Thursday, June 24, 2021
med students drop out

Med Students Have All the Tools to Drop Out Before It’s Too Late

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the current uncertain health care climate and emphasizing that the "time is now," both the American Medical Association (AMA) and American Medical Student Association (AMSA) have announced that med students have...
malingerer map

New Dora the Malingerer Series to Win Over Canceled Doc McStuffins Fans

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ORLANDO, FL - Children and health care practitioners worldwide are still reeling after the forced resignation of Doc McStuffins.  Though Disney’s spin-off Admin McBriefcase is set to debut soon, Nickelodeon has its sights set...
nurse eye roll

Breaking News: Nurse’s Eyes Get Stuck After Aggressive Eye Roll

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ORLANDO, FL - Beth Stanfield, a middle-aged nurse, was transported to the ophthalmology department earlier today when her eyes got stuck in an aggressive eye roll.  Colleagues reported that the veteran nurse had just...

Orthopaedic Surgeons Attempting to “Re-learn” ICU Things 🤦‍♂️

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San Diego, CA - In light of the ongoing COVID19 Pandemic, physicians of all walks of life are preparing to be called upon to work outside of their comfort areas. Orthopaedic surgeons...
femur fracture

Soccer Mom Heals Femur Fracture with Herbs, Essential Oils

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ORANGE, CA - Mrs. Stephanie Holmestown experienced what all parents fear while watching their kids play sports; her eleven-year-old son Andrew collided with another player during a soccer game, fell to the ground holding his...
chapped lips hot mess express

Patient Formally Diagnosed as Acute on Chronic Hot Mess

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SANTA FE, NM - After a battery of laboratory tests, radiographic imaging, and subspecialty consultations, a team of health care professionals has formally diagnosed their medically complex patient as an acute on...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for Prescribing Opioids for Chronic Pain," citing new data analysis from...
respiratory ventilator attachment

New Ventilator Attachment Safely Allows Smoking While Receiving Oxygen

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CHARLOTTE, NC - Bronco Products, Inc. is pleased to announce its revolutionary new ventilation product.  PapPal is an amazingly simple device that allows those on mechanical ventilation, CPAP, BiPAP, or any oxygen delivery device...
doctor

Universal Admission Template for a Drug Seeker

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Chief Complaint: Abdominal pain or pain due to condition that doesn’t cause pain. History of Present Illness: This is a really, really annoying patient with a given age and sex presenting with an acute exacerbation of a...
morgue

Hospital Morgue Morning Rounds Initiated After Family Insists Patient “is a Fighter”

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CODVILLE, CT — Following a 211-day stay at St. Rodger’s Medical Center ICU, including two weeks of uninterrupted asystolic cardiac arrest, patient Joseph Smith, 96, was transferred to the hospital morgue after being deemed...