Hospitals Unleash New, Brutally Honest Slogans
NEW YORK, NY - Forget the days of the compassionate and uplifting slogans like “A Passion for Healing,” “Because Your Life Matters,” or “Every Day, a New Discovery.” With record numbers of nurses and...
TSA to Start Screening for Colorectal Cancer at Airports
ATLANTA, GA – U.S. government officials said on Thursday that they would start screening patients for unintentional weight loss and bloody stools, starting with Hartsfield-Jackson International (ATL) airport this coming weekend, in an effort...
Amidst Obesity Epidemic, Task Force Creates Glasgow Food Coma Scale
ATLANTA, GA - In response to the public health crisis of food comas resulting from the ongoing obesity epidemic, the 3N Joint Task Force, which is comprised of several of the nation’s leading experts...
Surgeon Time Finally Debunked with New App
"How much longer?" anesthesia will ask. "Only about an hour or so," a typical surgeon might answer. Then anesthesia is forced to ask themselves, "Does that mean 2 hours? Maybe longer? Maybe shorter? Are...
Cardiology Highlights in 2014
Thirteenfold Therapy Increases Bleeding in Patients with Active Bleeding
With the proliferation of antithrombotic agents available for the treatment of conditions like acute coronary syndrome, atrial fibrillation, and venous thromboembolism, there has been increased confusion...
Clumsy OB/GYN Intern Fumbles a Record 11 Babies
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Ham-handed OB/GYN intern, Leanna “Butterfingers” McCoy, set a new hospital record at MetLife Medical Center yesterday with a record 11 baby fumbles during a single 12-hour shift, breaking the previous record...
Michael Kors Designs Surgical Gown Line for Spring
From couture gowns to handbags, and now to surgical gowns, there's no telling what Michael Kors will do next.
The plain paper or fabric surgical gown has been an untouched staple since it's beginning. No...
Record Number of Medical Providers Creating Gifts Using Things Around the Hospital
ATLANTA, GA - With Christmas right around the corner, you would think medical providers far and wide are scrambling to find and wrap presents for their family and friends, especially if they are working...
Rectal Tone of Anesthesiologists Varies with Patients’ Oxygen Saturation
BERLIN, GERMANY - A new and controversial study out of the esteemed Higginstein Community Surgery Center describes a curious phenomenon regarding rectal tone of anesthesiologists in response to the oxygen saturations of their patients.
Noted researcher...
North Korea Hacks ER Pyxis Machines Nationwide, Renders Them Unable to Dispense Dilaudid
WASHINGTON, DC - The White House has announced that North Korea has successfully hacked yet another electronic staple of American life – the drug-dispensing Pyxis machines. Americans were recently outraged and appalled when Sony Pictures...