Emergency Medicine

ed triage

Texting on Cell Phone During ED Triage Correlated with Improved Patient Outcomes

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CLEVELAND, OH - A recent multi-center observational trial involving several EDs in Cleveland have demonstrated that texting on one’s cell phone during an initial ED...

Residents No Longer Matched According to Last Name/Specialty Pun

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The National Residency Match Program (NRMP) is planning a small update in their mystical computer algorithms which will erase one of US healthcare's greatest...
patient survey

Nurses, Doctors Fight Back with New Health Care Practitioner Satisfaction Surveys

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NEW YORK, NY - Sick and tired of the unfair nature of patient satisfaction surveys that puts service above disease management, a multidisciplinary team...
Facebook, OD

Patient Admitted with Facebook Overdose

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INDIANAPOLIS, IN - Alice Wilkinson was admitted last night after she was found down by her roommate, convulsing next to her smartphone.  Her roommate,...
grandma reindeer

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, Remains in Critical Condition

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OUTSIDE IN THE SNOW SOMEWHERE - GomerBlog is sad to report that Grandma was “found down” 3 days before Christmas during potential Santa Claus test...
woman gives up facebook

Breaking: Facebook Placed on Pressors to Fix Plummeting Stocks

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MENLO PARK, CA - With its stock value plummeting precipitously in the past 48 hours, Facebook has been started on pressors with lactated ringers...
dyspnea

FDA Approves FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX for Undifferentiated Dyspnea

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - To the delight of emergency physicians across the country, the Food and Drug Administration has approved the use of a new drug...
emergency department

Patient in ED Knows Nothing About Medical History, Surgeries, or Medications

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SAN JOSE, CA - When Dr. Anderson, a seasoned emergency room attending, went into room 14 late last night, he experienced a first in...

Bow Tie-Wearing ER Intern Immediately Ostracized by Peers

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GREENVILLE, SC - An ER intern, Calvin McSpiffy, who showed up to work in a bow tie, has been immediately ostracized by his peers...

Hotelier Recommendations for Emergency Department “Improvement”

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Due to increasing pressure on administrative staff to correct for their hospital’s Press Gainey deficit, administrator Eagerpants McGee of New York City Hospital unveiled...