabons

0
SEATTLE, WA - American purveyor of cinnamon rolls and diabetes, Cinnabon has announced a new tactic to combat the obesity epidemic, not by changing...

Breaking: Scott Pruitt Leaves EPA to Join Hospital Ethics Committee

0
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald J. Trump announced over Twitter this afternoon that Scott Pruitt will be leaving his leadership role as Administrator of...