Thursday, March 28, 2024

Eminem Conference Brings Together Morbidity, Mortality & Hip-Hop

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DETROIT, MI - Yesterday’s sold-out Eminem conference at Detroit Medical Center went down as one of the greatest lunchtime conferences in history, with American rapper, songwriter, and producer Eminem showing off his lyrical chops...
patient survey

Nurses, Doctors Fight Back with New Health Care Practitioner Satisfaction Surveys

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NEW YORK, NY - Sick and tired of the unfair nature of patient satisfaction surveys that puts service above disease management, a multidisciplinary team of doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, and physician assistants at New...

Discharged Patient on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Spotted at Local Grocery Store

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BALTIMORE, MD – 63-year-old Clarence Deeters was recently discharged from Mercy Hospital after being admitted and treated for urosepsis.  While in the hospital for over 8 days, he was placed on contact precautions due to...
icd-10 quiz

ICD-10 Primer, Lesson 6: OMG Codes

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Shockingly, the first week of the ICD-10 era has not been smooth, which is why the ICD-10 committee astutely created the OMG codes: a set of codes dedicated solely to healthcare practitioners and the...
hell

Dr. Oz & Joy Behar Birth Devil Offspring, Hell is Near

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THE NINTH CIRCLE, HELL - In a frightening development, it has been reported that Dr. Oz & Joy Behar, two of television’s most reviled cancers by health care practitioners, have reproduced and given birth...
ophthalmology

Ophthalmologists Report Hindsight More Like 20/80

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Top ophthalmologists announced this week that hindsight, long thought to be 20/20, is actually much closer to 20/80.  “This is a surprise to all of us,” announced David Parke, President...
upset mother

Mother Furious With OB Nurse Who Mispronounced Her Baby’s Name

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PORTLAND, OR - "Simply Outrageous!"  Those were comments on a patient survey card by a mother regarding an OB nurse at Mercy Care Hospital yesterday on the 6th floor.  The nurse is being charged with mispronouncing the mother’s newborn...
cbc

CBC To Be Replaced By Cheaper Incomplete Blood Count

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NASHVILLE, TN - Looking to save a few dollars here and there in order to hire more hospital administrators, leadership at Nashville Medical Center (NMC) will replace the "overused and overpriced" complete blood count (CBC) with...

Charmin Profits As July Interns Sh*t Themselves

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GREEN BAY, WI - Proctor & Gamble's toilet paper brand Charmin expects to see profits soar throughout July as new interns flood hospitals in a blazing mess of ineptitude and start sh*tting themselves with reckless abandon. "The...