Profits Soar After Area Hospital Opens ‘All You Can Eat/Shoot Narcotics Buffet’
In response to poor HCHAPS scores and declining revenue, St John’s in the Valley has become the first hospital in the nation to trial...
It’s Time for a Change: Pharmacists Tired of Being the Last Stop in a...
CHARLESTON, SC - Pharmacists across the country are angry in regards to the pharmacy being the last stop in a patient’s day. Typically, patients are exhausted when...
Breaking: Patient States His Medical History Should “All be in the Computer”
CHARLESTON, SC - Breaking News emerged today out of South Carolina’s Emergency Department of Save Us All Memorial Hospital (SUAMH). A 57-year-old patient arrived...
20 Out of 10 Medical Providers Annoyed by Patients’ Misuse of Pain Scales
ATLANTA, GA - According to a new study by the Centers for Pain Control & Other Nonsense (CPCON), a whopping 20 out of 10...
Rectal Exam Nuisance: New Product Changing the Way We Look at Cheeks
MIAMI, FL - A new product by Telameto Corporation has emergency practitioners cheering for joy. The inefficiencies of the rectal exam will quickly be...
In Cost-Cutting Measure, IV Poles to Be Replaced with Eager Medical Students
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Earlier this week, administrators and health care practitioners at Birmingham Medical Center implemented a new cost-cutting measure that hopes to save...
Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’
NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest...
Disgusting! This Patient’s Cranial Nerves Were Grossly Intact
When you didn't think medicine could deliver any more heebie-jeebies, this clinic just received a large, overnight shipment of them. Last week, per the...
“Rare Diseases” Give Jenny McCarthy Lifetime Achievement Award
LOS ANGELES, CA - Thursday night the 197,788th annual Rare Disease Awards - formally known as the Common Disease Awards - brought the house down at...
Hospital Introduces ‘American Diet,’ Patient Satisfaction Soars
LOUISVILLE, KY - Patients and medical staff are abuzz about the University of Louisville Medical Center’s (ULMC) new dietary option: the American diet. It...