Normal Saline vs. Lactated Ringer’s: Results of a Phase 3 Randomized Quadruple-Blind Clinical Water...
BACKGROUND: The superiority of Lactated Ringer’s solution (LR) or normal saline (NS) in fluid resuscitation in a variety of medical and surgical scenarios remains...
Anesthesia Resident Falls Asleep During Case, Reprimanded For Missing Lunch Break
CHICAGO, IL - Chaos ensued at a Chicago hospital last week when an anesthesia resident was missing from the surgical lounge. Around 10 a.m.,...
Norovirus and a Patient’s Oxygen Saturation of 33% Too Much for Anesthesiologist to Handle
BOSTON, MA - Norovirus is running rampant throughout the country this January and anesthesiologist Tim Bellows became the next poor victim to become infected. ...
Anesthesiologist General Won’t Stop Asking President How Much Time He Has Left
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Trump is growing impatient with the new Anesthesiologist General continually asking him how much time is left in his presidency.
Surgeon/Anesthesiologist General...
Try to Blame Anesthesia Now, Buddy
In a stunning turn of events, all it took was one global respiratory pandemic to recognize that anesthesia might not be to blame.
“Man, before...
Jealous of Surgeons’ Da Vinci, Anesthesia Demands Robot of Their Own
KEARNEY, NE - Growing increasingly dissatisfied with the benefits of a automaton and robotics enjoyed by their colleagues on the other side of the...
New Beard Policy Being Adopted at Many Hospitals in OR Clothing Algorithm
Dear Hospital Employees,
The following beard policy is being put into effect for your entire hospital. This includes parking areas, food courts, and adjacent land. We...
Hospital Approves Giving Parents Medication Before Children’s Surgery
HOUSTON, TX - Last week, Children's General Hospital approved a new medication protocol to assist children undergoing surgical procedures. Anxiolytic medication, such as midazolam,...
Strike! Anesthesia Knocks Out 32 Teeth in Masterful Display of Ineptitude
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Anesthesiology resident Dr. Rex Fumblenuts performed the equivalent of a strike today by knocking out all 32 of his patient's teeth...
Medical Professions as NFL Teams
Anesthesia is the Cincinnati Bengals: no one knows anyone on the team; they rotate so often it’s not worth learning names anyway.
Orthopaedics are the...