Emergency Medicine

rich historian

Breaking: Patient is a Rich Historian, Perhaps the Best Historian Ever

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PORTLAND, OR - In what is certainly a breath of fresh air, an ER physician was pleasantly surprised to discover that her patient wasn't...
dyspnea

FDA Approves FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX for Undifferentiated Dyspnea

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - To the delight of emergency physicians across the country, the Food and Drug Administration has approved the use of a new drug...
social media

Hospital Reimbursement to Reflect Number of Positive Posts on Social Media

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Mr. Smith had just been discharged from his local hospital after a 6-day stay for detox, anxiety, failure to thrive, and chronic pain.  He...

ER Nurses Delighted Not to Have Breaks, According to Managers

5
SAN JOSE, CA - Chronically overworked ER nurses have complained for months about being overworked.  Finally, after months of meetings and discussions new policies...
patient satisfaction

Brothel Workers Consulted in Patient Satisfaction Project

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RENO, NV - In what is being called a "fresh" and "unorthodox" effort to boost patient satisfaction survey scores, Heart of The Valley Hospital...

The Most Interesting Patient in the World

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Humana pays him a co-insurance to go to the ER. His in-network coverage follows him wherever he goes. He drives the ambulance to his own emergencies. He...
hospital staff meeting

Mandatory Hospital Staff Meeting to Improve Morale Fails to Improve Morale

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COLUMBIA, SC - ED Staff at Our Lady of Gluten Intolerance Hospital (OLGIH) finished yet another required but uncompensated hospital staff meeting last week...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: The Adjective of Pus is ‘Purulent,’ Not ‘P**sy’

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ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued an important reminder to healthcare providers today, reminding them once and...

Hospital Unveils Pain Scale That Goes to Eleven

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VANCOUVER, BC - In the movie This is Spinal Tap, guitarist Nigel Tufnel proudly shows off an amplifier that turns up to eleven instead...
doctor

Universal Admission Template for a Drug Seeker

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Chief Complaint: Abdominal pain or pain due to condition that doesn’t cause pain. History of Present Illness: This is a really, really annoying patient with a given...