Primary Care

Disgusting! This Patient’s Cranial Nerves Were Grossly Intact

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When you didn't think medicine could deliver any more heebie-jeebies, this clinic just received a large, overnight shipment of them.  Last week, per the...

HDL Cholesterol Breaks Bad, Tired of Always Being the “Good” On

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ALBUQUERQUE, NM—High-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol, the so-called “good” cholesterol that helpfully clears away cholesterol deposits from arteries, is tired of always being the good...
xray smartphone app

New Smartphone App + Selfie Stick Allows Patients to Take Own X-Rays at Home

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CUPERTINO, CA - The telemedicine boom is poised to become an explosion, as a new app allows smartphone users to take their own x-rays with...
milk and cookies

Update: Cookie Monster Leaves Sesame Street Hospital AMA on Christmas Eve

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SESAME STREET – As children around the world continued to hold candlelight vigils for Cookie Monster’s health, the shocking rumors that the muppet had left...
pregnancy test

Pregnant Patient Further Shocked When Told NuvaRing Not Meant to Be Worn on Finger

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MOBILE, AL – Fighting back tears at a press conference last Saturday, Lisa Marie Bamberger told reporters she was “stunned with disbelief” in regards to...
honest patient

Doctor Confused by Record Number of Honest Patients

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SACRAMENTO, CA - In a truly unusual streak of luck, Dr. Joy Arbor of Sacramento Family Health had all honest patients on her panel...
camera crew for inspections

NFL Grants Seahawks’ Team Physician Access to Randomly Check Brady’s Balls

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NEW YORK, NY - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced yesterday his plan to address the New England Patriots’ latest veiled attempt to bend league rules to...
santa electronic record

Santa Uses Electronic Gifts Record and Screws up Bigtime

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“It has been a disaster,” said Santa while banging his head against the computer monitor screen.  “It has never taken me so long to...
woman on phone at doctor's office

Doctor Calls Patient in Clinic to Get Her Off the Phone

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HARRISBURG, PA - Ms. Rue D’Patient was entering the 6th minute of her phone call to a close friend. She was sitting in the...

Local Hospitalist Accidentally Writes Best-Selling Fantasy Novel While Trying to Change EMR Password

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DETROIT, MI - Just last week, local hospitalist Dr. Blake Harrison came across a scenario that seems to happen every 20 minutes these days:...