Local Man Overdoses on Homeopathic Medication
PORTLAND, OR – John Bale was recently infected with whooping cough, a disease making a comeback now due to anti-vaxxers. Bale is a product...
FDA Recommends Americans Reuse Toilet Paper
WASHINGTON, D.C. - It is well-known that we are still in the midst of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. In a...
Earth Day News: After 4.5 Billion Years, Earth Remains Full Code
THIRD PLANET, SOLAR SYSTEM - After a two-hour long meeting with NASA’s palliative care service, Earth has decided to remain Full Code.
“Hey now, I’m...
CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving
ATLANTA, GA - Ahead of Thanksgiving, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued a new blood gravy content (BCG) chart, reminding...
New AHA CPR Guidelines Introduce “Sensual” Rescue Breaths
DALLAS, TX - In a change of course from recent guidelines which stressed hands on chest-only CPR for bystanders, the American Heart Association (AHA) has...
Florida Physicians Open Moving Company: Two Docs and a Box
FT. LAUDERDALE, FL - Andrew DiCampo and Berger Winsome are your typical industrious and honest physicians who set out to build their primary care...
FDA Streamlines Drug Approvals by Eliminating Cumbersome Process of Reviewing Evidence
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A new report published in JAMA (Journal Against Medical Advice) found the Food and Drug Administration's plan to streamline the process...
Mayo Secretly Celebrates New #1 Status After Cleveland Clinic Comes Out Anti-Vax
ROCHESTER, MN - The Mayo Clinic recently held a campus-wide party this weekend full of "Number 1" balloons and cakes that said "Mayo #1". ...
Wearing Santa Hat Not Curative for Burnout, Career Dissatisfaction
BOSTON, MA - A new study published in a special Christmas edition of the New England Journal of Burnout has unfortunately found that wearing...
CDC Recommends Against Rolling Around Naked with Coronavirus-Positive Patient for Hours on End
ATLANTA, GA - In updated guidelines just published on its website, the Centers of Disease & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends against rolling around naked...