Primary Care

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Public Flees California in Droves Due to Dilaudid Shortage

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CALIFORNIA - As a result of a statewide shortage of the popular IV opioid pain medication, Dilaudid, a mass emigration of people away from...
lab tests

Local Woman: ‘I Need All My Labs Drawn’

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EAST LANSING, MI – Local patient Sheryl Harris came to clinic today with a chief complaint of "I need all my labs drawn." When questioned...
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Reality Star Doc McStuffins Opens Up About Physician Burnout

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ALBANY, NY - A stack of unfinished charts.  Overturned juice boxes.  An exhausted young physician, asleep on her desk, is awoken suddenly by her...

Hospital Taking Patient Satisfaction Scores Way Too Seriously

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CHICAGO, IL - "Simply outrageous," were comments expressed by physicians and nurses in regards to how hospital administrators were implementing new management policies at Mercy...

Old Man Tired of Giving Medical History

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GOSHEN, MI - A local man with multiple medical problems decided to tape record his medical history to playback instead of repeating himself at...
diabetes

Major Hospitals Caught in Diabetes Scandal

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SUGARVILLE, TX - The Hershey Memorial Hospital (HMH) has been cited in a nationwide investigation by the CDC. The investigation is a result of patient complaints...
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CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys

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ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case.  A patient with no known Ebola exposures in...

Mayo Secretly Celebrates New #1 Status After Cleveland Clinic Comes Out Anti-Vax

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ROCHESTER, MN - The Mayo Clinic recently held a campus-wide party this weekend full of "Number 1" balloons and cakes that said "Mayo #1". ...
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Apocolyptic Electronic Medical Record Becomes Self-Aware

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"And just like that, the world burned."  Those haunting words were discovered deep within a nursing note by hospitalist Kilty McSwagger while he was...
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New Patient Satisfaction Initiative Mandates That All Patient Baths Have “Happy Ending”

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CARY, NC - In a bold and unprecedented move to increase patient satisfaction scores, administrators at Our Lady of Chronic Narcotic Dependence Hospital outside...