CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...
Couple watching TV

Debtflix: View School Debt On-Demand Anytime, Anywhere

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LOS GATOS, CA - Netflix, a leading provider of subscription-based on-demand streaming media to over 70 million people worldwide, revealed a new service called...

What Kind of Signout Do You Give to Your Incoming Colleagues?

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Navigating the different styles of checkout can be tough. We’ve got you covered with a breakdown of some of the most common checkout personalities. •...
female doctor

Resident is “Finally Free” as She is Sentenced to Jail

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DALLAS, TX - Olga J. Sampson, a second-year surgical resident, is finally free.  She was sentenced yesterday to three months of jail time following her...

Overdose Victim Mutters ‘Don’t Give Me Narcan’ as Medics Arrive on the Scene

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SEATTLE, WA - Emergency medical services (EMS) told reporters yesterday that they received another call to Ned Smith’s residence, a local ER frequent flyer, after neighbors...
surgeon tired fusion

Whoops! Sleepy On-Call Resident Checked on Crashing Patient in Her Dream

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SLEEPY HOLLOW, NY—Amidst a barrage of serious allegations from hospital staff that, during a recent overnight on-call shift, she neglected a nurse’s request to...
tips for patients

Annual Patient Symposium Publishes Top 10 Tips for New Patients

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Here are some great tips to drive the residents taking care of you absolutely crazy! 1.     Start by talking about your chronic pain. Even...
geriatric patient survived

Geriatric Patient Miraculously Survives a 4-Day Weekend in the Hospital

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NORTH PLATTE, NE - It was a true Christmas miracle for geriatric patient, Alfred Dwindles, when he found himself alive and without significant healthcare-induced...

Brand New Futile Care Fellowship Created

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BOARDMAN, OH - St. Margaret Medical Center released news Thursday that a new cutting-edge fellowship training program would start. Dr. Peg Trachenline couldn’t hide her...

Medical Student Accidentally Pimps Orthopedic Surgeon

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NEW YORK, NY - In what is being called a “total collapse of the medical training hierarchy,” third-year medical student Jennifer Hutchinson of University Medical...