To Reduce Carbon Dioxide, CDC Recommends Against Exhalation
ATLANTA, GA - In an effort to help reduce atmospheric carbon dioxide (CO2) levels, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued...
GU’s Halloweiner Special: Wear Costume, Free Genital Exam
LINTHICUM, MD - The American Urological Association (AUA) is promoting men's health this October 31st by offering a one-day Halloweiner special: visit your urologist...
TV Show “Doctor Who” Changes Name to “Nurse Who” After Realizing There Are No...
LONDON, ENGLAND - The producers of Doctor Who made a huge mistake: they cast a woman to be the next Doctor Who. After Jodie Whittaker's...
Easter Not Recognized as Holiday, Riots Ensue at Catholic Hospital
HOSPITAL OF THE RESURRECTION - Religion is not a quiet affair at this institution. Morning and evening prayers are broadcasted over the PA system...
Placebo Gene Discovered, Thousands of Studies Invalid
CLEVELAND, OH – In what many are describing as the biggest biology discovery since DNA’s double helix, researchers have discovered the placebo gene.
A team...
COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day
BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have...
CDC Plans to Move and Quarantine Unvaccinated Families
ATLANTA, GA - In a move that is sure to spark controversy and protest, the CDC released Proposition 23.4 yesterday which grants state governments the...
U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19
CHICAGO, IL - The NBA suspended its season when its first player tested positive for COVID. American public schools closed when its first...
CDC Recommends Against All Human Interaction
ATLANTA, GA - Citing people as a major cause of epidemics, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) hopes to eliminate infections once and...
COVID-19 Study: Bandanas Superior to N95s, Surgical Masks for PPE
BOSTON, MA - Good news, healthcare workers: A study published in the New England Journal of PPE has found that bandanas are superior to...