ATLANTA, GA – Stating the potential for significant functional gains and a return to baseline in a matter of minutes, physical therapist Darryl Young has recommended his hospitalized patient go to hyperacute rehab (HAR) post-discharge.

Physical therapy hyperacute rehab
Crushing it

“More often than not, patients will benefit from acute or subacute rehab,” explained Young, who states that his patient progressed from unable to walk to hurdling stretchers in 20 minutes.  “But every once in a blue moon, a special patient comes along who deserves the most intensive, multidisciplinary rehabilitation program out there, and that’s hyperacute rehab.  They don’t just benefit: they crush their condition and come out better than before.  This patient will be perfect for that.”

Like acute and subacute rehab, hyperacute rehab involves physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy as needed.  However, whereas acute rehab can involve at least 3 hours of therapy most days of the week and subacute rehab can involve 1-2 hours of therapy for several days of the week, patients in hyperacute rehab receive therapy every second and minute while they are there.  And that leads to another difference: the length of stay of hyperacute rehab is markedly less than the other types of rehab, ranging from as little as 3 minutes to as long as 23 hours.

“In some cases, the recovery can be so swift than we’ve seen patients return to baseline in a matter of seconds, and even become invincible and indestructible,” said Dr. Jamison Lake, the medical director at Hyperacute or Die-Trying Rehab in Roswell, GA.  “A lot of that has to do with the intensive therapy: it’s not uncommon for 30-to-40 therapists to be working on a single patient at any given time in order to essentially turn the patient into a superhero.”

According to sources, many believe that if Young’s patient remains motivated and focused on her recovery, she can easily graduate hyperacute rehab not only a full-fledged ninja, but with 20 extra lives.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.