NEW YORK, NY – Gomerblog is sad to report that 68-year-old lifelong Rangers fan, Michael Richter, unfortunately passed away midway through the third period of last night’s bout between the New York Rangers and Montreal Canadiens at Madison Square Garden after he exsanguinated from both nares during an action-packed, back-and-forth game. The cause of death is massive epistaxis. Richter had seats in the final row of section 419.
“We are saddened by the passing of Mr. Richter, our hearts are with his wife and kids,” said a solemn Glen Sather, President of the New York Rangers organization. “But man, those seats are way, WAY up there. No wonder he died. He was in the nosebleeds of the nosebleeds. Whose nose wouldn’t hemorrhage while up there? What terrible seats! You can touch the roof where he was sitting. Why do we even make those?!”
Despite knowing the risks, Richter decided to wing it: he didn’t bring any Afrin or nasal packing and he definitely didn’t invite an otolaryngologist along. It was doomed from the get-go.
Richter becomes the 3,500th sports fan since 2010 to have died with fatal epistaxis due to crappy seats.