The Updated Hippocratic Oath for Health Care Professionals

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I swear by Epic Hyperspace, by eCW, by Allscripts, by AthenaHealth, and by all the Coders and Accountants, making them my witnesses, that I...
medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire infectious enthusiasm

Adorbs! Med Student Thinks CAGE Questionnaire Has to Do with Pets

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MIAMI, FL - Today during bedside rounds first-year medical student Eric Smiley was asked what he could tell the team about the CAGE questionnaire. ...
medical student

Attractive Medical Student Only Gets ‘High Pass’

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - An attractive third-year medical student, Layla Maloney, is garnering much attention after receiving only a “high pass” in her Medicine clerkship. ...
iv pca infusion pump WiFi

Study: Doctors Can’t Operate an IV Infusion Pump Even If Life Depended On It

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BALDWIN, NY - A new study in the New England Journal of Alaris (NEJA) confirmed something we knew all along: doctors can't operate an IV...
joint commission

Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity

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OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission believes that when a patient has “20 out of 10 pain” it isn’t the patient’s fault, it’s...
excited medical students

Year-End Bonuses to be Paid Entirely in Educational Experience

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Tampa, FL - For hospital CEO John Stevens, 2018 was a great year. Profits reached an all time high, and his board members had...
nrmp residency match

It’s a Match! Tinder to Replace NRMP Match in Residency Programs

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BOSTON, MA – With an increasing number of medical school seniors applying for The Match each year, residency programs have admittedly been looking for a...
champagne tap cava

Not Quite: Intern Claims Champagne Tap After Sticking Bottle of Moët & Chandon

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BOSTON, MA - An intern’s initial excitement was quickly reeled in after his team pointed out that sticking a spinal needle through cork of...

Overbearing Senior Resident Unaware of Own Skill in Alienating Others

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The first day of Marcella Wallace’s dermatology rotation quickly went downhill when she was exposed to Dr. H. William Wellington-Rothschild, Jr. “Call me Chaz, everyone...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: The Adjective of Pus is ‘Purulent,’ Not ‘P**sy’

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ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued an important reminder to healthcare providers today, reminding them once and...