Emergency Medicine

Overdose Victim Mutters ‘Don’t Give Me Narcan’ as Medics Arrive on the Scene

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SEATTLE, WA - Emergency medical services (EMS) told reporters yesterday that they received another call to Ned Smith’s residence, a local ER frequent flyer, after neighbors...
annoyed doctor stage 4 decubitus ulcer

20 Out of 10 Medical Providers Annoyed by Patients’ Misuse of Pain Scales

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ATLANTA, GA - According to a new study by the Centers for Pain Control & Other Nonsense (CPCON), a whopping 20 out of 10...

Patient Successfully Makes Appointment for the ED

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LONG BEACH, CA – Nancy J. is well known to the local Emergency Department at St. Joseph, a community hospital in LA County.  The...
73 miles per hour

Beverly Hills Hospital Unveils New ‘Vapid Response Team’

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BEVERLY HILLS, CA - It’s no secret that Americans spend far too much on end-of-life care. Moreover, medical interventions on the terminally ill can...
diabetes

Major Hospitals Caught in Diabetes Scandal

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SUGARVILLE, TX - The Hershey Memorial Hospital (HMH) has been cited in a nationwide investigation by the CDC. The investigation is a result of patient complaints...
doctors lent

What Are Health Care Professionals Giving Up for Lent (By Specialty)?

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General Surgeon: Evidence-based medicine.  “Oh, your tummy hurts?  Well, let’s open you up and take a look, shall we?” Emergency Medicine: Dilaudid.  The screams will...
styrofoam stetoscope

Styrofoam Cup Outperforms Crappy Disposable Stethoscope

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ABSTRACT Given the increased proliferation of multidrug resistant (MDR) microorganisms, it is considered standard of care to use patient-dedicated, disposable, or “crappy” stethoscopes to prevent...
pinecones

Wilderness Medicine Residency Approved by ACGME, Offers to Pay Trainees in Pine Cones

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BURLINGTON, VT - Enter the profession of wilderness medicine – every closeted survivalist’s dream come true and a quaint throwback to an era where it was...

ER Doctor Lost in Space-Time Continuum After Switching From Day Shifts to Nights Then...

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SAN DIEGO, CA - In an unfortunate event last month Dr. Emmert Gencey, a new 29-year-old ER doc, became lost in the space-time continuum for...

Patient’s Reflexes Documented in Medical Record, Perplexed Medical Student Didn’t See Examination

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DENVER, CO – Third-year medical student, Samantha Mullerton, is rotating through the Memorial Hospital emergency room as part of her clinical rotations.  She recently called...