Patient Literally Sweats His Balls Off
JACKSONVILLE, FL - Patient Don Fernando arrived to Mercy Hospital's ER with a chief complaint of "I'm sweating my balls off!" Don was passed over for hours...
Beverly Hills Hospital Unveils New ‘Vapid Response Team’
BEVERLY HILLS, CA - It’s no secret that Americans spend far too much on end-of-life care. Moreover, medical interventions on the terminally ill can...
Medical Student in Library Mistaken for Homeless Man
WORCESTER, MA – Local medical student Jeremy Wynn was escorted out of his medical school library this Saturday by police with the official police reports...
Haldol Blowdart Halted in Phase 3 Clinical Trial Due to ‘Safety Concerns’
MORRISTOWN, NJ - Recognizing the mounting need for new and creative ways to quickly administer haloperidol (a typical antipsychotic drug) to that “difficult” patient, Big...
Forgot-to-Pee Syndrome Afflicting Millions of Health Care Workers
WASHINGTON, DC - The Journal of the American National Society, Committee, and Association of Urinary Retention and Other Things Too (JANSCAUROTT) estimates that nearly...
Brothel Workers Consulted in Patient Satisfaction Project
RENO, NV - In what is being called a "fresh" and "unorthodox" effort to boost patient satisfaction survey scores, Heart of The Valley Hospital...
Study Shows Direct Relationship Between Teddy Bear Size and Dilaudid Dose
ATLANTA, GA - A cute, little, fuzzy study published today in the New England Journal of Stuffed Animals (NEJSA) has revealed something that healthcare...
Level VIII Trauma Center Can Only Take Care of Paper Cuts Really
SANDERSVILLE, GA - Sandersville Medical Center, a recently-opened Level VIII Trauma Center located two hours southwest of Atlanta, barely has any resources whatsoever and...
ICU Team Happy to Have ER Resident Rotating in ICU
HOUSTON, TX - The ICU team at Sarcasm General expressed unlimited joy when they learned that the hotshot ER residents would start rotating with...
Narc Madness
It's that time of year, time to pick your favorite narcotic and see if it will make it to the final 4! This year...