Lady Gaga’s Doctor Finding It Difficult to Auscultate Her Heart
NEW YORK, NY - Dr. Rubenstein told reporters Friday that he struggles to auscultate Lady’s heart. Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, also known as Lady Gaga,...
Music Review: Radiohead’s Clinic A
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 QRS Complexes
The opening track is called “Everything is AV-Paced.” It is an adventure in arrhythmia, with drummer Phil Selway...
Doctors Still Unclear Why Right Said Fred So Sexy It Hurts
LONDON, ENGLAND - Despite a battery of noninvasive and invasive diagnostic tests, doctors at London Medical Center remain puzzled, as they are still unclear why...
Maroon 5 Admitted to Hospital with 5 Maroon Stools
LOS ANGELES, CA - Maroon 5 is hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center after collectively experiencing 5 maroon-colored stools, including lead singer and NBC’s The...
Orthopod Uses Patient’s Femurs to Play the Drums
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Orthopedic surgeon Jake Crusher came home today supremely excited: it was his day off and he just bought a brand new...
Local Doctors Refuse to Take Care of Nickelback, Cite Do No Harm
DETROIT, MI - On Saturday at 3:14 p.m., Nickelback’s tour bus crashed into a herd of rouge elephants that had escaped from the now abandoned Detroit City...
Toxicologist Bell Biv DeVoe Confirms: ‘That Girl is Poison’
BOSTON, MA - After "sensing something strange in my mind" for a few days now, Boston emergency physician and toxiciologist Dr. Bell Biv DeVoe has...
Conrad Murray Hired Promoting Exclusive Anesthesia Use for Propofol
HOUSTON, TX – Dr. Conrad Murray, a smooth criminal, has been released from jail following his two-year sentence for the death of Michael Jackson. He has been unable to...
ICU Team Develops Defibrillator With New Setting: The Slow Code Mode
PHOENIX, AZ - Luck of the Lady Hospital in Arizona has begun to trial a defibrillator developed by a few of its seasoned staff,...
PT Asks Patient to “Walk Like an Egyptian”
ATHENS, GA - In breaking rehabilitation news this morning, Athens Medical Center physical therapist (PT) Susanna Hoffs has just asked her deconditioned 89-year-old patient in...