Friday, July 3, 2020

Internal Medicine

Libido Pills

New Female Libido Pill to Hit Shelves

ATLANTA, GA - A new female libido pill is expected to hit shelves this week called Pamper.  The pill is designed to put that flame back in the bedroom, but the way it works may...
fentanyl lollipops

Fentanyl Lollipops Abused, Authorities Perplexed

WASHINGTON, DC - The Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) are absolutely baffled to hear about recent allegations of abuse with fentanyl lollipops.  Apparently the rising abuse has caught...

Goop from ER Break Room Becomes Sentient, Asks for Dilaudid

DALLAS, TX - In an amazing breakthrough for science, a new life form has spontaneously willed itself into existence in the break room of a local emergency room (ER).  Not only this, but despite its...

Twas the Night Before Christmas in the ED

Twas the night before Christmas, the ED was quiet, Not a creature was stirring, there wasn’t even a riot. The patients slept soundly, so snug in their cots, With some having dreams of free...

Secret Location of Nurse Float Pool Discovered, Drained

BREAKING NEWS - For years large hospitals have used nurse float pools - a team of nurses able to work in multiple specialties and units during shortages or call-offs.  Archeological evidence near the grave of...

Inventor of Slogan ‘Pain is the 5th Vital Sign’ Now Concedes Pain is Actually...

NEW YORK, NY - Last night, in an emotional interview with Dateline NBC, Lisa Washington, who famously coined the term "Pain is the 5th Vital Sign," conceded that pain is actually not a vital sign. A...
Joint Commission scissors

Joint Commission Requires More Name Tag Bracelets for Sicker Patients

PHOENIX, AZ - In an effort to improve patient safety, the Joint Commission (JC) has recommended that sicker ICU patients should have multiple nametag bracelets to help identify patients better.  Apparently, there is a growing trend...

After Obesity is Classified as a Disease, Ralph Calls In Sick for the Fourth...

HOUSTON, TX – At United Data Centers Inc., a web development company, Ralph Summers has called in "sick" four times in the last month.  The AMA has recently classified obesity as a disease and...

Conrad Murray Hired Promoting Exclusive Anesthesia Use for Propofol

HOUSTON, TX – Dr. Conrad Murray, a smooth criminal, has been released from jail following his two-year sentence for the death of Michael Jackson.  He has been unable to find a job as a cardiologist due to losing his...
routine ECG

Local EKG Tech Reassigned Due to Voluptuous Breasts

MIAMI, FL – EKG tech Candi Jacobs has been working at Mercy Hospital for two years.  She was recently reassigned; hospital administration stated the reason as "voluptuous breasts." Ms. Jacobs and her scrub puppies were...