Friday, July 3, 2020

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Anesthesiologist, Tired of Intubating in Era of COVID, Decides to Perform CABG Under...

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New York, NY - The era of COVID-19 has pushed the envelope in hospitals across the world, challenging care delivery models and allowing one ventilator to ventilate 600 patients at once. At one New...
obesity

Breaking: Numerical BMI to be Replaced by Pass/Fail

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Atlanta, Georgia - In a surprise announcement that has stunned medical professionals across the country, the Centers for Disease Control has announced that BMI will no longer be reported in a numerical format, and...

Proactive Patient Does Own Admission Orders, H&P

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QUEENS, NY - In one of the best examples in recent memory of medical self-ownership, a proactive patient not only sought medical attention but also did his own admission orders and H&P...
elderly lady

100-Year-Old Finally Ready for Discharge from NICU

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CENTENNIAL, CO—Yesterday, a 1200-month-old newborn, Sandy Genarian, was finally discharged from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of Centennial Medical Center, where he has been hospitalized for the last century. Successfully weaned off the ventilator,...

EMRs Merge in Bid for World Domination

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Physicians and Hospital Administrators awoke to a brave new world this morning. The Mainframe Computers and the thousands of Servers loyal to the CERNER and EPIC EHR platforms secretly and independently merged overnight in...

Hospitals forced to tap their strategic reserves of breast augmentation supplies

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For the past several weeks, the Covid 19 pandemic has had a devastating affect on the citizens of the entire world. No one has been more negatively impacted than our nations celebrities. Without access to...
dialysis machine ATM machine

Nephrologists Propose Getting Rid of Sunday to Fit Dialysis Schedule Better

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WASHINGTON, DC—Most people enjoy their Sundays—a day off to relax, enjoy a boozy brunch with friends, watch football—but for hemodialysis patients and the nephrologists who treat them, Sunday is a major inconvenience. Since most...

Ben & Jerry’s Opens Women’s Health Clinic, Offers “Free Cone Biopsy Day”

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SOUTH BURLINGTON, VT—The line outside the new Ben & Jerry’s Women’s Health Clinic extended for at least 3 miles as people waited for the clinic to open its doors for the first time earlier...

EMRs to Begin Adding “Wellness Popups” to Combat Physician Burnout

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Fort Smith, AR - Susan Chatman, COO, APRN, LPN, NEA-BC, CCRN, FAAN, the lead hospital administrator at Mercy Fort Smith, has collaborated with other hospital officials to combat physician burnout in a novel new...

Plastic Surgery Summer Fellowship Teaches Students How to Match Cufflinks with Pocket Watches

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NEW YORK — Students enrolled in the Plastic Surgery Summer Fellowship were surprised when they were instructed via electronic mail not to report to the Medical Center on their first day, but instead to...
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