Citing Principle of Autonomy, AHA Recommends Patients Run Own Codes
ALLAS, TX—A major principle of medical ethics is that of autonomy, which states that patients should be highly involved in decisions regarding their health care. In an effort to better comply with this essential...
Medical Journals Abandon Editorial Standards to Publish 5th Grader’s Book Report
In an unprecedented move medical journals across academia have done away with quality requirements to make data available to physicians on the frontlines as quickly as possible. It began with the International Journal of...
Journal of Urology to be renamed “Balls”
In a controversial move, the American Urological Association (AUA) has changed the name of their prestigious Journal of Urology to Balls. The unanticipated change by the AUA was unveiled without prelude in the latest...
Radiologist no longer calls a spade…a spade
Atlanta, Georgia- A local radiologist, Dr. Crystal Clear is opening up a new world for radiology. Dr. Clear, a radiologist with over 15 years of experience teaching residents is getting them to classify everyday...
Dr. Oz’s Show Set to Return After Study Says His Advice Will Only Kill...
NEW YORK, NY—Dr. Oz’s self-titled talk show, which sadly has been on hiatus due to the coronavirus pandemic, is set to resume tapings immediately after a study in The Lancet concluded that the misinformation...
Coronavirus Tests Positive for Joe Exotic
CHICKASHA, OK—Joe Exotic cannot be stopped. The self-proclaimed “Tiger King,” country musician, master illusionist, former Presidential and gubernatorial candidate, and gun-toting redneck simply cannot be stopped. Not by animal rights activists, not by prison,...
AAOS: Osteoporosis Renamed Bone Failure
“Bone failure. It’s the new hotness. Now let’s start taking it seriously!”
Mystery of Appendix Solved: A Private Space for Horny Bacteria to “Get It On”
INSIDE YOUR APPENDIX—Admit it, when you place your stethoscope (that is, if you even own one) on a patient’s abdomen, you don’t really keep it there long enough to hear bowel sounds, right? Well,...
Covid-19: Newly Released “Contagion 2” Gives People Much-Needed Escape from Reality
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Understanding that Americans desperately need an escape from the non-stop, grim Covid-19 news, Steven Soderbergh, who directed the very popular 2011 original, announced the surprise release of “Contagion 2: Holy Crap, We’re All...
Ortho ORIF’s a Calcified Aorta
Toronto, ON - In a world first, Dr. Chipper has carried out what we’re cautiously calling a successful open reduction and internal fixation (ORIF) of the aorta.
The patient, 58-year-old Joe Paulson was booked for...