100,000,000 Miles Later: Santa Diagnosed with Acute Pulmonary Embolism
NORTH POLE - Santa pulled off another successful Christmas for children around the world but it has come with a cost: Earlier this morning,...
New Narcan Reversal Agent, NarCANT, Hits the Market
CHICAGO, IL - After years of having their days ruined by jackwad paramedics and God-complexed ER nurses, opioid addicts everywhere rejoiced today at the...
New Cheetos Finger Decision Rule for Abdominal Pain
ANDERSON, CA - In a bold move, the Emergency Physicians at St Vincent Hospital in Anderson California have introduced the “Cheetos Fingers” sign into...
ACEP Renames Black Friday ‘Black & Blue Friday’
IRVING, TX - Recognizing Black Friday not as the first day of the holiday shopping season but as a day to "kill each other...
Triage Nurse Rolls Dice to Determine Patient Priority Level
Mercy Regional Hospital ER's newest RN Heidi Evans has been having a rough start to her career at the triage desk, where her job...
Study Shows More Studies Would Be Needed to Study Future Results
BETHESDA, MD – A recent article published in the New England Journal of Medicine discovered that more studies would be needed to study future results....
Cell Phones Newest Weapon in Fight Against Pain
BOSTON, MA - Cell phones are now on the list of items previously thought to have no therapeutic benefit, which are now being researched...
ED Study Reveals Spectacular Patient Selfishness
According to a riveting new study delving into the mindset of emergency department patients, as many as 97% of patrons are almost completely unaware...
Emergency Code Carts Now Contain Turkey Sandwiches and Ginger Ale
SAN DIEGO, CA - According to hospital administrators, Code Blue carts are now being outfitted to meet a new and growing medical emergency. Effective Jan....
Hospital Publishes 6 Patient Guidelines: ‘Please Try Not to Confuse Us with a Hotel’
Here at Outside Hospital (OSH), we are 100% committed to your satisfaction as a patient. To this end, we have created this pamphlet, which...