Average American Healthcare Consumer Believes Death is Curable
ATLANTA, GA - According to a new study published in the Annals of External Medicine (AEM), it is reported that the average American health care consumer (AAHC) believes both death and disability are curable...
Hospital Hires Psychic to Track Pathologists’ Patient Satisfaction
LONG ISLAND, NY - Recent trends in the business of medicine have focused on the patient as the center of care. Accordingly, patient satisfaction scores have become the most valued metric to many hospital administrators,...
Joint Commission Shuts Down McStuffins Clinic for Violations
BURBANK, CA - Just on the heels of an amazing comeback, the Disney Channel has now stopped patient care operations in the backyard playhouse clinic of Dottie “Doc” McStuffins after a Joint Commission audit revealed myriad...
Physician Signs Out Patient Census and Pager, Has Slight Orgasm
ORLANDO, FL - After having one of the toughest weeks in her professional career as a hospitalist during which she had a census of no fewer than 20 patients each day due to the...
Dramatic ‘Code Placement’ Captured on Tape
AUSTIN, TX - In breaking news, GomerBlog has received word of a dramatic “Code Placement” captured on tape on Unit 4E at Austin Medical Center yesterday afternoon. In this chilling transcript below, a heroic...
EMS Now Being Dispatched to Transport Satisfaction Surveys
HUNTERSVILLE, NC - Last week, emergency medical crews accepted a new challenge in this suburban North Carolina community. At the behest of health care administrators who decided that patient satisfaction data collection is "the...
Jealous of Nurses Week, Hospital Administrators Plan to Create Administrators Week
ATLANTA, GA - Jealous of all the attention registered nurses (RNs) have received during Nurses Week, hospital administrators nationwide are hoping to create an Administrators Week to celebrate their contributions to healthcare. Though hospital...
Alternate Phrases for “This is a Very Pleasant…”
It’s not uncommon to start a history of present illness (HPI), assessment, or discharge summary with the following phrase: This is a very pleasant… and then go on to say 30-year-old male, 54-year-old female,...
Patient Looks Forward to Getting Admitted & Refusing Everything a Hospital Can Offer
ATLANTA, GA - For the third time this month and tenth time this year, Jason Reynolds, a 54-year-old male with epic levels of noncompliance, looks forward to getting admitted once again and being a...
Commentary: Percocet Doesn’t Work for Me Because It Has Tylenol, and Tylenol Doesn’t Help...
Thanks but no thanks. Percocet (oxycodone/acetaminophen) doesn’t work for me. Why? Isn’t it obvious? You’re the one with the medical degree and you don’t even know? Well let me explain it to you. Percocet...