baby aspirin

FDA Reminder: Baby Aspirin Not Actually Meant for Babies

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SILVER SPRING, MD - Looking to clear things up to the confused American public, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a reminder that...

Study: ‘Brilliant Butthole Sign’ Diagnostic of TP Hoarding

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BOSTON, MA - Clinicians, be alert: A new study in the New England Journal of Coronavirus has found that a physical exam finding known...

Actors Who Played TV Doctors Offered Honorary Medical Degrees, Can’t Afford Them

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BOSTON, MA - Esteemed actors Hugh Laurie (House, M.D.), Zach Braff (Scrubs), and George Clooney (ER), known for their masterful portrayals of physicians on...
Johnson & Johnson asbestos baby powder

Johnson & Johnson Doubles Down With 100% Asbestos Baby Powder

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NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ - Despite stocks plummeting 11% after a Reuters report claimed the company knew asbestos has been in its baby powder for...

Traffic Not Only Causes Stress, It Causes Syphilis Too

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STUCK IN THE MIDDLE LANE (STILL), INTERSTATE 85 SOUTH, ATLANTA, GA - Traffic jams are modern transit’s strokes.  At rush hour or any hour in...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Why Not: CDC Recommends Adding Vanco & Zosyn to the Water

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ATLANTA, GA - Finally accepting the reality that antibiotic stewardship among health care professionals is just a pipe dream, Acting Director of the Centers...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against HIV, Infections in General

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ATLANTA, GA - In a statement earlier today, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has recommended against the human immunodeficiency virus (or...
gluten allergy

After Binging on Pizza and Beer, Local Man Claims to Have Gluten Allergy

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BERKELEY, CA – Local resident Charles Longfellow is no stranger to beer.  “A typical weekend I’ll go through a couple cases,” he told reporters...
paper cuts

ERs Overwhelmed by Life-Threatening, Wrapping Paper-Related Paper Cuts

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EVERYWHERE, UNITED STATES - What should be a Christmas morning filled with celebration and cheer has turned to horror and bloodshed: life-threatening wrapping paper-related...
vitmains

Nomega Approved by FDA

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RESEARCH TRIANGLE, NC - Smyth Pharmaceuticals proudly announces the release of its new medication Nullefficaciter Sodium under the trade name Nomega.  Nomega recently cleared...