Primary Care

laundry

After 25th Stain, Doctor Finally Decides to Wash White Coat

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NEW YORK, NY - Physician Joel Winters had not washed his white coat in over 10 years.  However, after acquiring a 25th stain today...

New CPR Guidelines Recommend Switching Out Providers Every 5 Cycles to Update Facebook Status

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ST. LOUIS, MO – The American Heart Association (AHA) conducted further research and has published the new 2014 recommendations for cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).  Basic Life...
hospital casino

Las Vegas Hospital Expands into Luxury Resort and Casino

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LAS VEGAS, NV - In a bold new plan to increase hospital revenue streams, hospital administrators at Las Vegas Medical Center have teamed up with...

Product Review: Littman’s Cordless Stethoscope

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Pros: Portable stethoscope capable of listening to human organ noises.  No battery required! Cons: The cordless nature of the device means you have no excuse...
Hilton Hospital

New Burger King and Hilton Hospital to Open

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CHICAGO, IL - Burger King and Hilton have merged together and plan to finish construction shortly on a new state of the art hotel,...
woman on phone at doctor's office

Doctor Calls Patient in Clinic to Get Her Off the Phone

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HARRISBURG, PA - Ms. Rue D’Patient was entering the 6th minute of her phone call to a close friend. She was sitting in the...
medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire infectious enthusiasm

Med Student with Crushing Debt Terrified He Will Like Family Medicine

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MAYWOOD, IL - Citing concerns about his crushing debt, local 3rd-year med student Aaron Ferguson reports that he is “terrified” he will enjoy his...
iatrogenic injury fun run

Local Hospital Sponsors 5K Fun Run to Raise Awareness About Iatrogenic Injury

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HAVRE DE GRACE, MD - After noticing several readmissions for falls, double-digit INRs, and recurrent nonischemic chest pain, hospitalists at Harford Memorial Hospital realized that...

Primary Care Office Installs People Mover

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DENVER, CO - In an effort to satisfy the demands of hospital administration, the physicians at Suncare Health made the easy decision to install...
prescription

Study: Narcotic Script Has a 95% Chance of Running Out on a Weekend

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DURHAM, NC – Researchers at Duke University have discovered that a typical 30-day supply of Vicodin or Percocet has a 95.3% chance of running...