Emergency Medicine

hospital emergency room boarding

ER Doc Sent to Penalty Box, Gets 5 Minutes for Boarding

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - Just when things in the emergency room (ER) couldn't get any worse with influenza A in full swing, all 435 beds...

Hospitals Now Joining Black Friday Frenzy

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NEW YORK, NY - Black Friday is hitting America very soon.  Stores are now opening their doors almost immediately after millions of Americans finish off eating...
patient

Nevada Nursing Facility Pioneering Breast-To-Mouth (B2M) Resuscitation

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LAS VEGAS, NV - In the wake of bundled Medicare payments, a Nevada geriatric nursing facility run by neonatologist-turned-geriatrician, Dr. Hugh Mounds, has begun...
times square work note

Work Note Center Opens in Times Square, Deadbeats Rejoice

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NEW YORK, NY – What’s all the commotion in Times Square?  Not another Naked Cowboy, it’s the new Walk-In Work Note Center.  Based on...
bowl of pills

Glass Candy Bowl Filled with Assortment of Antibiotics, Steroids, and Narcotics Available at ER...

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HANOVER, NJ - Many might remember the ER that became famous in 2014 for placing a free bowl full of percocets in their waiting...

Medical Specialties as Harry Potter Characters

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Dolores Umbridge, Corenelius Fudge, Percy Weasley- Administration- you operate on a sliding scale of likability and we aren’t sure if you’re evil, rigid, or...
hospital door cms

New CMS Guideline: Door-to-Dilaudid Time

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WOODLAWN, MD - Today the Center for Medical Surveys (CMS) announced a radical change to benchmarking and patient satisfaction surveys.  Realizing the opportunity to...

Med Student Avoids Pelvic Exam for Record 1,429th Straight Day

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KANSAS CITY, MO - Fourth-year medical student Rick Hansen ain't no dummy.  He even says it himself: "I ain't no dummy."  Like most medical...
Turlaudidryl, BDT

Patients Love New Turkey Sandwich with Dilaudid & Benadryl: The Turlaudidryl Special

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - In a brilliant new campaign to improve patient satisfaction scores at the expense of appropriate medical care, hospital administrators and...

Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’

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NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest...