Sunday, June 16, 2024

Emergency Medicine

Patient Able to Get Dilaudid Just Before Leaving AMA

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JACKSONVILLE, FL – Michael Redmond - a patient so regular to St. Joseph Hospital’s ER that if he doesn’t show up for a couple days, the staff gets worried that he may be actually sick...
emergency room

Man in US Furious About Waiting 15 minutes in ER; Meanwhile Patient in South...

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DENVER, CO – 46-year-old Marcus Stillbee is furious after waiting for 15 minutes to be seen at the local Quicky Care Medical Center ER in Denver yesterday.  Mr. Stillbee injured his ankle during an intense...

Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio a Strong Intelligence Predictor

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BIRMINGHAM, AL – Hospital administrators have been searching for better ways to educate patients prior to being discharged.  Administrators may have found their answer in a new ratio developed by education specialist Dr. Henry...
hospital workers

Hospital Workers Can’t Think of Any Other Place They’d Rather Be on Thanksgiving Day

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EVERY HOSPITAL, USA - Hospital workers eagerly awoke this morning, ready and energized to take on another thrilling work day at their local hospitals.  The fact that today is Thanksgiving had no effect on most people's baseline excitement to get up and...
bacon flavored tube

Bacon-Laced Gastric Lavage Tubes a Big Hit for Patients

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LAS VEGAS, NV – Maker of orogastric, nasogastric, and gastric lavage tubes, Medical Stuff, unveiled a new product line last week that is predicted to be a big hit for patients, especially on New Year's...

ED Consults Pathology on Acute Abdomen Just to “Make Them Aware”

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SANTE FE, NM - Emergency Medicine attending physician, Dr. Edith Lin, believes in a proactive and multidisciplinary approach to patient management.  When a 46-year-old woman with sixteen hours of sharp right upper quadrant abdominal pain,...
dilaudid gastroparesis

Drug Seeker Fills Entire Emesis Bucket with Noise Before Receiving Dilaudid

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DAYTONA BEACH, FL - Deborah Samson, a 47-year-old non-diabetic drug seeker with a terrible but mysterious case of opioid-induced abdominal pain, was forced last week to languish for approximately 25 minutes before receiving the parenteral...

Pseudoseizure: Please Practice Before Coming to the ED

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MILWAUKEE, WI - Emergency department staff at Elm Grove Methodist Medical Center thoroughly enjoyed the complete nonsensical seizure performance by a local homemaker. Carol Whitaker, 43, of Wauwatosa presented to the Emergency Department yesterday with what she...
patient restraints

Study: Physical & Chemical Restraints Can Effectively Supplement Lack of Self Restraint

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CHICAGO, IL - A five patient case series out of Northwestern University recently evaluated the utility of using physical and/or chemical restraints to supplement patients that have self-restraint deficits.  Utilizing the Saratoga Self-Restraint Scale,...
cookie cutter medicine

Canadian Medical Association Creates Clinical Decision Rules on When to Use Clinical Decision Rules

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ALBERTA, CANADA - After the Annual General Meeting of the Canadian Medical Association this summer, a majority motion is pushing a new initiative to produce a new set of Clinical Decision Rules to govern...