Monday, August 10, 2020

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Nurses must now wear reflective belts

Hospital Mandates Nurses Wear Yellow Safety Belts While Checking Out Pyxis Medications

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NORFOLK, VA - Hospital administrators want to crack down on medication errors and they are willing to go to any length to do it.  New studies show that many medication errors occur as nurses...
Teratoma

Tooth Fairy Refusing to Take Teeth from a Teratoma

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JACKSONVILLE, FL – Monday, Brittany Friedly underwent surgery to remove a mass on her left ovary.  It was a teratoma that contained hair and 7 gnarly teeth.  “When they told me what was in my tummy, I about...
trauma knife

Trauma Patient with Isolated Stab Wound to Shoulder Can’t Understand Why His $300 Pants...

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WASHINGTON, DC - A trauma patient at Washington Hospital Center became visibly upset in the trauma bay after his $300 pants were cut off with trauma shears.  25-year-old Julius Matterson was in an altercation with his girlfriend at his...
An alcoholic dream

Alcoholic Fills Out Negative Patient Survey for Care Received on Christmas Morning

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - 52-year-old Milton Applewood, a raging alcoholic who visits Holy Cross Hospital on a weekly basis, was appalled at the medical care he received on Christmas morning. “Absolutely trashed,” proclaimed Applewood in...

Twas the Night Before Christmas in the ED

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Twas the night before Christmas, the ED was quiet, Not a creature was stirring, there wasn’t even a riot. The patients slept soundly, so snug in their cots, With some having dreams of free...

Inventor of Slogan ‘Pain is the 5th Vital Sign’ Now Concedes Pain is Actually...

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NEW YORK, NY - Last night, in an emotional interview with Dateline NBC, Lisa Washington, who famously coined the term "Pain is the 5th Vital Sign," conceded that pain is actually not a vital sign. A...

Drug Dealer Makes Seamless Transition to Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

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THE BLOCK, USA - Rarely does a multiple felon make a career comeback - apart from athletes, rappers, bankers, politicians, law enforcement officers, and anyone in the 1% - but retired drug dealer Green Giant recently beat those...

Anesthesiologist Tired of Being Called ‘Anesthesia,’ Decides to Talk in 3rd Person with British...

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BOULDER, CO - Dr. Shelly Druben, a practicing anesthesiologist, is tired of being called "anesthesia" by her coworkers in the operating room. "All the nurses and operating room staff know the surgeon's name and always say Dr....
Joint Commission scissors

Joint Commission Requires More Name Tag Bracelets for Sicker Patients

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PHOENIX, AZ - In an effort to improve patient safety, the Joint Commission (JC) has recommended that sicker ICU patients should have multiple nametag bracelets to help identify patients better.  Apparently, there is a growing trend...

Medical Student Applicant Gets a 23T for MCAT Score, Stresses the T During Interviews

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MONTPILIER, VT - Nathanial Monson, who goes by Nathanial for pretentious purposes, scored a 23T on the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT). The MCAT is a four-part test designed to thin the heard of...
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