Not Quite: Intern Claims Champagne Tap After Sticking Bottle of Moët & Chandon
BOSTON, MA - An intern’s initial excitement was quickly reeled in after his team pointed out that sticking a spinal needle through cork of a bottle of Moët & Chandon Imperial Brut did not...
Hospital Quarantine Ended After Horrifying Smell from Post-Call Resident Deemed ‘Non-Toxic’
FAR ROCKAWAY, NY - A 24-hour quarantine of 18 medical students and 15 interns was called off after CDC officials confirmed that the fumes experienced at rounds this morning in fact came from a...
It’s a Match! Tinder to Replace NRMP Match in Residency Programs
BOSTON, MA – With an increasing number of medical school seniors applying for The Match each year, residency programs have admittedly been looking for a better way to sift through the applications. New data from...
Impoverished Village Featured in its 500th Medical School Admission Essay
MKUYUNI, MWANZA REGION, TANZANIA - A rural Tanzanian village is celebrating a major milestone today: being featured in its 500th medical school admission essay.
The village, with its picturesque tin-roofed hovels and lack of piped water, reflected...
Frequent Fliers Hired to Evaluate Emergency Medicine Residents
ST. PAUL, MN - Responding to feedback that existing resident assessments were not properly evaluating the attendings of tomorrow in how they adapt to important trends in medicine, the University of Minnesota Emergency Medicine (EM)...
Internist Trampled to Death by Herd of Wild Zebras
ST. LOUIS, MO - Sad news today as a local internal medicine physician was trampled to death by a herd of wild zebras while walking to the hospital. Witnesses say the deceased, identified as...
Report: Essential Hypertension, Not at All Essential
PITTSBURGH, PA - Scientists discovered Wednesday that essential hypertension is not at all essential for life. "We were totally wrong when we discovered hypertension," claims head researcher Dr. Dan Shoemaker. "I don't know how...
Joint Commission is Coming: Hospital to Change Everything for Three Days Then Revert to...
EVERY HOSPITAL, USA - Hospital administrators have finally cracked the secret to passing the highly-dreaded Joint Commission inspections. For decades, the Joint Commission (JC) or previously called JACHO, but don't EVER call them that now...
If the Alcoholic Patient in Room 320 Soils His Sheets Again, Nurse Plans on...
MIAMI, FL - Emily Jenkins, a medical ward nurse, plans on completely "losing it" if the alcoholic patient in room 320 soils his bed sheets again. "I’ve had it!" she proclaimed. "He is an ignorant,...
Bickering Chiefs of Medicine & Surgery Sent to the Principal’s Office, Yet Again
BOSTON, MA - In developing news at Boston Health & Science University, 51-year-old Chief of Medicine Kyle Jones and 53-year-old Chief of Surgery Maya Roberts were sent by the Charge Nurse on Unit 31...