Hospital Administrators Consider Renaming MDs to “Morphine & Dilaudid”
TAMPA, FL - Following the immense success of renaming registered nurses (RNs) to “Refreshments & Narcotics,” hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital (TMCH)...
Hospital Administrators Utilizing Twitter $8 Blue Checkmarks for Patient Communication
Hospital administrators at Unitis Healthcare have implemented a new communication system for patients at all of their hospitals in the New England region. Admitted...
Breaking News: “Never Event” Actually Happens
TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, NM - The Quality Initiative (QI) Committee here at Truth of Consequences Medical Center (ToCMC) was astounded by the news today that...
The Joint Commission Unveils New Mandatory Hand Hygiene Checklist
In an earnest effort to remove barriers to hand hygiene and improve the abysmal national hand hygiene rate of 5%, TJC just released a...
Cost-Cutting Savvy: IT Replacing Computer Mice with Real Mice
LOS ANGELES, CA - Health care systems are always implementing innovative new ways to defray costs, and it turns out Los Angeles Medical Center...
Hospital Administrator Gives Partner Post-Coital Satisfaction Survey Out Of Habit
AUSTIN, TEXAS - In the midst of post-coital bliss, hospital administrator Chaz Moneybags asked his sexual partner to fill out a satisfaction survey, purely out...
The Joint Commission Freshens Image, Rebrands Itself ‘The Joint’
OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission announced on Tuesday that in an effort to freshen its image, it will now simply be known...
VIP Treatment Offers Merlot, Pinot Noir as Surgical Prep
MILL VALLEY, CA - As hospitals across the country merge into corporate conglomerates, they lose their identity, much like identical Walmarts taking out Mom...
Monty Python Teaches Us About Birth & Administration
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life came out in 1983. Yet this classic scene, "Part I - The Miracle of Birth," still rings loud and...
Hospital Discontinues MRI Screening Forms, Press-Ganey Scores Soar
In a presentation to the American Association of Gullible Hospital Administrators, Shady Practices Medical Centers reported that as a result of numerous satisfaction surveys,...