Local Doctors Refuse to Take Care of Nickelback, Cite Do No Harm
DETROIT, MI - On Saturday at 3:14 p.m., Nickelback’s tour bus crashed into a herd of rouge elephants that had escaped from the now abandoned Detroit City...
“Bieber Fever” Determined to Be Neurosyphilis
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Scientists have been investigating an outbreak that has been sweeping over the world the past several years that has been coined...
Man Takes Care of Vinyl Records Better Than Himself
AUSTIN, TX - A 33-and-a-half-year-old Austin man has been observed to and openly admits to taking care of his vinyl records better than himself,...
Orthopod Uses Patient’s Femurs to Play the Drums
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Orthopedic surgeon Jake Crusher came home today supremely excited: it was his day off and he just bought a brand new...
Gastroenterologist Discovers Advanced Colonoscopy Technique, Twerk Position, While Working on Miley Cyrus
ANAHEIM, CA - Dr. Dan Abernath, known as the gastroenterologist to the stars, submitted a paper to Gastroenterology, describing a new advanced colonoscopy technique...
Music Therapist Fired After Being Caught with Nickelback CD
TUSCALOOSA, AL - Local music therapist, Don D’Krell was relieved of his duties last week after nursing staff saw him bringing a Nickelback CD...
Toxicologist Bell Biv DeVoe Confirms: ‘That Girl is Poison’
BOSTON, MA - After "sensing something strange in my mind" for a few days now, Boston emergency physician and toxiciologist Dr. Bell Biv DeVoe has...
ICU Team Develops Defibrillator With New Setting: The Slow Code Mode
PHOENIX, AZ - Luck of the Lady Hospital in Arizona has begun to trial a defibrillator developed by a few of its seasoned staff,...
New Musical Chairs Discharge Protocol Fun & Effective
NEW YORK, NY - Is your hospital filled to the gills? With patients sicker than ever, are discharges few and far between? Things may...
CDC Announces “It’s Friday, I’m in Love!!”
ATLANTA, GA - After informing Thursday that it didn't care about it, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has happily announced that...