Neck Fusion Gone Awry: Carried Away, Neurosurgeon Fuses All 206 Bones
NASHVILLE, TN - Admitting enthusiasm got the best of her, Vanderbilt neurosurgeon Dr. Elle Hardwire got carried away with an anterior cervical discectomy and fusion (ACDF) surgery and fused all 206 bones in her...
Breaking: Mr. Peanut Allergic to Himself
PITTSBURGH, PA - Unfortunate news today as the Kraft Heinz Company announced that one of its most beloved mascots, Planters' Mr. Peanut, has been diagnosed with a peanut allergy.
"This is a very unusual case...
That Can’t Be Good: Flu Swab Positive for C. Diff
ATLANTA, GA - In a highly-ominous sign suggesting this year's influenza season may be as bad or even worse than last year's, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has reported that an...
Pathologist Makes Patient NPO After Midnight for Autopsy in the Morning
NASHVILLE, TN - In an effort to minimize aspiration and prevent any further delays in management, forensic pathologist Dr. Jason Martin has made his deceased patient NPO after midnight for possible autopsy in the...
93% of New England Journals Are Rolled Up & Used to Kill Flies
BOSTON, MA - Maybe don't throw away all those unread New England Journals just yet: A study published in this month's issue of the New England Journal of Medicine found that 92.7% of New...
Inevitable Really: Batman Diagnosed with Histoplasmosis
GOTHAM CITY - Saying that it is pretty remarkable that he even went this long without catching it, doctors at Gotham City Medical Center (GCMC) have diagnosed DC superhero Batman with acute pulmonary histoplasmosis. ...
Mix-Up Gives Alcoholic Patient Banana Bread, Not Banana Bag
MARIETTA, GA - An inpatient pharmacy mix-up has led to a patient with alcohol withdrawal accidentally receiving banana bread instead of a banana bag, which has at least left him pleasantly surprised if not...
New DSM to Classify Hearing Diastolic Murmur as an Auditory Hallucination
DUBUQUE, IA - Following a growing number of reports on the deteriorating mental health among doctors, the American Psychiatric Association decided to tackle the issue through the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical...
Impressive: Radiologist’s 25-Hydroxyvitamin D Level is -400 ng/ml
SOMEWHERE IN THE HOSPITAL BASEMENT WHERE THERE IS NOTHING BUT TOTAL DARKNESS AND BATS - Radiologist Christopher Jett-Black impressed his peers today by telling them his recently-checked 25-hydroxyvitamin D was less than zero. It was...
Hospital Administration Cuts Corners by Hiring Illiterate Medical Scribes
BALTIMORE, MD - Always brainstorming innovative ways to improve the bottom line, hospital administrators at the Johns Hopscotch Hospital had what they described as a "major epiphany" earlier this week, and have started hiring illiterate...