Controlled Substance Just Wants to Be Treated Like Other Substances
PHARMACY, USA - “You know, I’m just like everyone else. I just want to be in the same classes, have the same schedule,” lamented...
Staph Aureus Bacterium Ridiculed by for Still Being Sensitive to Methicillin
A single, sad Staph Aureus bacterium has been shunned from its colony for still being sensitive to methicillin in the year 2019.
“Apparently it didn’t...
Meet Dilaudicillin the Groundbreaking New Narcotic/Antibiotic Combo that has Patient Satisfaction Scores Through the...
In the era of Press-Ganey scores, most physicians have finally accepted that they are essentially waiters whose job is to serve the every whim...
Dr. Oz is Right: “The Miracle Pill” is for Real
A world-renowned TV celebrity physician Dr. Oz unraveled the mystery behind “The Miracle Pill.” “This sh** is for real,” says Dr. Oz while throwing...
It’s Time for a Change: Pharmacists Tired of Being the Last Stop in a...
CHARLESTON, SC - Pharmacists across the country are angry in regards to the pharmacy being the last stop in a patient’s day. Typically, patients are exhausted when...
Local Doctor Consults Sauron to Create the One Pill to Cure Them All
“I was at my wits’ end with these chronic pain patients,” Local doctor Fro Doe told reporters. “They keep coming in over and over...
Fifth Season of Netflix’s ‘Narcos’ To Be Set In Washington, D.C.
SCOTTS VALLEY, CA - Seasons 1 through 3 chronicled the drug trade through Columbia, Season 4 is poised to go to Mexico, and it...
Cancer Drug Delayed 2 Years Due to Licensing Deal
Boston, MA – Astra-Nomical has delayed their wonder cancer drug, Fizamax (ferazepatab), again. This time up to 2 years because of promotional disputes.
“We were...
Protamine Shortage Amid Strike at Salmon Sperm Acquisition Factory
DALLAS, TX - Add another to the list: protamine. This antidote to heparin is on national shortage and warnings are being issued to hospitals...
Starbucks Offering Frappuccino Drips for a Limited Time
SEATTLE, WA - To help mitigate caffeine withdrawal in its hospitalized customers, Starbucks will be partnering with inpatient pharmacies for a limited time to...