Thursday, June 24, 2021
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for Prescribing Opioids for Chronic Pain," citing new data analysis from...

Residents Dismiss Report They Rarely Wash White Coats: “We Don’t Wash Our Regular Clothes...

HYGIENE, CO—According to a recent study, doctors rarely, if ever, launder their white lab coats, a nauseating fact given that these coats carry and potentially spread dangerous pathogens. Medical residents, in particular, took issue...
confused resident

MD Aware: Intern Disputes His Actually Being “Aware” in RN Note

CINCINNATI, OH - Emdee Awahray, an intern covering the general medicine floor overnight, has disputed the claim made by an RN in her overnight documentation note.  The RN, who wished not to be identified,...

Local Resident Physician Found in Respiratory Therapist Car’s Trunk

GLENDALE, AZ – Resident physician, Dr. Chad Rogers, was finally found after a 2-day manhunt.  His wife states that he went to work 8 days ago and not coming home after a week triggered an alarm.  "I...

STAT Officially Means “Maybe”

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Ever wonder why your 8 AM stat blood draw hasn’t been done even though it’s now 7 PM the next day?  Now we know.  Earlier this morning the Institute of Phlebotomy...
nurse saves resident

Nurse Saves Resident’s A** Again

In a usual twist of events, Nurse Betty Sue has prevented yet another resident from killing an unsuspecting patient. Late in the evening, Nurse Betty Sue noticed that resident Dr. Jen Willis had ordered 100...
joint commission

Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity

OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission believes that when a patient has “20 out of 10 pain” it isn’t the patient’s fault, it’s the scale’s fault.  That is why the Joint Commission is...

AMA To Stop Publishing Guidelines, Focus Instead on Selling Insurance

The American Medical Association recently announced a plan to end its longtime role in CME and guideline publication and instead focus on selling term life, disability, and auto insurance, along with magazine subscriptions. According...

Physical Exam Tips: The Abdomen

Two things are needed for a spectacular abdominal exam: luck and an abdomen.  The following review focuses on different aspects of the abdominal exam, after which you should be more confident than ever to...
medical pager

Pages We Love to Get at Any Point During the Day

These are probably the best pages any health care professional can ask for! "We're building forts out of drapes, wanna join?! - Anesthesia, OR 4" "Go home, I'm gonna write ur notes today - Hospital Administrator" "Patient...