Pharmacy

pharmacist

Pharmacists Reassure Worried Public They’ll Never Run Out of GoLytely

0
BRAINTREE, MA—From antibiotics to analgesics and anesthetics to ACLS drugs, there is an underreported epidemic of drug shortages in America. With over 140 vital...
unicorn

Investigation Reveals Dilaudid Manufactured From Unicorn Tears

0
Reports from a three year long undercover investigation reveal that Pharmagen has been manufacturing dilaudid using a tremendous volume of unicorn tears. The 3,000...

Local Doctor Consults Sauron to Create the One Pill to Cure Them All

0
“I was at my wits’ end with these chronic pain patients,” Local doctor Fro Doe told reporters. “They keep coming in over and over...

Simple Solution to Medication Non-Adherence: Get Patients Addicted to Their Medicine

0
BLUNT, SD—An innovative physician fed up with patients who don’t take their medications as prescribed has successfully lobbied Congress and pharmaceutical companies to adopt...

Patient Can’t Pronounce Metoprolol, Electively Intubated

0
RICHMOND, VA - Patient Mary Andrews, a 52-year-old female with atrial fibrillation tried to pronounce the beta blocker “metoprolol” earlier this morning.  She found...
Libido Pills

New Female Libido Pill to Hit Shelves

2
ATLANTA, GA - A new female libido pill is expected to hit shelves this week called Pamper.  The pill is designed to put that flame...
Martin Shkreli

Things You Should Know About Martin Shkreli

0
CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals Martin Shkreli raised the price of Daraprim, a drug used in the treatment of toxoplasmosis, from $13.50 to $750 per...
banana bag

Unsure What’s a Banana Bag, Pharmacist Just Bags a Bunch of Bananas

0
HONOLULU, HI - New pharmacist Aaron Prior-Auth admits he was flustered when nurse practitioner Karen Kaufmann called him up to get a "banana bag,...

ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids

20
ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking...
Medical center

Medicine Changed Forever After Dr. Google Granted Prescriptive Authority

0
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Medicine will be changed forever after yesterday's ruling allowing online medical symptom checker sites, including Dr. Google, to prescribe medications. "We plan...