Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns
INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION - Due to justified concerns about their own immune systems, an alien race has decided to postpone their plans for a...
Non-Confrontational Physician Reassures Patient That the Trichomonas Was Probably Just from a Toilet Seat
Not all physicians are great at breaking bad news. One perpetual waffler, Dr. Drew Stapleman, recently reassured his patient that the trichomonads infesting her...
Astrological Signs Predict What Kind of Patient You Are
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — An assembly of doctors who keep notes about the behavior of their patients grouped by astrological sign has released its...
Doctor Puts Tostitos Restaurant Style Chips and Salsa in Waiting Room, Business Booms
Dr. Dufunk, while watching Dancing with the Stars with his wife, noticed during a commercial that putting Tostitos Restaurant Style Chips out in your...
RxCupid a New Dating Site for Patients
PALO ALTO, CA - A new dating site has received its initial funding, called RxCupid. The website tries to match the perfect patients together....
Surgeon General to Reverse Opioid Epidemic with Whopping Dose of Narcan
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Acting Surgeon General Sylvia Trent-Adams has unveiled a new strategy against the nation's opioid epidemic, and it simply involves giving the...
Local Hospital Has New Policy: Ask for Dilaudid, Get Dilaudid, No Questions Asked
COLUMBUS, OH - A local hospital is trying a new, controversial but more efficient approach to medical care. “We have changed our guidelines, if you...
CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving
ATLANTA, GA - Ahead of Thanksgiving, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued a new blood gravy content (BCG) chart, reminding...
Scientists Perfect the No-Wipe Poop
BLOOMINGTON, IL – Scientists at Fermi-Labs have discovered something more remarkable and useful to the human race than the God Particle: no-wipe poops. Dan...
Responding to E-Cigarette Trend, American College of Medicine Releases Guidelines Recommending Natural Cigarettes
PHILADELPHIA, PA - The electronic cigarette (e-cigarette) craze has swept the nation, with modest beginnings several years ago leading to annual sales now surpassing $1...