troponin bump

Intern Has Mild Troponin Bump Over Patient’s Mild Troponin Bump

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NASHVILLE, TN - After seeing her patient with chest pain develop a mild troponin bump up to 0.25 on this morning's set of labs,...
attending physician

Doctor Horrified to Learn That Today’s Actually Thursday, Not Friday

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NEW YORK, NY - Colleagues are watching in stunned silence as Mount Sinai Hospital hospitalist Valerie Owens holds back the tears as it hits her...
Seven Blunders

New battery-free pager powered by residents’ sweat and tears.

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In a seemingly limitless display of fiscal ingenuity, hospital administrators have invented a battery-free pager. Administrators have long lamented the hundreds of dollars wasted...
stairwell at hospital

Residency Programs Nationwide Call Jeopardy to Replace New Interns Lost in Stairwells

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CHICAGO, IL - Residency programs nationwide - including but not limited to emergency medicine, family medicine, general surgery, internal medicine, neurosurgery, OB/GYN, and pediatrics...
charting more charting meaning of life

Scientists, Spiritual Leaders Unlock Meaning of Life: Charting, More Charting

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AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS - A week-long meeting of the world's leading scientists, scholars, and spiritual leaders at The Hague has culminated in a solution to mankind's...

Area LEGO Man Admitted with Bright Red Blocks Per Rectum

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LEGOLAND, FL - An area LEGO man is in serious condition at LEGOLAND Medical Center after he presented to the emergency department (ED) with...
NBME

NBME Announces Yet Another Board Examination STEP Up 4

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - In an unexpected press release, the National Board of Medical Examiners (NBME) revealed that a new Step examination for the United...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: The Adjective of Pus is ‘Purulent,’ Not ‘P**sy’

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ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued an important reminder to healthcare providers today, reminding them once and...
program director drinking

After Ridiculous Uber Incident, More Trouble for the Miami Neurology Program

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MIAMI, FL - More troubling news is surfacing from the Miami neurology program that is still reeling from the now infamous video of one...