1. Know your favorite bone. Nothing looks worse for an applicant than showing up for the interview and not knowing what your favorite bone. Don’t pick something lame like a foot bone. Choose something strong like a femur, or the other femur.

2. Know your interviewer’s favorite bone. A little pre-interview research goes a long way. An orthopod’s favorite bone is usually included in their name on Facebook, e.g. Frank (Tibia) Johnson. If you know the interviewers bony proclivities beforehand, you can regale him or her with hilarious anecdotes featuring their favorite bone.

3. Book smarts will get you nowhere. Ortho doesn’t care about how many books you’ve read. It’s probably best not to mention books at all. You don’t want to come across as somebody who knows how to read.

4. Bring a telephone book. Walk in, tear it in half, and then leave.

5. Don’t use words that have more than 3 syllables. In fact, syllable should be the most complex word in your vocabulary, other than the word vocabulary. An orthopedic surgeon’s reading level diminishes with age. By the time you sit down to interview with a 60 year old orthopod, they can understand that there are bones and that you should like them, and that’s about it. Your interview should be spent convincing the interviewer of your love for bones.

6. Wear one of those short-sleeved tuxedo shirts. They love those.

7. Describe how much you love Ancef. Don’t just tell them you love ancef. Describe it. And be slow about it too. Talk about how much you like the name. Talk about how much you enjoy ordering a continuous infusion FOR HOURS during surgery and how it doesn’t cover all the bugs, but it does cover the bone bugs.