Emergency Medicine

hospital casino

Las Vegas Hospital Expands into Luxury Resort and Casino

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LAS VEGAS, NV - In a bold new plan to increase hospital revenue streams, hospital administrators at Las Vegas Medical Center have teamed up with...
wolfgang turkey

Hospital Hires Wolfgang Puck to Design Turkey Sandwiches for ED Lunch Trays

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DALLAS, TX – DOA Hospital group in Frisco, Texas unveiled a new initiative in partnership with Wolfgang Puck to provide "therapeutic gastronomy" for ED...
ativan diffuser

The Makers of the Ativan Diffuser Announce Ground Breaking New Product

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Capitalizing on their previous success throughout the healthcare world by the H-Vape 86, the makers of the Ativan Diffuser have begun selling their new...

Man ‘Accidentally Falls’ on Gerbil That Ran Through Lube

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MEMPHIS, TN – A local resident presented to the emergency room with an unusual complaint this evening.  Chief complaint: "My bottom really hurts." At first he was...

Lost Your Car in the Hospital Garage? Order a Consult

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If it has happened once, it has happened a million times: you forgot where you parked.  It is the end of the day and...
hospital workers

Hospital Workers Can’t Think of Any Other Place They’d Rather Be on Thanksgiving Day

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EVERY HOSPITAL, USA - Hospital workers eagerly awoke this morning, ready and energized to take on another thrilling work day at their local hospitals.  The fact...
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Patient Admitted with Life-Threatening Butthurt Exacerbation

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CHICAGO, IL - "Move people, this guy's crashing!" EMTs yelled, asking everyone to get out of their way as they aggressively carried 33-year-old Alexander...
paramedics in er

ER Techs Now to Carry Fanny Packs with More Stuff

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It's no secrets that in the ER if a nurse or doctor requires a piece of equipment that the tech is the one who...

Tim Howard Hired by Hospitalist Group, Blocks 16 Admissions

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NORTH BRUNSWICK TOWNSHIP, NJ - Following an epic goalkeeping performance during a 2-1 defeat to Belgium, United States goalkeeper Tim Howard was soon hired by...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...