Saturday, January 2, 2021

Psychiatry

dilaudid gastroparesis

Drug Seeker Fills Entire Emesis Bucket with Noise Before Receiving Dilaudid

104
DAYTONA BEACH, FL - Deborah Samson, a 47-year-old non-diabetic drug seeker with a terrible but mysterious case of opioid-induced abdominal pain, was forced last week to languish for approximately 25 minutes before receiving the parenteral...
skull fracture

Depressed Skull Fracture Patient Started on Zoloft Drip, Psychiatry Referral

16
ALBINA, OR - An area resident covering the ED recently treated a patient with chief complaint of "depressed skull fracture," by prescribing IV sertraline and paging the psychiatry resident.  Brought in by paramedics late...
Trapped physician

Guest Delighted to Meet Physician at Party, Discusses Medical Symptoms for a Soul-Crushing 45...

11
CHARLOTTE, NC - Last week at a cocktail party, a local woman was thrilled to learn that a another guest was a practicing internist.  "I've got to meet him!" Sandy Rosenbleeth confided to her long-time...

Psychiatrist Joins WWE and Puts Opponent in a Mental Health Hold

0
LUBBOCK, TX – Finally fed up with all the bullying he was receiving from general surgeons, Dr. Froyd abandoned his post as Consultation-Liaison Psychiatrist at Lubbock General Hospital for a more lucrative career in...

Physician Recruitment Ad Statements and What They Really Mean

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Ad text Actual meaning Established medical center is a state of the art, modern, newly renovated hospital   The MRI works 12 hours out of the week, and the cost of that new fountain in the lobby will...

The Days of Limitless “Allergies” Are Numbered

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WASHINGTON, DC - Americans have always enjoyed the right to have a limitless numbers of allergies, but after new CMS guidelines were approved this week, all patients will be limited to a maximum of 3...
zdoggmd

‘Butthurt by ZDoggMD’ Added as New ICD-10 Diagnosis

0
LAS VEGAS, NV - Emergency departments everywhere have been experiencing a new epidemic sweeping into their triage rooms recently.  Diagnosis: Butthurt.  That’s right, butthurt in the mental sense, not physical.  The magnitude of the...
tangent

Patient Goes on Tangent About Sines & Cosines

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ATLANTA, GA - Though primary care physician (PCP) Evelyn Waters asked patient Phillip Rose how he was doing with lifestyle changes in regards to his metabolic syndrome, the patient has instead gone off on...

‘I’m Never Going to Drink Again’ Uttered by 40 Million Americans New Year’s Morning

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - The FDA estimates that over 40 million Americans will utter the phrase “I’m never going to drink again” on New Year’s morning.  Typically the phrase will be slurred while holding hands...
bed control

Fanduel to Debut Betting on Drunk ED Patients’ Alcohol Levels

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Popular daily fantasy sports betting site Fanduel announced today that they will soon be branching out into a new gambling, er….gaming…. arena. Starting in February, Fanduel will be offering real-time...