Hospital Replaces Pharmacists with “Narcotic Sommeliers”
SANTA CLARA, CA - A Bay Area hospital is making a bold move to improve patient satisfaction, as last week its staff pharmacists were...
Night Float Intern Boldly Chooses Non-Vanc/Zosyn Empiric Antibiotic Regimen
DALLAS, TX - Night calls can be a scary thing for new interns. Everything from blood pressures of 170/80 and sleeping pill requests in...
Cancer Drug Delayed 2 Years Due to Licensing Deal
Boston, MA – Astra-Nomical has delayed their wonder cancer drug, Fizamax (ferazepatab), again. This time up to 2 years because of promotional disputes.
“We were...
Drug Prices Outta Control: Man Spends 3 Months’ Salary on Vaginal Contraceptive Ring for...
INTERCOURSE, PA—The great Beyoncé once never said, “If you didn’t want it, you shoulda put a ring in it.” As everyone surely doesn’t remember,...
Pfizer Releases Box of Assorted Medications for Valentine’s Day
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has announced plans to release a limited-edition box of assorted medications in time for Valentine’s Day. The...
Patient Can’t Pronounce Metoprolol, Electively Intubated
RICHMOND, VA - Patient Mary Andrews, a 52-year-old female with atrial fibrillation tried to pronounce the beta blocker “metoprolol” earlier this morning. She found...
Pharmacy No Longer Accepting Scripts Written in Crayon, Dr. Muppet: ‘Me Angry!’
ORLANDO, FL – The outpatient pharmacy at Orlando Regional Medical Center (ORMC) has issued a hospital-wide memo Monday that they will stop accepting prescription...
Meet Dilaudicillin the Groundbreaking New Narcotic/Antibiotic Combo that has Patient Satisfaction Scores Through the...
In the era of Press-Ganey scores, most physicians have finally accepted that they are essentially waiters whose job is to serve the every whim...
Staph Aureus Bacterium Ridiculed by for Still Being Sensitive to Methicillin
A single, sad Staph Aureus bacterium has been shunned from its colony for still being sensitive to methicillin in the year 2019.
“Apparently it didn’t...
Full-Strength Aspirin Now 331 Milligrams to Adjust for Inflation
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Food & Drug Administration (FDA) in conjunction with the U.S. Department of the Treasury have reported that they have increased...