Emergency Medicine

sick patient

Emergency Medicine Attending Fails to Admit Old Man, Resigns

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BLOOMINGTON, IN - Emergency medicine attending, Dr. Howard Rugers, announced his retirement yesterday after failing to find reason for admission for 95-year-old Herschel Levenstein,...

Local ER Hires United Airlines Security to ‘Re-Accommodate’ Drug Seekers

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HANOVER, NJ – The Holy Cross Hospital announced today that they have hired off-duty United Airlines security guards to help "re-accommodate" drug seekers from...

Dr. Nim Sure That ‘All Patients Are Just Faking It’

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Dr. Suda Nim, known for his lack of insight and compassion, states that most patient's pain is "just in their head." Known for years by co-workers...
Crayola, codes

Crayola Releases New Colors of Emergency Codes

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EASTON, PA - In an effort to overhaul and better standardize emergency codes and make “Everything Imaginable” for health care providers, Crayola has announced...

Genuine ‘Slipped and Fell’ Rectal Foreign Body Victim Stuns Experts

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RICHMOND, VA - In what is thought to be a world's first, witnesses have confirmed that a young Virginian man genuinely slipped and fell...
Ctrl+Alt+Del

Computer Resuscitated After 6 Rounds of Ctrl+Alt+Del

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NASHVILLE, TN - Gomerblog is happy to report that a code team at Nashville Medical Center (NMC) has successfully resuscitated an old nurses station computer...

Dr. Clinton Gets Away with Wearing Pantsuit in OR

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - A shocking story coming from Bethesda Medical Center, where Hillary Clinton has been wearing a pantsuit in the operating room.  She refuses...
ridiculously restrictive transfusion

Surprise! Ridiculously Restrictive Transfusion Threshold of Zero Associated with Death

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BOSTON, MA - In a truly eye-opening study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, the results of which no one could have...

Cardiologist Validates ‘Time to Burrito Consumption’ as Reasonable Cardiac Risk Stratification Tool

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MOBILE, AL - Local cardiologist Dr. Mona Bee has just published a brand new risk stratification tool for coronary artery disease and her patients...
etoh levels

Unit Secretary Wins Nightly ETOH Pool

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HOLLYWOOD, CA – Emergency room secretary Lois Mare won the nightly ETOH pool at Topanga Memorial Hospital last night. Her winning guess of 433...