Hotelier Recommendations for Emergency Department “Improvement”
Due to increasing pressure on administrative staff to correct for their hospital’s Press Gainey deficit, administrator Eagerpants McGee of New York City Hospital unveiled...
Updated 2015 ACLS Algorithm
ACLS KEY BELOW:
* Medical Team Confused as Patient Made DNR Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays
** Joint Commission Mandates Extensive Timeout Prior to Initiating CPR
*** Product Review:...
Amidst Obesity Epidemic, Task Force Creates Glasgow Food Coma Scale
ATLANTA, GA - In response to the public health crisis of food comas resulting from the ongoing obesity epidemic, the 3N Joint Task Force,...
After-Christmas Special: Buy a Hoverboard, Get a Free Visit to the ED
Emergency departments all across the globe are swamped in what can only be deemed as the best deal in holiday history. Thousands of men,...
Local Drug Seeker Discovers That 8/10 Pain Gets The Same Amount of Pain Meds...
Long-time drug seeker, Kyle Smith, recently discovered that stating his pain is 8/10 instead of the typical 12/10 gets him the same amount of...
Goop from ER Break Room Becomes Sentient, Asks for Dilaudid
DALLAS, TX - In an amazing breakthrough for science, a new life form has spontaneously willed itself into existence in the break room of a...
15 Ways to Confuse, Demoralize, and Frustrate Your Emergency Physician
When you are a patient in a busy ED, getting your doctor’s best effort in caring for you can be difficult. Most ED physicians...
ICU Admits Patient to ED
BUFFALO, NY - In a stunning turn of events last night at Sacrebleu Memorial Hospital, Pulmonary & Critical Care fellow Damien Dunlope earned headlines...
Tragedy as Strong Gust of Wind Kills Hundreds of Umbrellas
CHICAGO, IL - Tragedy struck the Illinois metropolis today as a light drizzle suddenly gave way to a surprisingly strong fifteen-second gust of wind off...
CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys
ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case. A patient with no known Ebola exposures in...