Ask Alternative Medicine Doctors About Ebola
Complimentary and alternative medicine roundtable: Each installment of this section, we invite our readers to send us questions that are pertinent to their health, to be answered by experts in alternative fields of medicine.
Dear...
20 Out of 10 Medical Providers Annoyed by Patients’ Misuse of Pain Scales
ATLANTA, GA - According to a new study by the Centers for Pain Control & Other Nonsense (CPCON), a whopping 20 out of 10 medical providers are annoyed by the gross and exaggerated misuse...
Cookie Monster in Critical Condition Due to Diabetic Complications
SESAME STREET - Children around the world awoke from sleepy-time to the stunning news that Cookie Monster is battling for his life in the intensive care unit at Sesame Street University Hospital (SSUH) with diabetic...
Bed-Bound, Demented 89-Year-Old Successfully Resuscitated, Discharged to Wallow in Own Excrement at Nursing Home
GREENSBORO, NC - A team of physicians, nurses, and support staff is being lauded for its efforts in saving the life of Jasper Billings, 89, after he presented in septic shock last month to...
Styrofoam Cup Outperforms Crappy Disposable Stethoscope
ABSTRACT
Given the increased proliferation of multidrug resistant (MDR) microorganisms, it is considered standard of care to use patient-dedicated, disposable, or “crappy” stethoscopes to prevent transmission from patients in contact isolation to other nearby patients...
Las Vegas Hospital Expands into Luxury Resort and Casino
LAS VEGAS, NV - In a bold new plan to increase hospital revenue streams, hospital administrators at Las Vegas Medical Center have teamed up with MGM Resorts International to expand and convert the Level II...
Medical Schools to Replace Curriculum with Year-Long Course in ICD-10 and E&M Coding
In a visionary statement, the deans of ten of this nation’s top medical schools, including four Ivy League schools announced today that they are replacing their schools’ entire 3rd-year curriculum with an intensive year-long...
ER Nurses Holding Unplaced Inpatients Cheer Whenever ‘Code Blue’ Called Overhead
ZIP CITY, AL - After a record breaking week of admissions via the ER and an increase in scheduled outpatient procedures, St. Bertram Hospital in Zip City, Alabama has been bursting at the seams, with...
Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large
GASTONIA, NC - Following an all-too-familiar recent theme, a new patient was assaulted last week by a psychotic spider rampaging through the South.
Earl Wayne Thompson, 31, presented to Our Lady of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy...
Updated 2015 ACLS Algorithm
ACLS KEY BELOW:
* Medical Team Confused as Patient Made DNR Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays
** Joint Commission Mandates Extensive Timeout Prior to Initiating CPR
*** Product Review: Mattel’s Resuscitate Me Elmo
**** New CPR Guidelines Recommend Switching Out...