Emergency Room Switch to Single-Ply Toilet Paper Reduces Unnecessary Gastro Admissions by 60%
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - A major tertiary emergency department in Melbourne recently conducted a trial of single-ply toilet paper across all bathrooms and found a...
Breaking: Mr. Peanut Allergic to Himself
PITTSBURGH, PA - Unfortunate news today as the Kraft Heinz Company announced that one of its most beloved mascots, Planters' Mr. Peanut, has been...
Code Team Performs Ill-Timed Mannequin Challenge During CPR
JACKSONVILLE, FL - A code team at Jacksonville Medical Center (JMC) is under investigation after an ill-timed Mannequin Challenge during a cardiac arrest went...
Breaking: Patient is a Rich Historian, Perhaps the Best Historian Ever
PORTLAND, OR - In what is certainly a breath of fresh air, an ER physician was pleasantly surprised to discover that her patient wasn't...
Commentary: Percocet Doesn’t Work for Me Because It Has Tylenol, and Tylenol Doesn’t Help...
Thanks but no thanks. Percocet (oxycodone/acetaminophen) doesn’t work for me. Why? Isn’t it obvious? You’re the one with the medical degree and you don’t...
Coerced by Lasso of Truth, Wonder Woman Gets Patient to Admit Pain Only 2...
THEMYSCIRA - Wonder Woman overheard a strange patient describing his pain as "20 out of 10." Seeking justice and finally safe from an ER...
Natural Dilaudid Spring Discovered in Alps; Drug Seekers Scramble for Climbing Gear, Airline Tickets
GRINDELWALD, SWITZERLAND - A quaint Swiss town is experiencing the first wave of what is sure to be an epic boom in tourism this...
Black Cloud Begs On-Call Meteorologist for Help
NEW HAVEN, CT - Finding herself underdressed & underprepared for this torrential downpour of admissions and cross-cover calls, third-year medicine resident and self-diagnosed black...
Bacon-Laced Gastric Lavage Tubes a Big Hit for Patients
LAS VEGAS, NV – Maker of orogastric, nasogastric, and gastric lavage tubes, Medical Stuff, unveiled a new product line last week that is predicted to...
ER Nurses Holding Unplaced Inpatients Cheer Whenever ‘Code Blue’ Called Overhead
ZIP CITY, AL - After a record breaking week of admissions via the ER and an increase in scheduled outpatient procedures, St. Bertram Hospital in...