Breaking: Admitting Service Forgets to Ask ED Physician, “What Do You Expect Me to...
JACKSON, MI – In a stunning display of forgetfulness, the admitting hospitalist at Mercy Hospital has forgotten to snarkily reply to an admission request...
Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine
KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in. Millions of...
Clutch: Resident Places A-Line Into Circle of Willis
ATLANTA, GA - In the same way patients can be progressively difficult sticks from the venous standpoint, the same holds true for their arteries....
ICU Admits Patient to ED
BUFFALO, NY - In a stunning turn of events last night at Sacrebleu Memorial Hospital, Pulmonary & Critical Care fellow Damien Dunlope earned headlines...
Patients Love New Turkey Sandwich with Dilaudid & Benadryl: The Turlaudidryl Special
NEW ORLEANS, LA - In a brilliant new campaign to improve patient satisfaction scores at the expense of appropriate medical care, hospital administrators and...
Universal Admission Template for a Drug Seeker
Chief Complaint:
Abdominal pain or pain due to condition that doesn’t cause pain.
History of Present Illness:
This is a really, really annoying patient with a given...
Newly’Appointed ‘Ebola Czar’ Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can Be Transmitted by Semen
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire U.S....
Local Man Loses Arm in Lawnmower Accident, ‘Why Can’t My Arm Be Made of...
WITCHITA, KS – Kevin O’Neil had an unfortunate accident yesterday where he lost his right arm. “I was reaching into the mower to clear...
Heavy Metal Now First Line in Treatment of Symptomatic Bradycardia
DALLAS, TX - New advanced cardiac life support (ACLS) guidelines from the American Heart Association (AHA) now recommends heavy metal as the first line...
Area Hospital to Implement New Health Record Using Post-it Notes
AREA, GA - Despite a flurry of activity in healthcare systems across America to implement efficient electronic health records (EHRs) or even more efficient...