Primary Care

doctor on phone

This Patient Really Belongs on Your Service

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Commentary by a Doctor of a Kind Different From Your Kind Hi.  I’m really sorry to be waking you at an hour such as this...
55-hour ENERGY

FDA Approves 55-Hour ENERGY for Incoming July Interns

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a major win for soon-to-be-exhausted incoming July interns at residency programs across the land, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has...
cheetos sign

New Cheetos Finger Decision Rule for Abdominal Pain

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ANDERSON, CA - In a bold move, the Emergency Physicians at St Vincent Hospital in Anderson California have introduced the “Cheetos Fingers” sign into...
CPR

CPR Guidelines Made Even Simpler

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Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation was replaced by only chest compression in 2008 after a slow de-emphasis on replacement breathing.  This made CPR simple and easy to remember,...
bad diet

Hospital Introduces ‘American Diet,’ Patient Satisfaction Soars

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LOUISVILLE, KY - Patients and medical staff are abuzz about the University of Louisville Medical Center’s (ULMC) new dietary option: the American diet.  It...

Product Review: Littman’s Cordless Stethoscope

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Pros: Portable stethoscope capable of listening to human organ noises.  No battery required! Cons: The cordless nature of the device means you have no excuse...
diabetes medications in food

McDonald’s Introduces Value Meals With Cholesterol and Diabetes Medications Blended In

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BOCA RATON, FL - In a landmark move being hailed as "a potential solution to the obesity epidemic" plaguing the U.S., the McDonald's Corporation announced...

No-Show Rates Skyrocket Around Flag Day

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ARLINGTON, VA - Citing elaborate Flag Day celebrations, year after year patients just don't show up at Hamilton & Burr Trauma Hospital near our nation's...

Old Man Tired of Giving Medical History

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GOSHEN, MI - A local man with multiple medical problems decided to tape record his medical history to playback instead of repeating himself at...
smoking lounge

Hospital Opens Smoker’s Lounge for Patients

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CHICAGO, IL - Lord Have Mercy Hospital has taken patient satisfaction to a whole new level by recently opening a “Smoker’s Lounge” for its...