Mystery of Appendix Solved: A Private Space for Horny Bacteria to “Get It On”
INSIDE YOUR APPENDIX—Admit it, when you place your stethoscope (that is, if you even own one) on a patient’s abdomen, you don’t really keep it there long enough to hear bowel sounds, right? Well,...
Winnie Can’t Pooh, Needs Surgical Intervention
SUSSEX, ENGLAND - In breaking news, Winnie the Pooh can't pooh and is in fact obstructed, necessitating surgical intervention. "Oh, D-D-Dear!" cried Piglet. "I sure hope he pulls through!" EMS arrived (though it took...
Food Truck Entrepreneur Now Providing Endoscopies
OUTSIDE METROPOLITAN HEALTH SYSTEM - Let's face it, hospital cafeteria food is hideous, even when it's labeled correctly. That's why people in scrubs line up every day for the half a dozen food trucks park...
Barium Enema Reveals Abnormal Presence of Barium in the Colon
NEW YORK, NY - An inpatient medical team was shocked to learn that a barium enema performed earlier today revealed an abnormal presence of barium in their patient's rectum, something no one...
Hospital Cafeteria Debuts New Tasting Menu Format
NAPA, CA - A hospital cafeteria in Napa simply called The Cafeteria has debuted a new three-hour $300 tasting menu format to supplant the more traditional, quick, self-serve approach of grabbing food and placing...
Unprepared Patient Cramming for Tomorrow’s Rectal Exam
AUBURN, AL - Forever the procrastinator, nervous and unprepared patient Johnny Sanders has started cramming for tomorrow's rectal exam in the hopes he can pass.
"This happens to...
Chipotle States Burritos Made with Responsibly Raised E. Coli
SEATTLE, WA - After shutting down 43 locations in the states of Washington and Oregon due to dozens of people being hospitalized for infections by E. coli, Chipotle has gone on the offensive, stating that...
New Brutally-Honest Bowel Prep ‘GoVyolently’ To Replace GoLytely
DENVER, CO - Dr. Krista Gustadson has had to explain the actual effects of GoLytely the patients undergoing bowel prep before a colonoscopy ever since starting her general surgery residency.
It always bothered Dr. Gustadson...
Probiotics, Antibiotics Battling for Supremacy in Man’s Intestines
MAN'S SMALL BOWEL - For those who have been keeping score, it has been an absolute nail-biter as probiotics Lactobacillus & Bifidobacterium and antibiotics Levaquin & Flagyl battle for supremacy in this poor man's...
Medical Specialties as Disney Characters
Anesthesia - Rafiki from The Lion King. Most of the rest of us have no clue what the hell you are doing with all the beeps and knobs and when we look it never...
