ATLANTA, GA – A recent outbreak of a dangerous enterobacteria, brought the Center for Disease Control (CDC) to their own backyard yesterday to search for a cause. It looks like they may have found what they are looking for, but the culprit has experts baffled on what to do next.
“The outbreak has been linked to a break room in the CDC infection control department,” said Chief Investigator Dr. William Quickers.
“This is very embarrassing to report, but the table and refrigerator in the break room were covered in the deadly enterobacteria, carbapenem-resistant Enterobacteriaceae (CRE). Apparently the room hadn’t been cleaned in weeks.”
Local residents are furious. “The agency that we trusted to protect us is not protecting us. Even worse is that they are actually starting epidemics from their nasty break room,” said local resident Andrea McConnell. I’m just glad it’s not mersah, I hear that kills you on contact,” referring to the infamous MRSA.
An anonymous CDC employee told us, “Get real, there isn’t a clean break room on this planet. Ours just happens to contain the world’s deadliest bacteria that’s all.” When asked if he had any theories, he responded, “It probably started this April Fool’s when someone changed out the salt in the salt shaker for an antibiotic shaker. I don’t think we ever changed it back.”
At the time of press release, numerous cleaning vans and dumpsters were spotted outside the CDC in an effort to scrub down their tables, sinks, microwaves, and refrigerators. A hired cleaner, Michael Wilson, said that he couldn’t believe the conditions inside. “Have you see the show Hoarders? Well, this could have been an episode.”
“I just think those guys got too cocky there. I mean here they are thinking that they are the big bad CDC. Nothing can hurt us. Yeah, well it looks like they need to start cleaning their sinks just like everybody else,” said McConnell.
