CDC Warning: Dangerous “Dry Humping” Bug Found in Lower U.S.
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has identified a new insect vector that is rampantly spreading disease in the southern portions of the U.S. The "dry humping" bug, a close cousin...
Study Finds Majority of Americans Would Rather Die of E. coli Than Not Eat...
DENVER, CO – According to a study released last Saturday by University of Colorado sociologist Dr. Prestin Wheats, the majority of Americans are unfazed by the recent E. coli outbreak at Chipotle stores nationwide,...
Hollywood Good Guy Matt Damon Opens Up About EBV Positivity
NEW YORK, NY - Matt Damon shocked medically illiterate TV viewers on Friday morning’s Today Show when he confirmed that he is positive for the Epstein Barr virus. It is unclear when the actor,...
Surgeon General Admits: Condoms ‘Kinda Suck’
WASHINGTON, DC - During a press conference yesterday, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy admitted that, although very important, condoms do in fact “kinda suck.”
The announcement comes as a surprise admission of what has widely...
Chipotle States Burritos Made with Responsibly Raised E. Coli
SEATTLE, WA - After shutting down 43 locations in the states of Washington and Oregon due to dozens of people being hospitalized for infections by E. coli, Chipotle has gone on the offensive, stating that...
West Nile Virus Murdered By East Nile Virus In Latest Ugly Episode Of Viral...
LAS VEGAS -- The Las Vegas Police Department has confirmed the shocking news that the West Nile Virus (WNV) has been brutally shot to death by the East Nile Virus in yet another horrifying...
Recipe: GomerBlog’s Chicken Noodle Soup with Vancomycin & Zosyn
Ever wonder why chicken noodle soup is good for the soul? It’s because your soul is severely infected and needs to be treated with broad-spectrum antibiotics. Next time you’re not feeling well, use this...
Chief Resident Regrets Decision to Serve Noodles During Lunchtime PowerPoint on Roundworms
ATLANTA, GA - “I have never seen so many people vomit their brains out at once,” said disappointed chief resident Frank Napoli as he focused his hollow stare into the middle of his desk,...
Local Restaurant with Serious Health Violations, Owner Cites Pandering to Scrub-Wearing Customers as Cause
While there are some toolbags that still think it is cool to wear scrubs in public, one restaurant owner claims it may cause his restaurant to go out of business. Phil Moughnuts, owner of...
Tearful Reunion Between Fecal Transplant Donor & Recipient Captured in Video
BOCA RATON, FL - After years searching for the kind colon which gave her bowels a new lease on life, fecal transplant recipient Faye Cullsponge finally met Charity Brown, her fecal transplant donor, at...
