Anesthesiology

surgeons

American College of Surgeons to Publish New “Because I Said So” or BISS-Based Medicine...

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WASHINGTON, DC - A press release today from the American College of Surgeons stated, “After years of putting up with the satanic nonsense known...
Surgery

Anesthesiologists Compare Arm Tans While Surgeon Repairs Penetrating Aortic Injury

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ATLANTA, GA – As local trauma surgeon Dr. Andre Mackersie desperately tried to gain control of a massively exsanguinating abdominal aortic gunshot wound, the...
dermabond surgical glue

Dermabond Repackages for a Sexier Product

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Dermabond, a skin glue widely used for surgical skin closure, has had a recent falloff in use as hospitals push cost-conscious practices.  In response,...
Sudoku

COVID-19: Self-Quarantined Anesthesiologist Running Dangerously Low on Sudoku Supplies

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - An area anesthesiologist who is currently 3 days into his 14-day self-imposed quarantine behind a drape fort is unusually anxious and...
colonoscopy

New ACS Recommendations for CRC Screening Forces Anesthesia to Bear the Burden of Providing...

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On May 30, 2018, the American Cancer Society announced that it will be updating its colorectal cancer screening guideline such that all adults age...

Mom Still Cleaning Up After Surgeon Son

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NAPLES, FL - A recent phenomenon in an operating room (OR) at Mary Mother Hospital has caught quite the buzz.  Dr. Roger Messi was...
Snorlax, Pokémon

Pokémon Go Update: Snorlax Found Down, Intubated

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ATLANTA, GA - Anesthesiologist and Pokémon Go addict Tobey Matthews was using augmented reality to explore life on the other side of the anesthesiology...

ASA Admits NPO Guidelines are Entirely Arbitrary

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San Diego, CA- In a move that shocked surgeons and anesthesiologists alike, the American Society of Anesthesia announced today that their NPO guidelines are...
penguins

New Sub-Zero ORs Trialed: Orthopedic Surgeon Still Asking for Temperature Turned Down

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CHICAGO, IL - In an effort to remove excess body heat that orthopedic surgeons generate, OR manufacturer Slyker has paired with refrigerator maker Frigid-Air...
anesthesia patient

Mayim Bialik causes The American Society of Anesthesiologists to Quit and Rebrand

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Mayim Bialik may be the straw that broke the camel’s back once and for all for Anesthesiologists throughout the world. On Friday night’s Jeopardy...