Psychiatry

psychiatry resident

Due to Late Consult, Psychiatrist Leaves Hospital After 3 PM

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Psychiatry resident Dr. David Smith left the hospital around 3:30pm today, after arriving at about 11 am.  At press time Dr. Smith could not...
bed control

Fanduel to Debut Betting on Drunk ED Patients’ Alcohol Levels

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Popular daily fantasy sports betting site Fanduel announced today that they will soon be branching out into a new gambling,...

Hospital Pilots Pet Therapy with Black Bears, Grizzlies

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VALHALLA, NY - Hospital administrators at Westchester Medical Center are piloting a new pet therapy program using service animals - black bears and grizzlies,...

Borderline, Bipolar, and Depression Combined into One Diagnosis to Make Psychiatrist’s Lives Even Easier

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CHICAGO, IL - In an unprecedented update to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, three previous separate diagnostic categories will be collapsed...
icu pumps

American Geriatrics Association Publishes Guidelines on Gomeritis

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The American Geriatrics Association has finally published its guidelines on gomeritis, a complex entity caused by the progressive deterioration of a gomerular brain.  A...

Hospital’s New ‘Therapy Monkey’ Program Met with Mixed Reviews

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AURORA, CO – Three weeks after its launch, an innovative new ‘Therapy Monkey’ program at Children’s Hospital Colorado is being met with mixed reviews....
elf on shelf

Millions of Americans Battling Panic Disorder, Forgot to Move ‘Elf on the Shelf’ Variant

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ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has confirmed that a new anxiety syndrome has reached epidemic levels among parents nationwide.  Panic Disorder, Forgot to Move...

Hospital Approves Giving Parents Medication Before Children’s Surgery

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HOUSTON, TX - Last week, Children's General Hospital approved a new medication protocol to assist children undergoing surgical procedures.  Anxiolytic medication, such as midazolam,...

Valium Advent Calendar Being Tested by Local Pharmaceutical Company

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SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Parents will be able to count down the days until Christmas in a much more soothing manner this season. A...

Move Over Pain Score….the Crazy Score is Here!

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Given the overarching success of the Pain Score leading to the opioid crisis, The Joint Commission (for Healthcare Absurdity) has now added the sixth...