Nurse O.J. Simpson Can’t Ever Get a Glove to Fit
BRENTWOOD, CA - Geez, O.J. Simpson just can't get a break! He has been asked over and over again to go into a patient's...
NIH Plans to Study Why Narcotics, Benzos Fall Into Sinks, Toilets Excessively
BETHESDA, MD - Last week, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) stated that it has $2 million in grant money set aside for a study...
Breaking: Code Team Pushes tPA to Lyse Clogged Toilet
DURHAM, NC - Acknowledging they were within the 4.5-hour window since symptom onset and had no other clear alternatives, a Code Team at Duke University...
Maroon 5 Admitted to Hospital with 5 Maroon Stools
LOS ANGELES, CA - Maroon 5 is hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center after collectively experiencing 5 maroon-colored stools, including lead singer and NBC’s The...
Local EKG Tech Reassigned Due to Voluptuous Breasts
MIAMI, FL – EKG tech Candi Jacobs has been working at Mercy Hospital for two years. She was recently reassigned; hospital administration stated the...
Retiring Soccer Star to Open Malingering Clinic for ED Drug Seekers
MUNICH, GERMANY - In a surprise announcement sure to shock both the soccer and medical world, German star midfielder, Michael Schmerzen, announced today his...
Bed-Bound, Demented 89-Year-Old Successfully Resuscitated, Discharged to Wallow in Own Excrement at Nursing Home
GREENSBORO, NC - A team of physicians, nurses, and support staff is being lauded for its efforts in saving the life of Jasper Billings,...
Antibiotic Cures Common Cold Virus
PHOENIX, AZ - Doctors in Arizona have discovered a revolutionary cure to the common cold. On October 1, John Sniffles entered the emergency department at...
Woman with a Cold Thoroughly Fills Out ED Comment Card
ST. LOUIS, MO - Mandy Tremboll, a suburbanite fighter for justice with absolutely no situational awareness, had the audacity to fill out a comment card...
Physician Foreplay 101: How to Seduce Your Doctor
Seduce any doctor by using valuable information about his or her specialty to ensure total success in the bedroom.
Emergency Medicine
Go skydiving to get the...