Milk Fat Prolongs Survival of Government Dietary Recommendations
With the recent release from NSA data-mining archives proving that whole milk is indeed better than skim milk for cardiovascular health, dieticians throughout the...
Easter Not Recognized as Holiday, Riots Ensue at Catholic Hospital
HOSPITAL OF THE RESURRECTION - Religion is not a quiet affair at this institution. Morning and evening prayers are broadcasted over the PA system...
Government to Mandate Scale-Operated Doors at All American Buffet Restaurants
WASHINGTON, DC - At the urging of First Lady Michelle Obama, the POTUS has issued an executive order aimed at curtailing the staggering rates...
Doctor Confused by Record Number of Honest Patients
SACRAMENTO, CA - In a truly unusual streak of luck, Dr. Joy Arbor of Sacramento Family Health had all honest patients on her panel...
CDC Warns Man Buns Harbor Zika Virus
ATLANTA, GA - The Center for Disease Control has issued a very clear warning: Do not date or interact with any men with man...
Atlanta Uses Heparin Bridge for Collapsed, Subtherapeutic Part of I-85
ATLANTA, GA - Nearly 24 hours after a massive fire engulfed and collapsed a section of I-85 Northbound near Piedmont Road, rendering it subtherapeutic and...
No-Show Rates Skyrocket Around Flag Day
ARLINGTON, VA - Citing elaborate Flag Day celebrations, year after year patients just don't show up at Hamilton & Burr Trauma Hospital near our nation's...
Texas Execution Delayed Due to Inmate’s NPO Status
DALLAS, TX – For the third time this week a Texas execution was canceled due to the prison inmate #474901’s NPO status. "Someone’s got...
Program Offers Bone Marrow Transplant for Anti-Vaxxers
A new program funded by a group of private donors will allow any healthy person who is staunchly opposed to vaccinations to undergo a...