CDC: Stop Using Purulent Speculums as Tongue Depressors
ATLANTA, GA - Disturbed by a surge in case reports driven by medical providers who are either short on equipment or just extremely lazy,...
Michael Phelps Has a Few Too Many Cupping Marks Near Genitals
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - Although Michael Phelps has already drawn attention to the healing technique known as cupping with multiple circular bruises spotted...
“Bieber Fever” Determined to Be Neurosyphilis
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Scientists have been investigating an outbreak that has been sweeping over the world the past several years that has been coined...
10 Out of 10 Providers Annoyed Vaseline & Baseline Don’t Rhyme
ATLANTA, GA - Through a series of questionnaires and polls, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has uncovered a secret epidemic in...
COVID-19 Study: Bandanas Superior to N95s, Surgical Masks for PPE
BOSTON, MA - Good news, healthcare workers: A study published in the New England Journal of PPE has found that bandanas are superior to...
Labile Guidelines: ACC/AHA Hypertension Cutoff Now 180/100
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last month, several societies including the American College of Cardiology (ACC) and American Heart Association (AHA) redefined hypertension as greater than...
True to Its Name: Life Savers Prevented 3 Million Deaths in 2017
CLEVELAND, OH - A survey conducted by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) has gotten everyone's attention as it revealed that Life Savers hard...
Reminder: Vasopressin First-Line for Treatment of Sticker Shock
MOUNT PROSPECT, IL - With holiday shopping in full swing, the Society of Critical Care Medicine (SCCM) is reminding health care professionals that vasopressin...
Tide Pods Found to Have Dangerously High Levels of Gluten and GMOs
CINCINNATI, OH – The recent uptick in teenagers intentionally eating Tide Pods has been garnering a lot of media attention lately, but the real danger...
Breaking: Biologists Reclassify Millenials as Fomo Sapiens
WASHINGTON, D.C. - As a result of the known high prevalence of fear of missing out or "FOMO" among millenials, American biologists have undertaken...