Philadelphia Area Hospital Announces Program to House Homeless in Resident Call Rooms
PHILADELPHIA, PA - This summer, the board of Philadelphia City University Hospital (PCUH) plan to start moving the area's homeless population into permanent housing in the resident call rooms, which they say will keep...
Charmin Profits As July Interns Sh*t Themselves
GREEN BAY, WI - Proctor & Gamble's toilet paper brand Charmin expects to see profits soar throughout July as new interns flood hospitals in a blazing mess of ineptitude and start sh*tting themselves with reckless abandon.
"The...
Match Applicants Shocked to Find Med School Personal Statement Was Legally Binding
In a stunning reversal of fortune, fourth-year medical students around the country are reacting to the shocking news that their medical school admission essays penned some four years prior were, in fact, legally-binding contracts...
Attending Does NOT Agree with Intern’s Plan as Noted Above
AUBURN, AL - “This is absolute horsesh*t,” said family medicine attending Renata Bellows, as she read over her intern’s progress note. “This is terrible. So terrible.” She shook her head over and over again...
STAT Officially Means “Maybe”
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Ever wonder why your 8 AM stat blood draw hasn’t been done even though it’s now 7 PM the next day? Now we know. Earlier this morning the Institute of Phlebotomy...
Housestaff Restricted to 6000 Steps Per Day
In an effort to balance resident wellness and service, the ACGME (Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education) has formally recommended limiting all housestaff to 6000 per steps school. In recent years, ACGME has recommended...
Study: Length of D/C Summary Inversely Proportional to Length of Stay (LOS)
BETHESDA, MD - A landmark study conducted by the National Institute of Documentation (NID) has proven once and for all the length of a discharge summary is inversely proportional to a given patient's length of...
Monday Medicine Rounds Finish Just In Time for Tuesday Medicine Rounds
PHILADELPHIA, PA – With record-setting efficiency, the internal medicine team here at St. Agnes Hospital whipped through their Monday morning rounds at a breakneck pace this week, managing to complete them with a full...
Urology Resident Leaves Husband After Sizing Up the Competition
WHITE PLAINS, NY - Unfortunately we have to report on another sad tale of how graduate medical education can take a toll on families. It seems that Dr. Sylvia Smythe, a first-year urology resident, has filed for...
Residency Program Biopsied, Found to Be Malignant
BOSTON, MA - After undergoing biopsy last week at the insistence of several concerned fourth-year medical students who matched at its program, Pathology has just finalized its report, declaring that the Internal Medicine Residency...
