Hospital Gnome Retiring ‘Very Happy with Life’s Work’
DALLAS, TX – Gergio, the hospital gnome assigned to Methodist Dallas Medical Center, called it quits on Friday. Over 20 years of disconnecting patient lines,...
Game of Thrones HMOs Going Bankrupt
KINGS LANDING, WESTERNOS - Following a three-year onslaught of unexpected increases in operating cost, all five major health maintenance organization (HMO) companies serving the Seven...
Crying Baby Really Trying to Say ‘I Hate You!’
NEW HAVEN, CT – A new study just published in Pediatrics this month demonstrated that countless parent’s suspicions and anxieties were absolutely correct: When infants cry,...
Breaking: CDC Warns of Cooties Outbreak in Children
ATLANTA, GA - Parents pay close attention: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a new warning to the American public against...
COVID-19: House Relief Package to Provide Billions & Billions of Dollars of Toilet Paper
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Shortly after President Trump declared a national emergency due to COVID-19, the House of Representatives passed a bill in a vote...
Nutritionist Confronts Arch Nemesis, The Malnutritionist
ATLANTA, GA - Things are tense this morning at Tostitos Medical Center (TMC) as clinical nutritionist and protagonist Alice Dash just ran into her...
Treadmill Drama: A**Hole Virtual Runner Won’t Move Out of the Way
BIRMINGHAM, AL - With a rare opportunity to exercise, third-year surgical resident Jason Mann's excitement to go running on his apartment complex treadmill this...
Cinnabon Creates New Insulin Rolls: Insulinabons
SEATTLE, WA - American purveyor of cinnamon rolls and diabetes, Cinnabon has announced a new tactic to combat the obesity epidemic, not by changing...
Why Not: CDC Recommends Adding Vanco & Zosyn to the Water
ATLANTA, GA - Finally accepting the reality that antibiotic stewardship among health care professionals is just a pipe dream, Acting Director of the Centers...
Local Health System Admits to Scaring Away Older Physicians with Technology
LAS VEGAS, NV - When faced with the difficult work of encouraging some older, higher paid doctors to retire (so they could be replaced...