Phillips to Introduce Monitor that Only Alarms
DALLAS, TX - Today Phillips unveiled their mew monitor: Alarmtron 3000. This new monitor is the next step in evolution from the previous generation...
ASA Updates Algorithm to Account for Redheads
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA) released new guidelines that update their infamous ASA classification system to account for the anesthetic...
Texas Execution Delayed Due to Inmate’s NPO Status
DALLAS, TX – For the third time this week a Texas execution was canceled due to the prison inmate #474901’s NPO status. "Someone’s got...
Medical Professions as NFL Teams
Anesthesia is the Cincinnati Bengals: no one knows anyone on the team; they rotate so often it’s not worth learning names anyway.
Orthopaedics are the...
Body Image Issues Linked to Color-Coded Hospital Scrubs Size
PALO ALTO, CA - Scrubs are fairly shapeless. If you can discern shapes, the wearer is likely pregnant or wearing the wrong size. The ultimate...
Surgeon Passes Out Following OR Fentanyl Exposure, Remainder of OR Staff Unaffected
BOSTON, MA – 94 minutes into what was a routine total knee arthroplasty, Dr. James Nairbear suddenly felt lightheaded and fell backwards landing in...
Conrad Murray Hired Promoting Exclusive Anesthesia Use for Propofol
HOUSTON, TX – Dr. Conrad Murray, a smooth criminal, has been released from jail following his two-year sentence for the death of Michael Jackson. He has been unable to...
Medicine Consult on the Fence About Restarting HCTZ
ATLANTA, GA - The tension is mounting on the surgical ward at Emory University Hospital as Dr. Christopher Roberts of Hospital Medicine remains on...
SHITSTORM Red Flag Phrases During Patient Turnover
DJIBOUTI, DJIBOUTI - The 5th annual Seminar of Hospital Internists Technologists Surgeons Traumatologists Others RNs and More (SHITSTORM) convention resulted in the drafting of...
Federal Aviation Administration’s Checklist-Oriented Outpatient Surgery Center Closes After Every Patient Dies
WASHINGTON, DC - In what many practicing clinicians have called “not at all surprising” and “what dimwit funded this incredibly stupid idea?” the FAA has...