hopscotch

Study: Hopscotch Leading Cause of Hip Fractures in Elderly

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BOSTON, MA - A byproduct of the children's game that has become an inexplicable epidemic among our baby boomers, a study newly published in the New England Journal of Bones has once again named...

Starbucks Offering Frappuccino Drips for a Limited Time

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SEATTLE, WA - To help mitigate caffeine withdrawal in its hospitalized customers, Starbucks will be partnering with inpatient pharmacies for a limited time to provide Frappuccino drips and infusions to those who need it...
orthopedic surgeon orthopedics orthopaedics

Ortho Consults Medicine to See if It’s Spelled Orthopedics or Orthopaedics

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BOSTON, MA - Unable to settle a decades-long debate amongst themselves, orthopods at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) have swallowed their pride and consulted their internal medicine colleagues to help them spell their speciality: is...
Fogo de Gout

Branding Transparency: Fogo de Chão Renames Itself Fogo de Gout

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DALLAS, TX - In an effort to increase transparency to its loyal customers, the beloved Brazilian steakhouse, Fogo de Chão, has announced it will rebrand and rename itself the more accurate Fogo de Gout. "People come...
N95 99 negative AFB sputums

Doc Takes Chance on Ill-Fitting Small N95 Mask Since Finding Regular One Requires Effort

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - After briefly weighing the risks and benefits of using an ill-fitting small N95 mask that's already there versus trying to search the ward for the right-sized regular one before entering into...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends 168 Hours of Extreme Exercise Per Week

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ATLANTA, GA - Ready for a sweat, America?  In a long overdue and much anticipated update to its 2008 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) officially recommends...
medical student nodding

Zuckerberg Survives 10 Hours of Questions from First-Year Medical Student

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg survived 10 hours of questions, this time at the hands of first-year Georgetown medical student Savannah Hilton as she struggled to piece together a complete medical history...

A Breakup Letter to the Z-Pack

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Dear Z-Pack, We’ve had a good run together. But, my dearest azithromycin, it is time for us to end our love affair. It’s not you. It’s me. When I met you, I thought you were the...
drape first class coach

Unable to Resist, Anesthesia Places Drape Between First Class, Coach

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DELTA 2350 - Unable to resist the temptation any longer, passenger and anesthesiologist Ryan Grossman delved into his carry-on bag, took out a freshly-pressed drape, and proceeded to place it between first class and...