Monday, July 13, 2020
doctor notes DVT PE

Charting is Independent Risk Factor for DVT and PE, Study Finds

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ROCHESTER, MN - Recognizing it is a form of immobilization in which health care professionals are unable to move around much, a study newly published in the Mayo Clinic Proceedings found that charting and documentation in an...
IT password twice computer explodes

IT Update: Enter Wrong Password Twice, Computer Will Explode

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Well, looks like the information technology (IT) department is at it again, this time in San Francisco.  With security breaches at Equifax and Uber making headlines over the past few months,...
appreciating appreciative appreciate

Wow, Hospitalist Appreciating the Hell Outta Everyone in Today’s Progress Note

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DURHAM, NC - In a particularly thankful mood today, hospitalist Poonam Trivedi has really gone all out, appreciating the hell out of everyone today in her progress note. "I really appreciate GI's recs today," Trivedi wrote under the patient's first...
divine intervention NPO after midnight miracle insurance authorization

God, Patient Await Insurance Authorization for Placement into Heaven

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NASHVILLE, TN - Patient Erica Patterson says that "this tunnel" and "white light" are getting old, but Patterson along with the Lord Almighty God, Palliative Care, and Social Services are still waiting on insurance...
rings paper chart aligned

Rings in Paper Chart Not in the Mood to Stay Aligned Today

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ATLANTA, GA - All the metal rings in Room 482A's paper chart are in a particularly bad mood today and don't plan to stay aligned today and probably into the unforeseeable future.  "It's a...
avalanche past medical history chief complaint

Buried Under Avalanche of Past Medical History, Rescue Underway to Save Chief Complaint

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Nascent intern Jesse D'Amato was only part-way through the opening line of his history of present illness (HPI) when supervising Tulane University internal medicine attending Amy Zabrocki promptly sounded a Code...

New Journal of Negative Studies Announced

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BOSTON, MA - The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies.  The journal, which will focus on studies that showed no effect on patient outcomes, will...

Hospital Administrators to Evaluate Surgeon’s Potential for Revenue Versus Headache Generation

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NASHVILLE, TN - Noted researchers Dr. Harvey Stephens and Dr. Phil Burman offer a new matrix for evaluating surgeons for employment.  The STAR (Surgeon Tolerability: ASS-Rapidity) Score considers the personality of the surgeon in...
Comey opening statement

Comey Opening Statement Lacks HPI, Family History, Review of Systems

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In news that can be mistaken for nothing less than a bombshell on Capitol Hill, former FBI Director James Comey released an opening statement to the public yesterday, which health care...
divine intervention NPO after midnight miracle insurance authorization

God Requires Prior Authorization Before Divine Intervention

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HEAVEN ABOVE - Unfortunately for patient Lucas Von hopes for a cure have been put on hold as the ultimate provider of us all, God, Our Lord and Savior, requires prior authorization for divine...
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