Ever wonder why chicken noodle soup is good for the soul? It’s because your soul is severely infected and needs to be treated with broad-spectrum antibiotics. Next time you’re not feeling well, use this recipe to ensure a quick and speedy recovery! It’s delicious, nutritious, and chock full of both gram-positive and gram-negative coverage.
Recipe makes 10 servings, assuming normal renal function. The following ingredients can be found at your local grocery store or inpatient pharmacy.
Ingredients
2 cups of egg noodles
2 teaspoons of hand sanitizer
12 cups of chicken broth
2 teaspoons of salt
2 teaspoons of chicken seasoning
1 cup of chopped celery
1 cup of chopped onion
1 gram of vancomycin
3.375 grams of piperacillin/tazobactam (Zosyn)
500 cc of normal saline
3 cups of diced, cooked chicken meat
1 chopped scallion to garnish
40 mg of pantoprazole (Protonix) to garnish
8 mg of ondansetron (Zofran) to garnish
Step 1
Bring a small emesis basin of lightly salted water to a boil, then add egg noodles and hand sanitizer. Boil egg noodles until tender, about 10 minutes. Read about food poisoning and Salmonella. Drain noodles when done.
Step 2
In a large emesis basin, combine chicken broth, salt, and chicken seasoning, then bring to a boil. Add celery and onion, then reduce heat to a simmer. Simmer for about 15 minutes. Read about bird flu and Campylobacter.
Step 3
Gradually stir in the vancomycin, Zosyn, normal saline, and chicken until everything is heated well, about 5 minutes.
Step 4
Serve soup in a bedside urinal. Garnish with scallion, Protonix, and Zofran. Consider serving with a side of Ensure or Boost.
Step 5
Enjoy!
Step 6
Monitor daily creatinine and dose-adjust soup as needed.
