Poor Colonoscopy Bowel Prep Blamed on Doctor
BOUTTE, LA - Bobby Boudreaux's colonoscopy had to be aborted this morning due to a poor bowel prep, making it impossible to safely perform...
American Geriatrics Association Publishes Guidelines on Gomeritis
The American Geriatrics Association has finally published its guidelines on gomeritis, a complex entity caused by the progressive deterioration of a gomerular brain. A...
Astrological Signs Predict What Kind of Patient You Are
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — An assembly of doctors who keep notes about the behavior of their patients grouped by astrological sign has released its...
Hospital’s Electronic Health Record to Be Replaced by New, Efficient ‘Paper Chart’ System
NEW YORK, NY – Citing slow load times, confusing menu structure, and overall frustration with the user interface, St. Barnaby’s Hospital has announced that the...
Waiting Room Questionnaires Actually Giant Distraction
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Doctor’s offices around the country use questionnaires and multiple intake-sheets in their offices. Sometimes filling out these forms can take upwards of 40...
Breaking: Patient States His Medical History Should “All be in the Computer”
CHARLESTON, SC - Breaking News emerged today out of South Carolina’s Emergency Department of Save Us All Memorial Hospital (SUAMH). A 57-year-old patient arrived...
Combative Little Old Lady Requires Record-Breaking 11-to-1 Sitter
SEATTLE, WA - Looks can be deceiving. 87-year-old Marsha Lynch may look like a lovely little old lady, but when she sundowns, she’s one...
FDA Approves 55-Hour ENERGY for Incoming July Interns
WASHINGTON, DC - In a major win for soon-to-be-exhausted incoming July interns at residency programs across the land, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has...
CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed ‘Panniculolithiasis’
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has issued an advisory regarding a new disease being reported sporadically across the country. There have now been over...
Justin Timberlake: I’m Bringing Measles Baaaack
Recently Justin Timberlake announced to the world that he is not planning to vaccinate his child. Evidently all the scientific evidence looks different behind...