Monday, January 18, 2021

Full Articles

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PICU nurse

PICU Nurse Enjoys Changing Patient Parameters and Drips Right Before Interns Present Patients on...

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SEATTLE, WA - In an exclusive interview with Nursing magazine, Martha Stevens, a prominent pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) nurse at Children’s Hospital admitted that she loves to mess with new medical interns, especially ones she...

Medical Students Horrified to Learn That All Patients Die, Eventually

4
PHARMA, OH - A lone tear splashed to the floor, followed by a steady trickle as the residents tried to console the sobbing medical students.  "We saved his life," whimpered one snot-faced student.  "By the end...

New CPR Guidelines Recommend Switching Out Providers Every 5 Cycles to Update Facebook Status

1
ST. LOUIS, MO – The American Heart Association (AHA) conducted further research and has published the new 2014 recommendations for cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).  Basic Life Support (BLS) and Advanced Cardiac Life Support (ACLS) classes will...
upset surgeon

Surgeon Furious That X-Ray Tech Not Available 2.3 Seconds After Demanding X-Ray in OR

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HOUSTON, TX – Dr. Henry Witherspoon, a prominent general surgeon in the Houston area, began foaming at the mouth in anger, after an X-ray machine was not immediately available 2.3 seconds after he requested an X-ray...
dilaudid

Report: Nurse on 3rd Floor Excited to Give 0.1 mg of Dilaudid

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CHICAGO, IL – Local nurse Melissa Jacobson’s shift just got better when she noticed what was written for pain medication on her patient. “Oh, Boy!  0.1 mg, I can hardly wait.  Goodbye, pain,” chimed...
chest anatomy

Local Man with Chest Pain Takes Care of Stuff First

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CLEVELAND, OH – Don Hetfield came into St. Joe’s emergency room on Friday with chest pain, arm pain, and “I just can’t stop sweating.”  When the EKG tech obtained the print out, she rushed it...
Libido Pills

New Female Libido Pill to Hit Shelves

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ATLANTA, GA - A new female libido pill is expected to hit shelves this week called Pamper.  The pill is designed to put that flame back in the bedroom, but the way it works may...
fentanyl lollipops

Fentanyl Lollipops Abused, Authorities Perplexed

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WASHINGTON, DC - The Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) are absolutely baffled to hear about recent allegations of abuse with fentanyl lollipops.  Apparently the rising abuse has caught...
bacon flavored tube

Bacon-Laced Gastric Lavage Tubes a Big Hit for Patients

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LAS VEGAS, NV – Maker of orogastric, nasogastric, and gastric lavage tubes, Medical Stuff, unveiled a new product line last week that is predicted to be a big hit for patients, especially on New Year's...
ER

Goop from ER Break Room Becomes Sentient, Asks for Dilaudid

1
DALLAS, TX - In an amazing breakthrough for science, a new life form has spontaneously willed itself into existence in the break room of a local emergency room (ER).  Not only this, but despite its...