Wednesday, April 24, 2024

News-in-Brief

Short Articles for Your Short Attention Span

All Caught Up with Game of Thrones, Local Man Finally Decides He Should Get...

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ROANOKE, VA - Upon finishing Game of Thrones Season 3 at 2 AM, local man Charles Cerioli decided it would be a good time to visit St. Joe’s Emergency Room.  "I was sitting there on my...

Recently Accepted Medical Student Bombarded by Medical Questions

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ST. LOUIS, MO – 22-year-old Jennifer Wilson found out 2 weeks ago that she was accepted into medical school.  “I was elated!” screamed Wilson.  “I had been running out to the mailbox every day...
anesthesia patient

PACU Institutes ‘No Repeat’ Policy

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CREST BUTTE, MT - The policy review committee at Nondenominational Faith Memorial Medical Center has instituted a “No Repeat” policy in their Post Anesthesia Care Unit (PACU).  The chairperson of the committee says that this...

Patient Literally Sweats His Balls Off

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JACKSONVILLE, FL - Patient Don Fernando arrived to Mercy Hospital's ER with a chief complaint of "I'm sweating my balls off!"  Don was passed over for hours with many assuming he was just pulling a practical joke.  The triage nurse...

Colon Loses It, Screams “OK, EVERYBODY OUT!”

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BELLY, HUMAN - Bowel uncharacteristically threw everyone out yesterday after a Mexican named Burrito arrived, according to Stomach.  "I've always thought Colon was an open-minded guy," said Stomach.  Stomach invited Burrito in and according...
diabetes

Paula Deen’s Diabetes Leaves Her Amid Recent Controversy

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SAVANNAH, GA – Food Network star Paula Deen’s diabetes made a stunning announcement yesterday: “I will be leaving Paula indefinitely.  I do not want to be associated with someone that uses racial slurs on...

Committee Investigates Surgeon Whose Shoes Are Always Untied

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BEND, OR - The credentials review committee at Our Lady of Hope Medical Center has started investigative proceedings against general surgeon Dr. David Wymer.  Wymer who has been affiliated with Our Lady of Hope for...

Hospital Bans Seeing-Eye Dog from OR, ADA Suit Follows

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FORT WAYNE, IL - Memorial Hospital has barred Dr. Alan Peterson from bringing his seeing-eye dog, Karmen, into the operating room (OR) where he has been employed as an anesthesiologist for the last 8.5 years. ...
medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire infectious enthusiasm

Medical Student Spotted at Undergraduate Library, Again

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BURLINGTON, VT – University of Vermont first-year medical student, Eugene Simmond, was seen again trolling the halls of the undergraduate library on Thursday afternoon.  This was the fifth spotting in just a week, and to...
anesthesiologist table height

Anesthesiologist Cancels Case After Hearing Patient is ‘Gassy’

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CHARLOTTE, NC - OR 4 at Mercy Hospital was moving “ahead of schedule” according to charge nurse Diane Cingler.  “Turns out we are getting out of here even sooner!”  The surgeon was disappointed he...