Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’

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NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest...
INR 0 ENT

Interventional Radiology To Only Do Procedures if INR < 0

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OAK BROOK, IL - In an effort to completely eliminate the risk of bleeding, newly-issued guidelines from the Radiological Society of North America (RSNA)...
doc mcstuffins

Reality Star Doc McStuffins Opens Up About Physician Burnout

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ALBANY, NY - A stack of unfinished charts.  Overturned juice boxes.  An exhausted young physician, asleep on her desk, is awoken suddenly by her...
foley catheter

Clumsy Intern Keeps Tripping Over Patients’ Foley Catheters

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BOULDER, CO - Patients, nurses, and urologists at Boulder Medical Center are starting to lose patience with intern Willie Johnson, who despite being incredibly...
dr. oz

Mehmet Oz Stripped of Medical Degree, Now Just ‘Med Student Oz’

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - Television quack and cardiothoracic surgeon Mehmet Oz has been stripped of his medical degree (MD) by the University of Pennsylvania School...
Jason

New Surgical Jason Masks Loved by Nurses, Doctors

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CRYSTAL LAKE - Nurses, doctors, and other health care practitioners across the nation have announced their overwhelming support for the newly-redesigned surgical masks or Jason...

An Internist’s Guide to the Description of Rashes

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Dermatologic conditions and rashes can be hard to describe.  Don't have time to refresh on those terms?  Don't you fret!  Rather than ask a...
trump

Trump University School of Medicine Now Accepting Applications!

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Donald J. Trump and all of the Trump Organization LLC invite you to enroll in the inaugural class of the Donald J. Trump School...
injection

New Narcan Reversal Agent, NarCANT, Hits the Market

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CHICAGO, IL - After years of having their days ruined by jackwad paramedics and God-complexed ER nurses, opioid addicts everywhere rejoiced today at the...
orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

Breaking: Winning Word at Ortho Spelling Bee is “WBAT”

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TIBIAL PLAINS, PA - Defeating over 300 of the country’s best-spelling orthopods, Jimmy “Jackhammer” Jameson has claimed the coveted title of American Ortho Spelling Bee...