Thursday, July 21, 2022

Pharmacy

urine urinating eyeballs

After Being Given 200 mg of IV Lasix, Patient Urinating from Eyeballs

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LOUISVILLE, KY - After receiving a whopping dose of Lasix (furosemide) IV just within the past 20 minutes, Tina O’Rourke has informed those closest to her that she is not only adequately urinating from...

Hospital Debuts Combination Clinic/Pharmacy Drive-Thru

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RALEIGH, NC - A brand new healthcare system opened in Raleigh last week, as Atlantic Healthcare System (AHS) unveiled its state-of-the-art drive-thru clinic/pharmacy to rave reviews from consumers.  Atlantic Health calls Clinimax "The Future of...
epinephrine

Patient Dies When Nurse Unable To Scan Epinephrine Vial at Code

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FORT WAYNE, IN - A nurse’s worst nightmare occurred tonight at Lincoln Memorial Hospital in Fort Wayne.  A code blue was called overhead and nurses and doctors rushed to the scene of a crashing...
epipen price increase

EpiPen Users Develop Shock Over EpiPen Prices: Treatment, More EpiPens

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WASHINGTON, DC - Numerous cases of EpiPen Price Gouging Shock (EPGS) are sweeping the nation after EpiPen prices continue to be hiked up by pharmaceutical company Mylan.  Prices for this life saving delivery device...

New Dating Website ‘Just Pharmacists’ Proven to Reduce Cardiomyopathy

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For many a lonely pharmacist, the only drug in critical shortage is love. Now, thanks to the makers of such successes as Ashley Madison, millions of pharmacists and people who want to live the...
cancer drug

Cancer Drug Delayed 2 Years Due to Licensing Deal

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Boston, MA – Astra-Nomical has delayed their wonder cancer drug, Fizamax (ferazepatab), again. This time up to 2 years because of promotional disputes. “We were in late talks with Lucasfilm to have their new Jedi...
cancer drug

Meet Dilaudicillin the Groundbreaking New Narcotic/Antibiotic Combo that has Patient Satisfaction Scores Through the...

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In the era of Press-Ganey scores, most physicians have finally accepted that they are essentially waiters whose job is to serve the every whim of their patients/customers. Accordingly, every good physician should be dispensing...
crocodile moat

Red Line in Medication Room Replaced with Crocodile-Filled Moat

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BOSTON, MA - Any nurse who has dispensed medications knows the ubiquitous red line, in the medication room, near the Pyxis machine.  This is a barrier of safety; step across the threshold for a distraction...
hospital administrators

Hospital Renamed “Our Lady of Perpetual Shortage”

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In honor of recent supply chain deficiencies, FDA recalls, as well as loss of manufacturing capabilities from recent environmental disasters in Puerto Rico and the Gulf Coast, St. Ann’s Lying-In Hospital and Orphanarium has...
pharmacist

Nostalgic Pharmacists Yearn for Good ‘Ole Days of Illegible Doctors’ Prescriptions

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Though pharmacists appreciate the progress that has been made with electronic health records (EHR) and e-prescriptions over the past two decades, many admit they kind of miss the good ‘ole...