European Society of Cardiology Recommends Aspirin Before World Cup Final Kickoff
MOSCOW, RUSSIA - Heeding the advice of the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) ahead of the 2018 FIFA World Cup Final at Luzhniki Stadium...
Medical Meth to Increase Tax, Dental Revenue
JAY, FL - Not since legalized marijuana increased Colorado's Revenues and Frito Lay's profits, has a drug’s side effects so quickly boosted another profession’s revenue....
Nation’s Doctors Experiencing Intractable Nausea & Vomiting Due to House-Passed Health Care Bill
WASHINGTON, DC - Gomerblog reports that our nation's doctors have been experiencing intractable nausea and vomiting coupled with stomach upset immediately after the narrow passage...
Why Not: CDC Recommends Adding Vanco & Zosyn to the Water
ATLANTA, GA - Finally accepting the reality that antibiotic stewardship among health care professionals is just a pipe dream, Acting Director of the Centers...
‘I’m Never Going to Drink Again’ Uttered by 40 Million Americans New Year’s Morning
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The FDA estimates that over 40 million Americans will utter the phrase “I’m never going to drink again” on New Year’s...
Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns
INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION - Due to justified concerns about their own immune systems, an alien race has decided to postpone their plans for a...
Person Going for Run in 95-Degree Weather Clearly Doesn’t Have Decision-Making Capacity
ATHENS, GA - Clearly not considering dire consequences like severe hydration, heat stroke, and heat exhaustion, runner Michael Rabdo has shown he does not...
Groundbreaking Study Finds ‘Apple a Day’ Therapy Prevents 100% of Hospital Readmissions
KANSAS CITY, MO – A group of researchers who set out to find the most effective way to prevent hospital patients from having to...
CDC Recommends Against Loaning Out Your Pen if Someone Asks for It
ATLANTA, GA - Lost amidst the opioid and obesity crises over the past few years, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has...
Santa Just Giving Everyone Influenza B for Christmas
NORTH POLE - He himself quarantined up in the North Pole at his wife's insistence, Santa is just bagging it in and giving every...