Mood Rings Reflect Real Time Patient Satisfaction
COLUMBIA, SC - Due to lagging patient satisfaction scores and frequent complaints, County Hospital administrators are fitting every patient with a mood ring so staff...
Study Shows Direct Relationship Between Teddy Bear Size and Dilaudid Dose
ATLANTA, GA - A cute, little, fuzzy study published today in the New England Journal of Stuffed Animals (NEJSA) has revealed something that healthcare...
Work Note Center Opens in Times Square, Deadbeats Rejoice
NEW YORK, NY – What’s all the commotion in Times Square? Not another Naked Cowboy, it’s the new Walk-In Work Note Center. Based on...
Local EKG Tech Reassigned Due to Voluptuous Breasts
MIAMI, FL – EKG tech Candi Jacobs has been working at Mercy Hospital for two years. She was recently reassigned; hospital administration stated the...
Patient Surprised to Learn Zombie Doctor Not in Costume
HOLTON, KS - An area woman, recently treated in a rural Kansas emergency room on Halloween was surprised to learn that her zombie doctor...
North Korea Hacks ER Pyxis Machines Nationwide, Renders Them Unable to Dispense Dilaudid
WASHINGTON, DC - The White House has announced that North Korea has successfully hacked yet another electronic staple of American life – the drug-dispensing Pyxis...
Study: Narcotic Script Has a 95% Chance of Running Out on a Weekend
DURHAM, NC – Researchers at Duke University have discovered that a typical 30-day supply of Vicodin or Percocet has a 95.3% chance of running...
Study: Dilaudid Administration Directly Correlates with High Patient Satisfaction; Narcan Not So Much
BOSTON, MA - As many doctors and nurses have discovered the hard way, a recent study published in the New England Journal of Medicine...
Patient Survives & Beats Level I Trauma Center, Moves On to Level II
ATLANTA, GA - It has been a challenging year for 27-year-old Michael Snead, who broke his right femur in a motorcycle accident 6 months...
Katy Perry Admits Her Song ‘Firework’ is Really About Fireworks Safety
LOS ANGELES, CA - Thinking of no better time than the Fourth of July to come out with the news, pop sensation Katy Perry...