Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Critical Care

Latest Research Suggests That a Nice Family Prognosticates Mortality in the Intensive Care Unit

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ABSTRACT Background A group of 1594 (667 were excluded for lack of relative personality traits) patients in a large metropolitan hospital were enrolled in a research study that aims to prove that having a kind, genial,...
Delta WiFi bicarb

Breaking: Code Team Resuscitates Flatlining WiFi Signal on Delta Flight

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DELTA 1554 - Progressively becoming more altered and unresponsive as the flight from Los Angeles to Atlanta climbed towards cruising altitude, the Atlanta-based Delta crew didn’t simply ask if there was a doctor on...
septic colonized keyboard

Breaking: Colonized Computer Keyboard Finally Becomes Septic

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Gomerblog has learned that a computer keyboard colonized with a whole host of microorganisms at the nurses station on Unit 4A of Los Angeles Medical Center (LAMC) has become septic,...

MICU Secretary Promotes Staff Unity by Yelling ‘KILLING SPREE’ Every 5 Deaths

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Day 7 intern year, and you already hate the MICU. There are 22 patients on your service, you know none of them, they're all septic, and your greatest accomplishment to date has been teaching the...
mechanical ventilator

Night Shift Enjoys New Ventilator Mode

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GOLETA, CA - Puritan Bennett's new ventilator mode is a hit with the Bay Harbor Hospital night shift. Along with the standard AC, SIMV, CPAP, APRV and MVV modes, their newest offering, the PB-1001,...
woman gives up facebook

Breaking: Facebook Placed on Pressors to Fix Plummeting Stocks

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MENLO PARK, CA - With its stock value plummeting precipitously in the past 48 hours, Facebook has been started on pressors with lactated ringers running wide open. “The drop is significant and Facebook is showing...

European Society of Cardiology Recommends Aspirin Before World Cup Final Kickoff

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MOSCOW, RUSSIA - Heeding the advice of the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) ahead of the 2018 FIFA World Cup Final at Luzhniki Stadium between France and Belgium, both French and Belgium officials have...
United Airlines endotracheal tube

United Airlines Replaces Oxygen Masks with Endotracheal Tubes

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CHICAGO, IL - No stranger to controversy, United Airlines has thrown itself into the headlines once again by announcing that it will be replacing oxygen masks in the panels above passengers' seats with endotracheal...

RT Delivers 5 Peeps via ET Tube in Easter Day Tragedy at St. Luke’s

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Distracted by his excitement for the Easter holiday, Jim Carina, Respiratory Therapist at St. Luke’s Medical Center, gave 5 Peeps via ET tube to Robert Harris, an unfortunate 74-year-old patient spending the holiday in...

Dr. Hal Dole Voted Best Psychiatrist of the Year

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KEARNEY, NE - For the tenth year in the row, the venerable Dr. Hal Dole was recognized as the most effective psychiatrist by the nurses, doctors, and therapists at Kind Samaritan Hospital. While not...
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