Thousands Sick with 80-Degree Flu Today

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - In what can only be described as the largest summer epidemic, experts are working frantically to find a cure for the...
spay neuter frightened favorite pen

New Report Shows Patients & July Interns Equally Frightened by One Another

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NEW YORK, NY - Patients and July interns are all equally frightened by one another during the month of July, sometimes into August and...

Fortune Cookies Replace Lotto Numbers with Vital Signs

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BROOKLYN, NY - In an effort to appeal to health care professionals who order Chinese food for take out because the cafeteria is closed, fortune...
aorta

Laboratory Technician Decides to Delay ‘Stat’ Blood Test Result Due to Excessive Pestering

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INDIANA – Today a laboratory technician at Holy Cross Hospital decided enough was enough and took matters into his own hands.  At 5:42 a.m....
medical student

Medical Student Forgoes Last Year, Jumps to Residency Draft Early

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In an unprecedented move, John Cummings held a press conference in the student lounge to announce his decision to forgo the last year of...

Medical Student Accidentally Pimps Orthopedic Surgeon

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NEW YORK, NY - In what is being called a “total collapse of the medical training hierarchy,” third-year medical student Jennifer Hutchinson of University Medical...

Oh No! ZDoggMD was Attacked by a Lion on Live Stream

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LAS VEGAS, NV - Looks like Healthcare 3.0 will have to wait.  ZDoggMD was attacked by a lion on his live stream today.  ZDogg...
Bananas

Physician Shocked to Learn Banana Bags Not Made with Real Fruit

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Local hospitalist Marcel Beignet was shocked and aghast to learn from colleagues today that banana bags, which are used to...
residents

ACGMEmojis to be the standard evaluation tool for resident feedback

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ACGMEmojis: the modified visual analog scale ☠💩🗑👊🏻⭐️🍪💰💣🏆 In recent years, medical education has undergone a major overhaul in philosophy. There has been a steady shift away...

Headlines from the Week in Medical News

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ROCHESTER, NY - After two-year grant-writing process, associate professor of medicine’s submission to JAMA’s “funny cartoon caption contest” fails peer review process. AKRON, OH -...