Friday, April 19, 2024

Anesthesiology

anesthesia

Anesthetists Go on Strike, Local Hospital Thrown into Turmoil

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BOSTON, MA - Chaos ensued in a local hospital early yesterday morning when the whole Anesthesiology department went on a "no-show strike." "We were prepping and draping the patient, ready to start the case, when...
tatoo

Study Finds Needle Anxiety Worsens with Tattoos

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BALTIMORE, MD - Johns Hopkins researchers published a shocking new study in this month's New England Journal of Medicine showing a correlation between the quantity, location, and type of tattoos on a patient's body...
Jerome Adams Surgeon General Surgeon Colonel

Anesthesiologist Sworn in as Surgeon General, Immediately Goes on Break

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Shortly after being sworn in as the nation’s 20th Surgeon General, anesthesiologist Jerome Adams announced that he was going on break.  The move took everybody by surprise as the Maryland native...
anesthesiologist billing trachea esophagus

Staff Anesthesiologist Baffled By Necessity To Personally Place An IV

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STANFORD, CA - Dr. Stav Señor, attending anesthesiologist at a large tertiary-care facility affiliated with a prolific medical school and residency program, was caught in a pinch when placed in truly unfamiliar territory. With his...
Sudoku

COVID-19: Self-Quarantined Anesthesiologist Running Dangerously Low on Sudoku Supplies

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - An area anesthesiologist who is currently 3 days into his 14-day self-imposed quarantine behind a drape fort is unusually anxious and on edge as he is facing the stark...
CPR

CPR Guidelines Made Even Simpler

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Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation was replaced by only chest compression in 2008 after a slow de-emphasis on replacement breathing.  This made CPR simple and easy to remember, and the chest compressions were set to the cadence of...

New “Code 7/19” Intubation Protocol Keeps Day Nurse Around to Finish Sstorm He Started

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The time is 1859 and pagers throughout the ICU begin to chirp. It’s time: Tube O’clock. This simple and easy protocol was designed to ensure each patient is tubed NO SOONER than five minutes...
long line

Anesthesiologist Becomes Millionaire Charging Admission to the Head of the Bed

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HOLLYWOOD, CA – At Burbank SurgiCenter, Jack Lloyd, MD. MBA., had become frustrated over the past several years with all the “visitors” at the head of the bed to watch the operations. With medical...
wallet aorta

Cardiothoracic Surgeon Hoping He Didn’t Leave Wallet in Guy’s Aorta

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NEW YORK, NY - As cardiothoracic surgeon Timothy Carter sews his patient's sternum closed after successful repair of an ascending aortic aneurysm, he can't help but wonder if he might have left his wallet in...
Smug Anesthesiologist blames everybody

Anesthesia Goes on the Offensive & Blames Everybody Else

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SCHAUMBURG, IL - Throwing away the old blueprint of simply accepting the blame, Anesthesia has opened up a brand new playbook and is going all out on the offensive, blaming every else in medicine. "F**K...