Voluven to Make Comeback as an Axillary Roll
NEWCASTLE, AUSTRALIA - The end seemed nigh for Voluven. The volume expander has been on the ropes after large clinical trials demonstrated increased risks...
Female Doctors Now Required to Show ID During Flight Emergencies
ATLANTA, GA - Delta Airlines announced that "all female physicians will need to show identification during an in-flight emergency." They are coming off of...
Jesus Christ Himself Scheduled to Perform Miracle, Patient Furious with being NPO
Mr. Jacobs’ primary team was thrilled when their hospital operator was finally able to get through to Jesus Christ regarding the miracle they were...
Musical Endotracheal Tubes Brighten Up ICU
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Intensive care units (ICU) are notoriously grim environments, filled with scenes of grief and worry. But thanks to a new...
COVID-19: U.S. Surgeon General Caught Hoarding All of Nation’s Masks
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Just two weeks after he wisely tweeted "Serious people- STOP BUYING MASKS!" in an effort to prevent a shortage of masks...
Guy on Motorcycle Looking Forward to Donating His Organs
CALIFORNIA – Harris Jasper, a 3-year rider of a Kawasaki Ninja, or crotch rocket, told friends and family that this year would likely be the year...
Anesthesiologists Now Required by Law to Scratch Itching Surgeons During Operations
BOCA RATON, FL - The longstanding practice of anesthesiologists having to scratch surgeons in the operating room has now become codified into law. Effective next...
Federal Aviation Administration’s Checklist-Oriented Outpatient Surgery Center Closes After Every Patient Dies
WASHINGTON, DC - In what many practicing clinicians have called “not at all surprising” and “what dimwit funded this incredibly stupid idea?” the FAA has...
Search & Rescue Team Saves Anesthesiologist Buried Under Drape Avalanche
DALLAS, TX - Search and rescue operations are underway to locate anesthesiologist Kelly Doolittle in operating room (OR) 5 at Dallas Medical Center after...