Whole Foods to Offer Free Gluten Sensitivity Tests in Aisles

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HARTFORD, CT - In an attempt to further push gluten-free foods into the public eye, Whole Foods has added point of care celiac sprue...
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CDC Recommends Against Finding Hypodermic Needles in a Haystack

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says there is minimal risk associated with the search for a regular needle in...

Guy on Motorcycle Looking Forward to Donating His Organs

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CALIFORNIA – Harris Jasper, a 3-year rider of a Kawasaki Ninja, or crotch rocket, told friends and family that this year would likely be the year...

COVID-19: Thankful On-Call ID Doc Paged Only 43,589 Times Today

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BOSTON, MA - Despite America coming to a screeching halt at the hands of a pandemic caused by novel coronavirus COVID-19, a very thankful...

Local Man Has Ingenious Plan to Join Gym January 1st

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LOUISVILLE, KY - Local man Doug Sims is beaming with pride today as he started his long over-due work out plan. "I had an...

Man Claims to Have Caught Ebola from Flu Shot

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DALLAS, TX - Local resident Sam Worthington is claiming to have contracted Ebola from his yearly flu shot.  The irony is found in contracting a...
webmd kiosk

Health Experts Amazed at Diagnostic Ability of New WebMD Kiosks

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CHICAGO, IL - A new plan unveiled by WebMD plans to take strain off of primary care physicians. "This is undoubtedly the next step in...
millenials fomo sapiens

Breaking: Biologists Reclassify Millenials as Fomo Sapiens

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - As a result of the known high prevalence of fear of missing out or "FOMO" among millenials, American biologists have undertaken...

Nursing Student Enters OR Without Shoe Covers: Beatings Commence

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WARWICK, RI - The student nurse stared nervously at the blood-red line bisecting the hallway.  Scrub hat and surgical mask, check.  Full breakfast and...
emergency department

Emergency Department to Stock Emergency Cyanide Kits for Staff Use

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ROANOKE, VA - Hospital administration at Our Lady of the Chronic Abdominal Migraines Hospital in Roanoke has agreed to staff requests for emergency cyanide...