baywatch cpr

Surgical Chief Resident Calls for ‘Baywatch CPR’ on the 98-Year-Old Nursing Home Patient Admitted...

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As the first wave of respondents to the “code blue” call arrived at the 7 North nursing station, Dr. Stephanie Smith was overheard saying,...
surgeon biopsy malignant fusion

Residency Program Biopsied, Found to Be Malignant

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BOSTON, MA - After undergoing biopsy last week at the insistence of several concerned fourth-year medical students who matched at its program, Pathology has...
post call resident

Resident workforce devastated by excessive wellness initiatives

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It was a gruesome scene in the medical resident workroom at Boston Health Alliance today. Amidst the grueling work hours, exploding COVID census, and...
joint commission

Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity

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OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission believes that when a patient has “20 out of 10 pain” it isn’t the patient’s fault, it’s...

Report: Essential Hypertension, Not at All Essential

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PITTSBURGH, PA - Scientists discovered Wednesday that essential hypertension is not at all essential for life.  "We were totally wrong when we discovered hypertension,"...
pinecones

Wilderness Medicine Residency Approved by ACGME, Offers to Pay Trainees in Pine Cones

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BURLINGTON, VT - Enter the profession of wilderness medicine – every closeted survivalist’s dream come true and a quaint throwback to an era where it was...
medical white coat

Resident’s White Coat Shortened in New Public Shaming Tactic

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HOUSTON, TX - In an imaginative new tactic to publicly shame his residents, orthopedic surgeon Dr. Scott Winslow has started reducing the length of his...
work burnout

FDA approves first novel drug to treat medical burnout

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TWISP, WA - The US Food and Drug Administration today approved Peaceaudi (Idongivafumab) injection for intravenous use for the treatment of medical burnout. “Medical burnout...

ER’s New Dilaudid Salt Lick, Admissions Down 90%

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SACRAMENTO, CA - Sutter Health System is changing the game.  In a world of overcrowded ERs and the inability to triage efficiently, new innovations...
foot mouth

Podiatry & ENT Take July Intern to OR to Surgically Remove Foot from Mouth

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - In a classic July intern move that would make Scrubs' Dr. Elliot Reid proud, intern Timothy Wilcox accidentally insulted a woman by asking...