Goop from ER Break Room Becomes Sentient, Asks for Dilaudid
DALLAS, TX - In an amazing breakthrough for science, a new life form has spontaneously willed itself into existence in the break room of a...
Local ER Offering Pain Meds Freebased, or Heated on a Spoon and Injected
NORFOLK, VA – Local ER is now offering patients the option of their pain medication freebased or heated on a spoon and injected. “We...
Video Game Review: Doc(ument) Hunt
Pros / Doc(ument) Hunt is a fun follow-up to Nintendo's Duck Hunt that allows medical providers to channel their rage against paperwork by shooting up flying...
Veterinary ER Incapacitated by Doggie Psych Holds
DURHAM, NC - A local veterinary ER is currently open but essentially non-functional, as 8 of its 10 treatment rooms are occupied by suicidal...
SHITSTORM Red Flag Phrases During Patient Turnover
DJIBOUTI, DJIBOUTI - The 5th annual Seminar of Hospital Internists Technologists Surgeons Traumatologists Others RNs and More (SHITSTORM) convention resulted in the drafting of...
Man vs. Koala: A List of Lesser Known ER Complaints
Usually “versus” suggests a terrible trauma coming through the ER, such as Man vs. Car, something that we never want to see. But then...
True Allergy Detector, Maling-o-Vision, Now Available for Google Glass
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA - In response to an unprecedented epidemic of claimed non-narcotic pain medication allergies among patients with chronic pain conditions, Google has...
Patient Placed on 4,000 Liters by Nasal Cannula
SPOKANE, WA - Sometimes you have to think outside the box. That's exactly what a rapid response team did this morning: In a...
IBM’s Watson Suffers Existential Crisis After Shift in ED
CAMDEN, NJ – IBM is reporting that famed super computer Watson suffered one of its biggest setbacks to date. “After our success in diagnosing...
Patient Admitted with Life-Threatening Butthurt Exacerbation
CHICAGO, IL - "Move people, this guy's crashing!" EMTs yelled, asking everyone to get out of their way as they aggressively carried 33-year-old Alexander...