Primary Care

stubborn patient

Patient Looks Forward to Getting Admitted & Refusing Everything a Hospital Can Offer

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ATLANTA, GA - For the third time this month and tenth time this year, Jason Reynolds, a 54-year-old male with epic levels of noncompliance,...
buffet

Government to Mandate Scale-Operated Doors at All American Buffet Restaurants

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WASHINGTON, DC - At the urging of First Lady Michelle Obama, the POTUS has issued an executive order aimed at curtailing the staggering rates...

Hospital Pilots Pet Therapy with Black Bears, Grizzlies

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VALHALLA, NY - Hospital administrators at Westchester Medical Center are piloting a new pet therapy program using service animals - black bears and grizzlies,...

Hospital Unveils Pain Scale That Goes to Eleven

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VANCOUVER, BC - In the movie This is Spinal Tap, guitarist Nigel Tufnel proudly shows off an amplifier that turns up to eleven instead...
nice patient endangered species

Breaking: Nice Patients Added to Endangered Species List

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a move suggesting they are likely to become extinct unless something more is done to save them for future generations, the...
pumpkin spice

Hospitals Now Offering Seasonal Pumpkin-Spiced Patient Satisfaction Surveys

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BOCA RATON, FL - Hospital administrators at Madre De Díos Medical Center will now offer seasonal pumpkin-spiced patient satisfaction surveys in order to improve...
hobby lobby birth control pills

Hobby Lobby’s Pharmacies Continue to Sell Birth Control While Denying Workers Coverage

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OKLAHOMA, OK - Hobby Lobby's pharmacies will continue to sell contraceptives after the company's recent Supreme Court victory.  "The contraceptive business, I mean craft...
geriatric fellowship

Snoop Dogg Completes Geriatrics Fellowship

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LONG BEACH, CA - After seemingly vanishing from the public eye for over a decade, former rapper Calvin "Snoop Dogg" Broadus announced that he...
rectal exam glove

Rectal Exam Nuisance: New Product Changing the Way We Look at Cheeks

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MIAMI, FL - A new product by Telameto Corporation has emergency practitioners cheering for joy.  The inefficiencies of the rectal exam will quickly be...
pokemon go

Pokemon Go Video Game Gets People To Go Outside

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CHICAGO, IL - Doctors are flabbergasted by what Nintendo has achieved. For years, they have been telling patients to stop playing video games and...