CDC Offers to Make Thousands of Flawed Ventilators
ATLANTA, GA - To atone for the release of flawed testing kits for the detection of novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has offered to make tens of...
COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day
BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have been redeployed and will be able to swab...
COVID-19: Anesthesia Amazed They Haven’t Been Blamed for Any of This
SCHAUMBURG, IL - Pandemic coronavirus, COVID-19. Hundreds of thousands infected. Sports suspended. Nations on lockdown. Social distancing. Markets crashing. And it's only just begun. Yet...
Joint Commission Riding Out COVID-19 Outbreak With Heads in Sand
OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL – In the ongoing fight against the novel coronavirus, healthcare workers across the country have been resorting to all sorts of innovative methods in the pursuit of helping the most...
Intergalactic Health Council Recommends Galaxies Stay at Least 6 Million Light-Years Apart
THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA - The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth. No longer feeling safe at a distance...
Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap
UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak in a 15-minute power nap, believing he has...
Da Vinci Will Be Key in Defeating COVID-19, Says No One
CHICAGO, IL - "Da Vinci will be key in defeating COVID-19," says no one in response to the United States' current uphill battle against pandemic coronavirus, the scourge that has infected hundreds...
Easter Bunny Tests Positive for Coronavirus
BUNNY LANE - So much for getting the United States up and running by April 12: our beloved Easter Bunny has contracted coronavirus, Gomerblog is sad to report.
COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations
ATLANTA, GA - After receiving harsh criticism for its recommendation to resort to scarves and bandanas when facemasks are no longer available, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) no longer...
Breaking: Earth’s Inner Core Tests Positive for Coronavirus
LONDON, ENGLAND - Earth's inner core has tested positive for the novel coronavirus, Gomerblog reports.
This is grave news for those holding hope that coronavirus is seasonal considering temperatures...
