ATLANTA, GA – “This voiding trial has begun!” Judge Emerson Rhodes III told a full-capacity, overly-distended courtroom in downtown Atlanta as he called order with his gavel at 8:45 AM this morning.
In what is expected to be the Trial of the Century, urologist Brianna Reddy put her patient’s bladder on trial for voiding today, making the case for why a Foley catheter should come out immediately and why the defendant, the bladder, should be forced to urinate on its own for the next 24 hours.
Both sides opened with strong, foul, malodorous arguments, which occasionally burned and contained traces of blood.
Reddy called several witnesses to the stand, including nurse Barry Wilcox and the bladder’s own Foley catheter. Wilcox expressed his concern over the risk of catheter-associated urinary tract infection (CAUTI), while the Foley catheter itself was irritated to the point that it “might cause some trauma in these parts.” With its threat to cause hematuria, the Foley catheter was held in contempt of court.
Once things calmed and spasms were no longer causing incontinence, the bladder countered by asking the patient’s deconditioned legs to testify, saying that there was “no way in hell” it could carry the bladder to the toilet, “even the bedside commode” in time. The bladder also asked a nighttime dose of Lasix 160 mg x 1 dose to take the stand, who felt the Foley should “shut up, stay in, and do its job.”
Tomorrow’s deliberations will likely see the following witnesses approach the bench: Flomax, finasteride, and the prostate.