Hospital Administrators Announce Summer Camp Itinerary
To combat falling patient satisfaction scores and record staff turnover administration at Grace Disciple Advent Mother Mary Incarnate Theresa hospital (G-DAMMIT) has scheduled a mandatory Summer Camp for providers.
Team building activities include:
Patient family tug...
Hospital Administrators Rename RNs to ‘Refreshments and Narcotics’
TAMPA, FL - In order to comply with new government healthcare regulations involving patient satisfaction, hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital have decided to rename registered nurses (RNs) to a more appropriate title, “Refreshments and...
Mood Rings Reflect Real Time Patient Satisfaction
COLUMBIA, SC - Due to lagging patient satisfaction scores and frequent complaints, County Hospital administrators are fitting every patient with a mood ring so staff can track patient satisfaction throughout the treatment process at any...
Hospital Administrators Consider Renaming MDs to “Morphine & Dilaudid”
TAMPA, FL - Following the immense success of renaming registered nurses (RNs) to “Refreshments & Narcotics,” hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital (TMCH) are now considering renaming medical doctors (MDs) to something much...
Administrator Says Ideal Hospital Would Have 10,000 Beds, 10,000 Administrators, and Maybe a Few...
NEW YORK, NY - In an interview with the New England Journal of Administration (NEJA), hospital administrator Jason Wilcox stated his vision for the hospital of the future, stating that the ideal hospital would...
Bold Hospital Planning on Operating Over Thanksgiving Weekend Without Hospital Administrators
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ - Reutgers Medical Center recently announced that it may operate this Thanksgiving weekend without any hospital administrators in-house. "We have been practicing trial runs by having an on-call administrator on Saturdays but taking...
Nurses, Doctors Fight Back with New Health Care Practitioner Satisfaction Surveys
NEW YORK, NY - Sick and tired of the unfair nature of patient satisfaction surveys that puts service above disease management, a multidisciplinary team of doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, and physician assistants at New...
Joint Commission Shuts Down McStuffins Clinic for Violations
BURBANK, CA - Just on the heels of an amazing comeback, the Disney Channel has now stopped patient care operations in the backyard playhouse clinic of Dottie “Doc” McStuffins after a Joint Commission audit revealed myriad...
Hospital Administrators Sick of Dealing with Clumsy Nurses and Nursing Injuries
HARTFORD, CT - "Seriously, another back injury claim?" questioned hospital administrator Lawrence Gates. "Why do our clumsy nurses always go and hurt themselves on the job?"
Gates has been burdened with over 38 nursing injuries...
A Modern Hippocratic Oath for Hospital Administrators
Going forward, I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this cost-saving and value-added covenant:
I am an agent of change and will under-appreciate the hard-won scientific gains of those providers...
