Hospital Administrators Consider Renaming MDs to “Morphine & Dilaudid”
TAMPA, FL - Following the immense success of renaming registered nurses (RNs) to “Refreshments & Narcotics,” hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital (TMCH)...
Hospital Administrators Utilizing Twitter $8 Blue Checkmarks for Patient Communication
Hospital administrators at Unitis Healthcare have implemented a new communication system for patients at all of their hospitals in the New England region. Admitted...
Hospital Administrator Gives Partner Post-Coital Satisfaction Survey Out Of Habit
AUSTIN, TEXAS - In the midst of post-coital bliss, hospital administrator Chaz Moneybags asked his sexual partner to fill out a satisfaction survey, purely out...
Nurse Leaves AMA, Administrators To Do Bedside Care
DENVER, CO - On the final day of Nurse’s Week, Jill East, RN was expecting great things from her administration for all her hard...
Meet Dilaudicillin the Groundbreaking New Narcotic/Antibiotic Combo that has Patient Satisfaction Scores Through the...
In the era of Press-Ganey scores, most physicians have finally accepted that they are essentially waiters whose job is to serve the every whim...
The Updated Hippocratic Oath for Health Care Professionals
I swear by Epic Hyperspace, by eCW, by Allscripts, by AthenaHealth, and by all the Coders and Accountants, making them my witnesses, that I...
Hospital CEOs to Take Multi-Million Dollar Pay Cuts to Finance Hazard Pays
Option 1: Just kidding.
Option 2:
Pressed by enormous frustration from medical staff around the country working mandatory overtime in unsafe conditions and with limited PPE,...
Hospital Reimbursement to Reflect Number of Positive Posts on Social Media
Mr. Smith had just been discharged from his local hospital after a 6-day stay for detox, anxiety, failure to thrive, and chronic pain. He...
ER Refuses to End Hospital Shutdown Until IM Agrees to Admit All Drunks
NEW ORLEANS, LA – Tulane Medical Center has shut down the hospital after negotiations between the Emergency Room (ER) and Internal Medicine (IM) failed...
Doctors Mandated to Rub Patients’ Bellies to Improve Patient Satisfaction Scores
PENSACOLA, FL - In an effort to bolster patient satisfaction scores, doctors at Sacred Heart Health System have been mandated to rub patients' bellies, say...