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constipation

Joint Commission Creates New ‘Primary Constipation Center’ Certification

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OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - On Monday, the Joint Commission unveiled its new certification aimed at the rapid treatment of constipation. "Constipation affects nearly 4 million...
foley

Medical School Approves 3rd Year Surgical Rotation as Indication for Foley

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IOWA CITY, IA – Carver College of Medicine has taken a bold stance on the need for urinary catheterization to prevent recurrent acute kidney...
troponin bump

The Scourge of Troponipenia

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MIAMI-DADE COUNTY, FL - Hospitalists are going crazy about the pandemic of normal troponins in Miami-Dade.  Jose Fernandez-Rodriguez-Hernandez-Alonso, MD -- “Mrs. Garcia, presented with...
Grand Rounds

Breaking: Grand Rounds Not Particularly Grand Today

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Earlier this morning vascular surgeon Dr. Emma Wexler gave Grand Rounds to her fellow colleagues at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.  Unfortunately...
Stryker drone

Secretary Tom Price Deploys Stryker Drone to Mass Vaccinate America for Flu

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Fresh off ex-fixing the Washington Monument, new Secretary of Health and Human Services and orthopedic surgeon Tom Price has turned his...
doctors lent

What Are Health Care Professionals Giving Up for Lent (By Specialty)?

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General Surgeon: Evidence-based medicine.  “Oh, your tummy hurts?  Well, let’s open you up and take a look, shall we?” Emergency Medicine: Dilaudid.  The screams will...
Hospicillin

FDA Approves Hospicillin for Use in Patients Who are Full Code

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Today the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) approved a powerful new palliative care medication called Hospicillin for use in patients who...
oxidative phosphorylation

Med Student Yammering About Oxidative Phosphorylation, Kill Us Now

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LAS VEGAS, NV - Second-year University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) medical student Karen Weaselsnout-Jones continues to cement her legacy as the most annoying...
anesthesiologist intubate bored anesthesiologist

Warren Beatty, La La Land Blame Oscar Best Picture Mix-Up on Anesthesia

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HOLLYWOOD, CA - In a stunning and unprecedented finish to the Oscars last night, presenters Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway had announced "La La Land"...