Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Emergency Medicine

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NIH Plans to Study Why Narcotics, Benzos Fall Into Sinks, Toilets Excessively

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BETHESDA, MD - Last week, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) stated that it has $2 million in grant money set aside for a study examining the relationship between prescription narcotics and benzodiazepines and indoor...

Genuine ‘Slipped and Fell’ Rectal Foreign Body Victim Stuns Experts

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RICHMOND, VA - In what is thought to be a world's first, witnesses have confirmed that a young Virginian man genuinely slipped and fell in his garden this week, entrapping an eggplant in his...

Joint Commission Mandates Extensive Timeout Prior to Initiating CPR

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SAN ANTONIO, TX -  Citing the shocking incidence of "never event" wrong-sided CPR (commonly known as WroSC), the Joint Commission issued new guidelines today mandating a 42-step timeout prior to the initiation of CPR...
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CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys

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ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case.  A patient with no known Ebola exposures in Raleigh, NC fell ill with the virus last week and...

Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score

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JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the east coast after a recent FDA approval.  Typically when a...

Medical Specialties as Game of Thrones Characters

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As all medical specialties try to gain control of the hospital, we've narrowed down who their characters are: Cardiology, you poor tortured soul with a horrible life. Let's be honest, you got yourself into this.       ...

Medical Student in Library Mistaken for Homeless Man

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WORCESTER, MA – Local medical student Jeremy Wynn was escorted out of his medical school library this Saturday by police with the official police reports stating that he was "mistakenly thought to be a homeless man." Jeremy was...

All Caught Up with Game of Thrones, Local Man Finally Decides He Should Get...

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ROANOKE, VA - Upon finishing Game of Thrones Season 3 at 2 AM, local man Charles Cerioli decided it would be a good time to visit St. Joe’s Emergency Room.  "I was sitting there on my...
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Radiology Reading Center Switching to Snapchat

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VALHALLA, NY - The Valhalla Nighthawk Radiology Group recently announced its new partnership with Snapchat, the popular photo messaging application, to place itself ahead in the increasingly competitive teleradiology social market. "We believe this is going...