Recurrent Lice Outbreaks Have ID Specialists Scratching Their Heads
“This has to be the worst year we’ve ever seen for headlice,” Dr. Raj Sasikumar said, digging the nails of his left hand into his scalp. “It started in the elementary schools, as is...
Journal of Obvious Medical Advancements (JOMA) Maintains Impact Factor of Zero
The American Medical Association, publisher of the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) proudly celebrated the three year of also publishing the Journal of Obvious Medical Advancements (JOMA). In the competitive...
Child Aspires to Be Burnt-Out Physician When She Grows Up
CHICAGO, IL -- Peggy Cheng had just graduated from first grade this summer when she told her parents that when she grows up she would like to spend eighty percent of her day writing...
New Hospital Beds Harder to Figure Out Than Acid-Base
NASHVILLE, TN - Medical staff at Nashville Memorial Hospital are completely baffled by a new fleet of hospital beds on Unit 55-G, saying that it's without question easier to solve an acid-base disorder.
"Why does...
Spa Offers ‘Ultimate Relaxation’ With 55-Minute Carotid Sinus Massage
SANTA FE, MN - For guests who want to experience the ultimate in relaxation, the spa at the Inn of the Four Extremities is offering a 55-minute carotid sinus massage. It is the...
NIH Close to Uncovering Elusive Fifth Abdominal Quadrant
BETHESDA, MD - Sensing a breakthrough is imminent, scientists at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have publicly announced they are indeed very close to uncovering the fifth abdominal quadrant.
Modern medicine is almost regularly...
IDSA Recommends Washing Clothes Before, After Every Patient Encounter
ARLINGTON, VA - In an aggressive effort to help control the spread of microorganisms, the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) strongly recommends health care professionals thoroughly wash their clothes before & after every...
Nephrologist Sets Patients’ Dry Weight Goal at 0 Kg
HOUSTON, TX - Adding to his reputation of aggressively managing volume status, nephrologist Albert Kalosis has announced that his new goal dry weight for his end-stage renal disease (ESRD) patients is zero kilograms.
"You...
CDC Recommends Washing Hands for 30 Minutes Before, After Each Patient Encounter
ATLANTA, GA - Stating that health care professionals can do more to prevent the spread of germs, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) recommends that health care professionals wash their hands for...
Review: Lesser-Known Types of Enemas
Constipation is prevalent in hospitalized patients. Systematic reviews have shown that 99.7% of patients are constipated from prolonged bedrest or medication side effects, while 99.6% of health care professionals are constipated due to...