Primary Care

mrsa spider

Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large

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GASTONIA, NC - Following an all-too-familiar recent theme, a new patient was assaulted last week by a psychotic spider rampaging through the South. Earl Wayne...
physical therapy

Physical Therapist Evaluates Patient But Refuses to Treat

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – In a stunning turn of events, a physical therapist at St. Agnes Medical Center has evaluated a patient but is refusing...

Groundbreaking Study Finds ‘Apple a Day’ Therapy Prevents 100% of Hospital Readmissions

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KANSAS CITY, MO – A group of researchers who set out to find the most effective way to prevent hospital patients from having to...
gluten free

Man On Gluten-Free Diet Has No Idea What Gluten Actually Is

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Chad Bennington, a 32-year-old otherwise healthy male without celiac disease, saw a new phrase on his favorite cereal box at his local grocery store. ...
pinecones

Wilderness Medicine Residency Approved by ACGME, Offers to Pay Trainees in Pine Cones

9
BURLINGTON, VT - Enter the profession of wilderness medicine – every closeted survivalist’s dream come true and a quaint throwback to an era where it was...
patient satisfaction survey

Patient Satisfaction Survey Study Halted, Mortality Increased 238% with Patient Satisfaction

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LOS ANGELES, CA - "We have to halt this study immediately!" was a warning issued by lead researcher, Dr. Hans Willford from UCLA.  "Long-term mortality...
eye exam

Physical Exam Tips: The Eye

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Contrary to popular opinion, the eye exam can be performed by other health care providers too, not just ophthalmologists.  Also contrary to popular opinion,...
Quaker State Canola Oil

Product Review: Quaker State Ultimate Durability Full Synthetic Canola Oil

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Pros / Quaker State's new product provides excellent protection against the formation of sludge, plaque, and other harmful deposits, improving viscosity in all weather conditions. Cons /...
urgent care monkey

Urgent Care Trains Monkey to Dispense Z-Paks, Send Patients to ER

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CHARLOTTE, NC - An urgent care clinic in Charlotte is the talk of the industry after piloting a new program meant to lower costs...
hobby lobby birth control pills

Hobby Lobby’s Pharmacies Continue to Sell Birth Control While Denying Workers Coverage

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OKLAHOMA, OK - Hobby Lobby's pharmacies will continue to sell contraceptives after the company's recent Supreme Court victory.  "The contraceptive business, I mean craft...