Local ER Hires United Airlines Security to ‘Re-Accommodate’ Drug Seekers
HANOVER, NJ – The Holy Cross Hospital announced today that they have hired off-duty United Airlines security guards to help "re-accommodate" drug seekers from...
Mob Boss Agrees to Shoot Man in Kneecaps Before Weekend
CHICAGO, IL - "I swore off horse races for 10 years, but I relapsed," Sam Hemsworth told us from his wheelchair. "Before I knew...
Health Care Providers Hail the Launch of the New “Patient Complaint Line”
Following in the pattern of patient satisfaction scores, Dreamland General Hospital has initiated a new "Patient Complaint Line." When a patient has acted in...
Uber Boston Announces New Service in Partnership with Ambulance Drivers
BOSTON, MA – Ride-share company, Uber recently announced a new service in Boston called UberEMS. The new pilot program will only be available to...
Patient Surprised to Learn Zombie Doctor Not in Costume
HOLTON, KS - An area woman, recently treated in a rural Kansas emergency room on Halloween was surprised to learn that her zombie doctor...
Canadian Medical Association Creates Clinical Decision Rules on When to Use Clinical Decision Rules
ALBERTA, CANADA - After the Annual General Meeting of the Canadian Medical Association this summer, a majority motion is pushing a new initiative to...
Emergency Department Staff Shocked by Prior Authorization Request
CHADRON, NE - Emergency room physician assistant Chester Preshuns was shocked last Thursday afternoon during transport of his STEMI patient to a cardiac/cath lab...
Breaking: Facebook Placed on Pressors to Fix Plummeting Stocks
MENLO PARK, CA - With its stock value plummeting precipitously in the past 48 hours, Facebook has been started on pressors with lactated ringers...
ER Doctor Lost in Space-Time Continuum After Switching From Day Shifts to Nights Then...
SAN DIEGO, CA - In an unfortunate event last month Dr. Emmert Gencey, a new 29-year-old ER doc, became lost in the space-time continuum for...
The Joint Commission Announces First Annual ‘Patient Safety Purge’
In a move sparked by the popularity of the horror movie franchise, The Purge, the Joint Commission for the Accreditation of Hospital Organizations (JCAHO)...