Respiratory Techs, Dietitians Enraged Over New Policy Allowing Janitors to Wear White Coats
PORTLAND, OR - A new policy has caused a controversy at a local hospital, with multiple departments banding together against the measure which now allows janitorial services to wear white coats. Starting last month, janitors...
Burnout Cured by Seeing More Patients, Putting in More Hours
HARTFORD, CT - A recent study conducted by the Society of Hospital Administration concluded that the most effective way to cure physician burnout is to see more patients and put in more hours. “We...
Surgeon General Finishes Rounding on 320 Million Americans, Dreads Writing Notes
WASHINGTON, DC - Late last night a very visibly tired Surgeon General of the United States Vivek Murthy finally finished rounding on every American in the United States, a patient list of about 320...
A Hospital Administrator Explains: MIPS
Hey everybody! Are you having a good day? I hope so. How about this fantastic weather we're having? Awesome, hey let’s talk about the cool new Merit-Based Incentive Payment System (MIPS)! This thing is...
Know Your White Coats
The physician white coat comes with a strong sense of entitlement. At $3,000 tuition per square inch, this is the most expensive coat that also carries the distinction of being completely useless in winter. It...
Joint Commission Announces Pyramids of Punishment for Patient Safety Violations
CHICAGO, IL - In a recent press release, the Joint Commission (known as JACHO) announced the implementation of a punishment system for health care providers who violate important patient safety measures. The "Pyramids of...
VIP Treatment Offers Merlot, Pinot Noir as Surgical Prep
MILL VALLEY, CA - As hospitals across the country merge into corporate conglomerates, they lose their identity, much like identical Walmarts taking out Mom and Pop shops, leaving poor residents without the ability to...
Hospital Blocks Election Coverage on TVs: Huge Boost to Healing
KEARNEY, NE - What began as a cable bill cutting measure turned into a real miracle of medicine when the hospital dropped Fox News, CNN and MSNBC channel delivery to patient rooms at Kind...
Hospitals Now Offering Seasonal Pumpkin-Spiced Patient Satisfaction Surveys
BOCA RATON, FL - Hospital administrators at Madre De Díos Medical Center will now offer seasonal pumpkin-spiced patient satisfaction surveys in order to improve survey response rates. "We are so excited to give a...
Colonoscopes Replaced by Plastic Reachers from Home Depot
CHICAGO, IL - Hospital administrators are looking to tighten the pursestrings some more as they look to replace colonoscopes with plastic reachers & grabbers from Home Depot. Gastroenterologists are up in arms.
“I can’t use...