Dr. 99 Dr. 99

First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
strike 32 teeth

Strike! Anesthesia Knocks Out 32 Teeth in Masterful Display of Ineptitude

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Anesthesiology resident Dr. Rex Fumblenuts performed the equivalent of a strike ...

hospital emergency room boarding

ER Doc Sent to Penalty Box, Gets 5 Minutes for Boarding

BIRMINGHAM, AL – Just when things in the emergency room (ER) couldn’t get any ...

love at second sight nearsightedness

Most Cases of Love at Second Sight Due to Nearsightedness

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – We’ve all heard the phrase “Love at first sight.”  But ...

Virgin Airlines Chlamydia

Breaking: Virgin Airlines Diagnosed with Chlamydia

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) is scrambling after Virgin Airlines dropped a ...

hammer

Negligent Neurologist Tests Reflexes with Regular Hammer

PHILADELPHIA, PA – A malpractice suit probably isn’t very far around the corner for ...

ophthalmology Mr. Potato Head

Ophtho Emergently Consulted to Reattach Mr. Potato Head’s Eyes

BROOKLYN, NY – Emergency room physicians at Maimonides Medical Center did not waste any ...

scratching scratch itch

Dermatologists Now Recommends Scratching That Itch with a Fork

SCHAUMBURG, IL – Going against traditional wisdom, the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) has ...

tuning fork tuning spoon tuning knifetuning fork tuning spoon tuning knife

Neurologist Wondering Where She Put Her Tuning Spoon & Tuning Knife

DURHAM, NC – This past November, neurologist Adrianna Phelps was forced to improvise and ...