Cardiothoracic Surgeon Hoping He Didn’t Leave Wallet in Guy’s Aorta
NEW YORK, NY - As cardiothoracic surgeon Timothy Carter sews his patient's sternum closed after successful repair of an ascending aortic aneurysm, he can't help...
George Washington: ‘I Cannot Tell a Lie… Anesthesia Cut Down the Cherry Tree’
MOUNT VERNON, VA - New historical notes and rough drafts by Mason Locke Weemes, who helped write the first autobiography about George Washington,...
New Ventilator Attachment Safely Allows Smoking While Receiving Oxygen
CHARLOTTE, NC - Bronco Products, Inc. is pleased to announce its revolutionary new ventilation product. PapPal is an amazingly simple device that allows those...
Phillips to Introduce Monitor that Only Alarms
DALLAS, TX - Today Phillips unveiled their mew monitor: Alarmtron 3000. This new monitor is the next step in evolution from the previous generation...
Santa Claus Aspirates Milk, Cookies after Ignoring NPO Guidelines
NORTH POLE, SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SIBERIA & ALASKA - Christmas has been canceled as Santa Claus fights for his life in the ICU. Thankfully he...
New Cosmetic Anesthesia Services Get Glowing Patient Reviews
CALABASAS, CA - Patient satisfaction has skyrocketed at a local California hospital after the decision to implement a Cosmetic Anesthesia program. Surgical patients can...
Surgery is Delayed Due to Lack of “Time In” After Time Out
SAN JOSE, CA - OR 12 experienced a three-hour delay for what was supposed to be a 7 am start on a Tuesday morning...
Pathetic Anesthesiologist Can’t Even Put Own Kids to Sleep
In an embarrassing display of parenting incompetence, 38-year-old anesthesiologist Eric Springer was unable to put his own kids to bed late Thursday night. That's...
Local Hospital Pleased to Offer Natural Surgery
VASHON ISLAND, WA - A growing number of Americans are attracted to natural and alternative remedies, whether it be Echinacea for colds, shark cartilage for chemotherapy,...
ASA Admits NPO Guidelines are Entirely Arbitrary
San Diego, CA- In a move that shocked surgeons and anesthesiologists alike, the American Society of Anesthesia announced today that their NPO guidelines are...