brain biopsy

FIFA Requiring “Soccer Biter” to Have Brain Biopsy to Look for Rabies

6
BRAZIL - In a stunning announcement today, FIFA officials will require Luis Suarez, the Uruguayan soccer player who bit Italy’s Giorgio Chiellini in the...

Groundbreaking Study Finds ‘Apple a Day’ Therapy Prevents 100% of Hospital Readmissions

0
KANSAS CITY, MO – A group of researchers who set out to find the most effective way to prevent hospital patients from having to...

Intergalactic Health Council Recommends Galaxies Stay at Least 6 Million Light-Years Apart

0
THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA - The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth....
Cookie Monster Sexy Bod

Looking Hot! Cookie Monster Shows Off New Sexy Bod After Trading in Cookies for...

0
JUST WEST OF SESAME STREET - Holy sexiness, Batman!  So much has been happening in the news recently that it's hard to lose sight...
astrology

Astrological Signs Predict What Kind of Patient You Are

0
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — An assembly of doctors who keep notes about the behavior of their patients grouped by astrological sign has released its...

Daenerys Still Waiting on Prior Authorization to Conquer Westeros

0
DRAGONSTONE, WESTEROS - Daenerys Targaryen, or the Queen of Dragons, is still waiting on prior authorization to conquer Westeros and rule the Seven Kingdoms.  "I put...

Parent Uses Landmark Paper ‘No Difference in Scrape Healing Placebo Vs. Band-Aid’ Without Success

2
OMAHA, NE - Local resident Amy Shoemaker has tried to inform her children over and over that Band-Aids applied to only superficial wounds make...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Breaking: CDC Warns of Cooties Outbreak in Children

0
ATLANTA, GA - Parents pay close attention: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a new warning to the American public against...
vanc Zosyn

ID to Prescribe Way More Vanc & Zosyn in 2020

0
ARLINGTON, VA - Gomerblog is thrilled to report that the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) has officially revealed their New Year's Resolution, and...
food

Texas Execution Delayed Due to Inmate’s NPO Status

8
DALLAS, TX – For the third time this week a Texas execution was canceled due to the prison inmate #474901’s NPO status.  "Someone’s got...