Jesus Christ Himself Scheduled to Perform Miracle, Patient Furious with being NPO
Mr. Jacobs’ primary team was thrilled when their hospital operator was finally able to get through to Jesus Christ regarding the miracle they were hoping to have performed on Friday. The patient was in...
ASA Admits NPO Guidelines are Entirely Arbitrary
San Diego, CA- In a move that shocked surgeons and anesthesiologists alike, the American Society of Anesthesia announced today that their NPO guidelines are completely baseless.
Anesthesia Makes Surgical Recommendations
In a world flip-turned upside down, anesthesia has had enough and is making recommendations on how to do surgery.
During a hernia surgery: “Oh, you’re using a 3-0 Vicryl and 4-0 Monocryl to close? I’d...
Anesthesia resident lauded for poise during intubation, admits he had no clue what happened
PORTLAND, OR - Ms. Wee was prepped for her biannual joint replacement in OR 4, but this time would be different. Anesthesia resident Dr. CJ Van Ross would be at the helm, stationed at...
Surgeon General: Attorney General’s Progress Note Copied Directly from H&P
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Surgeon General Jerome Adams released his opinion in a press statement that Attorney General William Barr “simply copied relevant portions of the admitting H&P in making his progress note.”
In a meeting...
Anesthesia: After All These Years, Still Can’t Tell Apart Trachea & Esophagus
BALTIMORE, MD - The Hoppin' Johns University anesthesiologist Dr. James Keane proudly admits that despite being in practice for over 20 years he still can't really tell apart the trachea and esophagus,...
AANA: ‘Despite Having Much Less Training CRNAs Also Equivalent to Neurosurgeons, Fighter Pilots, and...
PARK RIDGE, IL - The American Association of Nurse Anesthetists (AANA) ruffled a lot of feathers and raised a lot of logical thinking eyebrows today when they announced that despite significantly...
Wolf Huffs and He Puffs and He Blows Anesthesia’s Drapes Down
LONDON, ENGLAND - A confrontation has broken out between the Big Bad Wolf and anesthesiologist James Halliwell in OR 5 of London Bridge Medical Center.
"Anesthesia, Anesthesia, let...
Staff Anesthesiologist Baffled By Necessity To Personally Place An IV
STANFORD, CA - Dr. Stav Señor, attending anesthesiologist at a large tertiary-care facility affiliated with a prolific medical school and residency program, was caught in a pinch when placed in truly unfamiliar territory.
With his...
New Incentivized Spirometers to Pay $50 Per Deep Breath
ATLANTA, GA – In an effort to better encourage patients to do their breathing exercises, a newly-designed incentivized spirometer will pay patients $50 per deep breath - that's right: cold, hard, cash...
