CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving
ATLANTA, GA - Ahead of Thanksgiving, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued a new blood gravy content (BCG) chart, reminding...
Millions of Americans Battling Panic Disorder, Forgot to Move ‘Elf on the Shelf’ Variant
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has confirmed that a new anxiety syndrome has reached epidemic levels among parents nationwide. Panic Disorder, Forgot to Move...
Tragedy: Mr. Potato Head Takes Own Life by Jumping into Fryer
BROOKLYN, NY - Unable to cope any longer after a lifetime of hospitalizations for recurrent organ detachment, beloved spud, 65-year-old Mr. Potato Head, has...
Due to Late Consult, Psychiatrist Leaves Hospital After 3 PM
Psychiatry resident Dr. David Smith left the hospital around 3:30pm today, after arriving at about 11 am. At press time Dr. Smith could not...
Astrological Signs Predict What Kind of Patient You Are
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — An assembly of doctors who keep notes about the behavior of their patients grouped by astrological sign has released its...
Hypochondriacs Try to Cope with Pandemic: It’s Not Going So Wel
SICKLERVILLE, NJ—Local hypochondriac, Emma Dyne, is not taking any chances with the coronavirus pandemic. For the last month, the 25-year-old healthy woman has worn...
Patient with Munchausen Syndrome Disappointed to Develop actual Disease
The sixth-floor inpatient medical ward, a normally bustling wing of the J. Hoffa Memorial Hospital, became decidedly more somber today. The etiology lay in...
Hospital Hires Retired Drug-Sniffing K9s as Pet Therapists, Dramatic Reduction of Shady Patients, Visitors...
COLUMBIA, SC - In an applauded and creative move last month, administration at Our Lady of the Mixed Connective Tissue Disorder Hospital (OLMCTDH) decided to...
Avoiding Sexual Harassment Charges on the Job
With the arrest of a prominent emergency medicine physician in Manhattan for the alleged sexual abuse of patients in his care, it’s more important...
Medical Student Induces Auto-Dystonia from Over-Nodding
MADISON, WI - A new case report in the journal American College of Higher Education (ACHE) describes the first known case of self-induced auto-dystonia...